Last week, my boss came into my office asking if I thought he could complete a half marathon. He is 44. Has no vices, and is in excellent shape, not fat. He runs, he said 3 miles a day, on a treadmill. Normally, you would say, “you are going to walk, probably, so get ready for that.” But, this guy, the previous summer, took 40 bucks off of me, humping it up a hill called “River Mountain,” in Little Rock, which is about one mile straight up—most of the fanatic bikers go up and down it, easily, but it is a tough nut to crack the first few times you try it. It took me four or five times to make it all the way to the top. But this guy did it, first try, on a Huffy bike, wearing what appeared to be a football helmet, I think, and some golf shorts: all the way up it, out of the saddle. Several of the hardcores were watching the event, and yelled out: “Go country joe, go.”
At any rate, he did it, and I knew then never to challenge his manhood again. So, I said, “yeah, I think you can do it. Hell yeah. Just don’t go flying out there. Try to keep a 9-10 minute mile all the way.”
But what worried him wasn’t how fast he was going to go, or how long, but seriously was concerned about boredom during the run. It scared him to death. He said after 3 miles, he completely loses his mind, and he gets so bored, he has to stop running, he doesn’t know how anyone goes further than 3 miles without losing their minds. He doesn’t like to talk with other people when he runs, either.
It’s not the whole list of ills we read about here, from knee problems, running out of energy, dehydration, etc. It’s boredom at a hysterically, strange, debilitating level. If they didn’t let him wear headphones or a radio during the half marathon, he didn’t want to do it. In fact, he couldn’t do it, psychologically. That was that. But they weren’t going to allow runners to wear headphones, and his wife was goading him into, so he asked “what tricks did the marathoners use to keep their minds going so they didn’t quit.”
Heck, I don’t know what they think about. Their minds just wander around, I’m guessing. Where am I? What time is it? Who’s that? What’s that sound behind me? I need to go faster. I need to slow down. Did I just write a check that bounced? Reduce stride. I need to bring up my heels better. I need to quit squinching my toes. I’m a little tight here. Why is this hurting now? My ears are cold. Start pushing off better. There. Touch ears. Geez, they are frozen. Look at watch. The gas level in my car is on “E” when I get through. Back at it. Go faster. Slow down. How much further?
They also talk to other runners. Some do. Well, for him, if that kind of excitement was all there is, he was in deep doo doo.
I explained that rarely is boredom a problem for me because after three miles, I am in pain, or in pains, at various points of my body. Tonight, it was my shoulder blades. Two days ago, some kind of gastric bubbling. But I’m not bored at all. I am preoccupied with little, petty emerging pains and discomforts. I said, look at it this way, you are running much further than you are accustomed to, and therefore you are a “blister waiting ot happen,” maybe it might be a good thing for you to get a blister, to keep your mind on something.
But try this, just count your steps: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12. Then repeat. And do that for like one hour, without thinking of anything except not getting run over by cars. If all is well for me, and I’ve not got some spasm or quad lock on its way, I always do that in a pinch. Just go up to 12 for every step you take. It’s not for everybody. Empty your mind. Depending on how strong your buddhist leanings are, that right there can knock off 45 minutes in a half marathon.
He said if he had to count like that every time he ran, he would never run again. In fact, he just couldn’t accept it that, if it got so bad you had to count, or go into some kind of auto brain rot, he’d rather get all of his eyebrows pulled out.
It turns out, he ran it all the way, and averaged about a 9 minute mile, the first three under 8 minutes. I asked him after he go through, how he made it past his fears of the boredom, and he said, “Real simple. Pain. Bad pain. it was those hills on the course and especially the ones, the last 3 miles. I had to concentrate with all I had just to finish and not walk.”
Thank god for pain and torture, to the rescue again.
