Introducing Gopher's new coaching program

From the creator of the “Closet Diet” and the “Stop Smoking Straight Jacket” comes the world re-un-nouned “Gophers Coaching Program.”

No monthly fees,

No hassling phone calls,

No complicated workouts,

and best of all, I won’t fire you.

Just PayPal me some money, and I’ll e-mail you back a work out. I won’t assign races, tell you what to eat, or even what products I endorse. E-mail or PM in the next thirty minutes, and I won’t even regulate your sex life.

Operators are sitting by…