From MSNBC:
Right Turn for Tour de France
The White House seeks a conservative to replace cyclist Lance Armstrong.
WEB-EXCLUSIVE COMMENTARY
By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 3:00 p.m. ET July 26, 2005
July 26, 2005 - Moments after seven-time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong announced that he was retiring from competitive cycling, the White House served notice that it intended to replace him with a cyclist who shares President George W. Bush’s conservative political views.
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While Armstrong has never officially identified himself as a Democrat and has been friendly with members of both parties, including President Bush, the fact that he was cheered on in his seventh Tour victory by 2004 Democratic presidential nominee Sen. John Kerry was not lost on conservatives, who immediately urged Bush to find a conservative cyclist to replace him.
At the White House, spokesman Scott McClellan assured reporters that there would be “no litmus test” to determine who Armstrong’s successor might be, but did indicate that “he or she will be someone with integrity, a strong sense of values and a conservative interpretation of the U.S. Constitution.”
In Democratic circles, fears abounded over Bush’s choice, since Armstrong’s successor might very well shift U.S. cycling to the right for years to come.
“President Bush handpicking Lance Armstrong’s replacement is the worst-case scenario many of us have been dreading,” said Democratic activist Clarisse Hartnett. “We were really hoping Lance would hang in there until Bush was out of office.”
But Hartnett did offer praise for Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams, who came out of retirement before Bush could choose a conservative replacement for him.
Elsewhere, actress Cameron Diaz said she was gratified that she had prevented the release of topless photos of her, but saddened that she had not prevented the release of “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle.”