I want my wife back

The Coffee Shop
1

Imagine what you know of me from here and living with that guy. Scared yet? Imagine that guy just not getting it? You should be scared now.

I came here in a really bad time in my life because I needed to vent. I needed to get some shit off my chest and I got you wierdos as a wonderful gift. I was your very own chimp boy and in return you guys helped in ways you don’t know. For that I will always love y’all.

I am writing this because my wife peaks in here. I want her to read me tell you guys that you where right about me and saw things I didn’t. I am not ready for the life I want to have I have to start with a life I can have.

So including leaving my wonderful Slowtwitch family what do you guys think I should do just get her talking to me again. roadfused helped me see the light and I want to do the right thinkg before it is too late.

2

…I think you will be okay my friend…the fact she looks in on you here means she cares…you are, after all, the father of her children so I think it will be alright for you…the obvious way to start something is through the kids…either when you pick them up or they are dropped off…you will know how what and where…I think this is the greatest modern day daily tragedy…broken families…it is heartbreaking to see in my opinion…good luck man
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3

My honest answer, I don’t know what you should do. I would caution jumping straight back in though, as there are reasons that you’re not together. If there is a future for you to share, I imagine that there are changes to be made on both sides and the only way that can happen is through dialog. How you initiate that and progress with it is something that only you and she can decide.

I would simply caution you to take things slow and gentle. I’m sure there is hurt on both sides just as sure as there is probably still love on both sides. Take the time to work out how you can find a middle path.

Remember also that you may only be able to have friendship, and that you may have to be satisfied with that.

I wish you well Jon, and hope for the future.

J.

4

Tibbsy, I’ve been there man. I asked the same questions. At the end of the day, though, the answers I got weren’t important, even if I agreed with them. In the end you need to be comfortable with YOUR OWN DECISION. And the only way you’ll be able to do that is to really get to know who you are…not who you THINK you are, or who you pretend to be for other people. Getting to know that person is f’n scary sometimes, too, friend. You’ll start making some scary but real decisions about your life, that’s for sure. But you’ll know that they are the right ones.

I can’t possibly tell you whether you should work on that relationship or not. I’m just part of the peanut gallery here. Either road is going to be difficult.

5

You will have to talk because you are going to see your kids, right?

If I knew, then I would not have been married three times. And I wouldn’t be riding with bunnyman on his boingy bike, either.

6

stick to your guns, believe in yourself
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7

Only you and she will know if it is the right thing for you and her (remember it’s a mutual decision, not just yours to make here).

Did something trigger these feelings? Are you perhaps lonely and miss the contact & comfort of being in the company of another human? Perhaps medication is putting a different spin on your situation?

You two need to talk. You may need to talk with the help of another (minister, friend, counsellor). But you need to talk.

All I remember are some of the reasons why you were miserable. Have those things really changed? Have you really changed? I mean YOU, Tibbsy, not you+meds.

Always here for you man.

AP

8

Back in the spring, your brother and sister were pretty clear in their feelings about you and slowtwitch, and I think your wife would agree.

Over the years, you have been pretty clear about the importance of your family - not just your kids, but your wife as well. You have spoken with pride about her accomplishments more than once.

Last week, with the roadfused controversy, there was the suggestion that roadfused was your wife, and some very damaging comments were stated towards this possibility. I was shocked that people - your “friends” here - could write so hatefully about your wife. I hope to god you did not for a moment take these comments to heart.

The community here - and in any internet forum - is very weird. In the big picture of your life, most of us really will never be long-lasting friends. I’m in my mid-50s now, and when I look back at all of the “deep, meaningful, together-until-the-end-of-time” relationships I had as a kid, in high school, and in university, there are only a couple that still matter to me. I say this becuse even though you say that the ST crowd has helped you (and I do believe that to be true), you’ve got to keep in mind that we are a very ephemeral part of your life - you’ve got to figure out where to draw the line at when to listen to us…or whether you should be listening to us at all, anymore.

There are a lot of people on this forum who have bad attitudes towards the members of the opposite sex. There is a lot of disturbing misogyny here. For these reasons, as you work at re-building your familial relationships, you should steer very clear of slowtwitch - or any internet forum. Think about what Adam and Jennifer wrote back in the spring, think about what your wife (and maybe the kids) has said about ST, and take all of this to heart. These are your core people – these are the only ones who, twenty or more years down the road, are going to matter.

9

“I got you wierdos” Hey, I resemble that.

The problem is it is not just your decision. So, be yourself and hopefully she we dig you for being you, we do. But, Don’t put the kids in the middle.

10

Well, if yours won’t come back, you can have mine.

11

I don’t know you but I’ve read the posts over the past couple years. You and your family both made it clear a while back that being on this forum isn’t good for you or your treatment. Based on what I’ve read I have to agree. I realize that many people will disagree with me, but it seems obvious that you’re addicted to this forum and you tend to live your life through it. Your spur of the moment posts can make you appear more unstable than you perhaps really are. One problem is that I feel many WELL MEANING ST’rs who like you actually enable your destructive behavior and encourage it. I think one of the most disturbing posts I’ve ever read was when you came back after your suicide attempt and announced you were going on a “fast” so you could somehow gain control over your weight. “Just water and my meds” or something like that. I thought to myself “we’re watching a man who is going to kill himself here” and it made me sick. Some people tried to talk sense into you while others seemed to regard it as a big joke. You may have been joking and simply looking for attention but, like I said, it was disturbing. Since you asked for advice on getting your wife to talk to you, mine is to stay off this page, work day to day to break your addictive patterns and slowly show her you are sincerely trying to change. If your wife really does read this forum and she sees your continuing posts she may think what many probably do now, which is “same old Tibbs, same old crap.” Finally, I hope people don’t rip me for this advice because I AM being sincere and I wish you well.

12

I just got off the phone with her and with out a doubt this is my last post. I think things are workable and that is what I concentrating on.

Thanks y’all.

13

Bye! and good luck!

14

Good for you, Goodluck, and I truely hope all works out for you. You seem to be a very nice person, that needs true friends and support, and those only happen in person.

Take Care Tibbs.

15

Cancel your internet access account. Stop procrastinating. Get to work – a job, education, anything. If you must write stuff, write short stories or a book. Make yourself worthy of your wife.

Good luck. I hope I don’t see you here anymore.

HH

16

Feelin’ for ya bro’…hang in there.

17

Hey Tibbs- Nice to see your name up here.

The usual Tom Demerly relationship disclaimer: Don’t take my advice. That said:

You of all people know the wild swings life deals you. In the span of a lifetime we each travel through a wild spectrum of some very, very good times, some absolutely terrible times and mostly a lot of decent in between times.

The goods times are to be treasured, the bad times endured and the decent times should be revered and appreciated.

The hardest of times is often change and loss. Especially the change that results in loss of someone you love and treasure.

A lesson I have learned the hard way is that things and people come and go in your life. The going sometimes hurts, sometimes is nearly unbearable, sometimes is a relief.

One thing for sure, whether through death or seperation or break-up or divorce, loss does heal to a greater or lesser degree depending on the circumstances.

I’m always amazed with the interaction that takes place within relationships between men and women. Saying it is an interesting topic is an understatement.

Another certainty: Newness does replace oldness and loss- it is never the same, it is different.

The exciting thing about change, and this is often so difficult to see when you are in it, is that it is a new beginning. When you are exhausted from a long struggle a new beginning does not sound appealling. You’re not up for it. You just need rest. So take the rest and heal up as best you can.

Slowly, over time, new things flow in. It is not unusual for new things to exceed your wildest expectations.

Trying to recover what is lost is almost never fulfilling or rewarding. While it takes a lot of imagination (probably much more than you have when you are hurting) to imagine this, the new will be better when it arrives.

Of course, you have to be open to the newness and the change.

Good luck my friend. Best wishes.

18

two weeks any takers
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19

Hey Tibbs- Nice to see your name up here.

The usual Tom Demerly relationship disclaimer: Don’t take my advice. That said:

You of all people know the wild swings life deals you. In the span of a lifetime we each travel through a wild spectrum of some very, very good times, some absolutely terrible times and mostly a lot of decent in between times.

The goods times are to be treasured, the bad times endured and the decent times should be revered and appreciated.

The hardest of times is often change and loss. Especially the change that results in loss of someone you love and treasure.

A lesson I have learned the hard way is that things and people come and go in your life. The going sometimes hurts, sometimes is nearly unbearable, sometimes is a relief.

One thing for sure, whether through death or seperation or break-up or divorce, loss does heal to a greater or lesser degree depending on the circumstances.

I’m always amazed with the interaction that takes place within relationships between men and women. Saying it is an interesting topic is an understatement.

Another certainty: Newness does replace oldness and loss- it is never the same, it is different.

The exciting thing about change, and this is often so difficult to see when you are in it, is that it is a new beginning. When you are exhausted from a long struggle a new beginning does not sound appealling. You’re not up for it. You just need rest. So take the rest and heal up as best you can.

Slowly, over time, new things flow in. It is not unusual for new things to exceed your wildest expectations.

Trying to recover what is lost is almost never fulfilling or rewarding. While it takes a lot of imagination (probably much more than you have when you are hurting) to imagine this, the new will be better when it arrives.

Of course, you have to be open to the newness and the change.

Good luck my friend. Best wishes.
All you had to do is throw in some silly non-sensical made-up quote like “You don’t need a pack of wild horses to learn how to make a sandwich” and I would be convinced you are Dr.Phil.

20

Thank you… I think.