If I was President I would: Immediately change my title to, “King of the World” so I could have greater capabilities. Outlaw pantyhose and confiscate all of them. All females would be required to wear stockings and garter belts when wearing a dress or skirt. Fix this war thing. Stop spending so much money so the country isn’t broke all the time. Get out of people’s private business. Make some national program to facilitate more exercise. Outlaw mortgages and credit cards: If you can’t pay cash, you can’t afford it. Period. Other smart things. Have the Capitol moved to the U.S. Virgin Islands and make it into a triathlon training camp. Hang out with Anna Kournikova. Marry Erika Christensen.
#2 alone got you my vote, I salute you sir.
Then you are on my cabinet as Assistant Undergarment Minister.
In the new world federation you will head up, you got my vote, too.
#s 2 and 5 are pure genius.
I accept, and I will hold you to that.
I have consulted with Hussein at the gas station next door and we had a summit on the Middle East while I was buying a Diet Coke.
We pretty much fixed everything.
#2 alone got you my vote, I salute you sir.
Hear hear
That’s a pretty good list (not sure I like the no mortgage thing, though). Let me add a few:
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Do something about all these fat, pasty kids who play video games and text message each other all day.
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More other smart things.
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More eduhkashun. Not more standardized tests. Just more money for books, schools and teachers. A lot more.
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More money for school ‘enrichment program’ like music.
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More bike lanes and public transportation.
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Less stupid stuff
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More publicity for triathlon, cycling and other cool sports. Less money for professional basketball, football, baseball players. Also wrestlers, NASCAR drivers and golfers.
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Create anti-pork “court” filled with lifetime appointees to strike, on a line-item basis, any obvious examples of pork spending or price gouging in budget.
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Do something about the healthcare thing.
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Do something about how everyone is working too much.
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Big music festival in the White House rose garden on a nice sunny spring day. Rave party at night.
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Sin tax on transfats and fast food.
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Tax incentives for really cool bike equipment (you know, because it saves energy)
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New rules regarding the wearing of lycra, spandex, thongs, bare-midriff shirts, etc. These are a privilege, not a right. (For a few people, theses will be required)
I offer as exhibit A:
.
And B:
.
You guys legitimately may be politicians. You promise “getting out of people’s business”, and then have many suggestions about how to run people’s lives (spending, eating, exercise, etc).
You promise to stop spending, but then all the other suggestions are more funding for federal programs.
This is not a serious post, only something that I found interesting.
If I were president I would:
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Increase individual responsibility by removing federal programs that people are dependent on. People should not be dependent on the government.
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Allow people more freedom. Freedom is permitting others to do things you do not agree with unless or until it violates anothers inalienable rights.
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Please no one. People like limitations on freedom and government programs. They don’t like responsibility and independence.
You guys legitimately may be politicians. You promise “getting out of people’s business”, and then have many suggestions about how to run people’s lives (spending, eating, exercise, etc).
You promise to stop spending, but then all the other suggestions are more funding for federal programs.
This is not a serious post, only something that I found interesting.
If I were president I would:
-
Increase individual responsibility by removing federal programs that people are dependent on. People should not be dependent on the government.
-
Allow people more freedom. Freedom is permitting others to do things you do not agree with unless or until it violates anothers inalienable rights.
-
Please no one. People like limitations on freedom and government programs. They don’t like responsibility and independence.
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Not get re-elected.
LOL!
On a serious note … to be congruent with the OverLord thread …
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Never say “Read my Lips” and then make a promise I’m certain to break.
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Never promise lower taxes and more programs.
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Never refer to anything as “Shock and Awe”.
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After 2 weeks, never claim “the war is over”
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Never deny a sexual encounter while the girl is still “at it”.
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Never go to a play and sit in the balcony.
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Never piss off anyone that goes by 3 names (John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, etc)
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Always ride with the “top up”. Always.
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Never say “sexual relations” … I’ll just say “I never dropped the hammer on her!”
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Never run with a candidate nicknamed “The Admiral”.
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Never use pie charts on a tripod as part of a debate.
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Tell Bono and Bruce, “thanks, but no thanks” for the support. It does not get you elected.
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Be stubborn. Blinder stubborn.
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Always ignore the data.
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Always come up with a catchy name for a horribly planned program. That a way if anyone opposses it, they’ll look like the ass. Re: No Child Left Behind. What kind of jerk wants to leave kids behind?
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Never say “Now watch this drive” after I’ve made a half-assed comment regarding the war.
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I will only give press conferences from my bathroom. Interview me while I’m showering, shaving, brushing my teeth and taking a dump. During the day, I won’t have time for that crap. I’ve got to workout and some fish to catch.
If I was President I would: Immediately change my title to, “King of the World” so I could have greater capabilities. Outlaw pantyhose and confiscate all of them. All females would be required to wear stockings and garter belts when wearing a dress or skirt. Fix this war thing. Stop spending so much money so the country isn’t broke all the time. Get out of people’s private business. Make some national program to facilitate more exercise. Outlaw mortgages and credit cards: If you can’t pay cash, you can’t afford it. Period. Other smart things. Have the Capitol moved to the U.S. Virgin Islands and make it into a triathlon training camp. Hang out with Anna Kournikova. Marry Erika Christensen.
And of course we all thank God you’re not 
Carpet bomb everything form Athens to Hong Kong, unless those people promise to knock their sh!t off!!!
BTW: I don’t just mean the terrorists in Cyprus, Turkey, Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, Israel, Saudia Arabia, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia (or whatever the F we’re calling that now), Burma (see previous), Malaysia, Indonesia, and anyone else I left out; but the people supplying them and those making the drugs for the money TO supply the former.
Please consider lengthening the school day. I know teachers would tar and feather me for this… in fact I’m married to a teacher who would organize the lynching, but I have actual reasons for this.
First: There would be time for physical activity. We are certain that kids aren’t going to be getting exercise on their own. Sports could be included in this time but those who wish no to participate in sports, could engage in other forms of activity. Music could also be added back into schools.
Second: I think kids would stay out of trouble much better if there was less unsupervised time at home while parents are working. If they’re not done until 5:00, when parents might be able to be home, I can see a lot less time for “miscelaneous” activities like sex, drugs, video games, and other unsavory activities.
Just a thought.
Lehmkuhler
That is a good idea. Done.
Also, you are my new Secretary of Education.
the other solution would be that the school system and teachers could just legally adopt all of the kids.
It is not the districts’ job to babysit kids from 7-5 … even if they would do a better job than many of the parents.
I am not inherently oppossed to lengthening the school day … but for academic reasons. If one would state that students could take more academic classes with a longer day, rather than choosing between calculus and advanced biology (but being able to take them both), then I am all for it.
I, personally, would not (as a teacher) want to stay until 5 just because that’s the only way Johnny is going to get some exercise or not smoke dope. Don’t punish teachers because of crappy parents. I say “punish” because staying till 5 takes up two more hours of my day. That’s two hours that I could spend with MY OWN kids and/or invest into a worthwhile hobby. The extra pay as compensation is not really compensation at all.
I know other professions work 8 to 5, but in response to this I humbly suggest that many teachers are basically required to do a lot of “at home” work, whether it be grading homework, preparing lessons, etc. It’s not an 7 to 3 job, where once 3 o’clock comes, the day is done.
I still point out that the #1 indicator of academic success is “out of school time spent on academics”. Shocking. Absolutely shocking.
Have undercover , black , gay , homeless , old people , hand out money ( checks - show tickets - hotel room - dinner ) to polite people . Put an ad in the paper .
Pay drivers for good driving , once a day on the Radio , Mrs lenski left the gap open on the lane to the driveway , she gets $2000 for good driving.
Parents do need to be more accountable. You are my new Secretary of Family Affairs, a new office. Your job is to make it easier for families to be successful.
Let me know what you need and I’ll get the money for it from Congress’ payroll. I’m thinking of getting rid of all those guys anyway. They’re old and lame.
Also, we’re having tryouts for the Whitehouse Cheerleading and Dance team this weekend and a charity bikini car wash to raise money for the defecit at the same time.