Thank you viewing the “official I hate women” thread. This is a true story. Sad to post this on a message board but it feels like a weight is off my shoulders. This is my first Holiday season as a single Dad.
I have been with my wife for 14 years. We met when she was 21 and I was 27. She was divorced with a small baby. I fell in love with her and the baby. We had many issues over the years as a couple but I loved her no matter what. I adopted the baby and we had two more children together. She did not work out side the home.
On the surface people thought we were the perfect couple. I worked hard to provide for her and the children. I still tried to keep balance in my life so I kept my work hours reasonable. My world was her and the children. I was blessed to be able to provide for them well. The kids went to the best private school, our home was awesome. Two years ago we had a swimming pool added to our home. We took great family and Husband/Wife vacations.
She was not happy over the years. I never understood why. We went to consoling and it helped a little while. Somehow it always seemed like my fault. I used the athlete mindset. The goal was a happy marriage. So I tried harder, listened to her better, reduced work hours more, read marriage books, took her on “date nights”.
She became involved with a group of lesbian women. She started to go to lesbian clubs and not come home until very late. I didn’t understand what was happening. She grew even more unhappy with me and withdrew from me and the children. She then tells me she is a lesbian and sexually involved with another woman and that she wants a divorce. She was living a secret life and deceiving me.
She was not open to console, any other options, anything to perserve our family and protect our children. We are done. The divorce is final soon. My kids are harmed and in need of professional help from this nightmare. My parents and her parents are devastated. The only happy ones are her and her lesbian girlfriend.
Any comments, opinions and even jokes are welcome. Thank you for reading my story.
Maybe your thread should be retitled ‘i hate my wife’… or, ‘i hate those pesky recruiting lesbians’. You know, give your anger a bit more direction than at the female populace as a whole.
Yikes, not quite what I was expecting to read, but …
Look, life is too short - move on. Forget her, but do all you can for your children. Sorry man. If this helps, a local friend/training partner at times lost his wife early to breast CA (she was 35 I think). He never did a tri before that (about 6 years ago), but was fit. He took into training/tris to get his mind off his wife. He is now a super stud. Even beat Dev Paul at IMLP this year (same AG) and did well at Kona.
Thanks for the comments. Even the mean ones are okay. I live in a very conservative part of the country this is a forbidden topic and I don’t want my kids getting teased so I have to keep it quiet. My family lives very far away so it is just me and me 3 sons. I have no support here. Sorry I said “I hate women” I’m just bummed out with the holidays coming up. My first single Dad Holiday. Lots of runnning and Church seems to be the best cure for me. That and posting on ST…lol.
Sorry to hear about your life (and the kids’) being turned upside down. This happened to a friend of mine and her three kids (husband finally came out as gay). The two older kids did OK, but the little one (he was in 6th grade or so at the time) had a very hard time of it. He got teased (even here in liberal SF) and was mad for about a year. Counseling helped a lot.
Mate that sucks! … If it didn’t involve kids you could just can her butt.
I’m no professionel counselor or psyche guy. But based on common sense here’s my 2 cents-
You got to suck it up and be strong. Obviously you must have emotional ties but you’re going to have to let that go cuz that’s just baggage now. Don’t go loving a woman whose willing to trample all over it with impunity.
All women are definitely not bad, in fact many are wonderful and you deserve better.
If she comes running back, “Oh honey it was just a fling and phase thing. I’m so sorry I now know where I belong and I’m really not a lezzy.” If you’re still emotionally involved you’ll take her back. But any woman who can run off with another man and even worse another woman and leave her hubby … not to mention her kids … is just bad news. Anyone after such a long marraige, mother of his kids would be tempted to take her back and forgive her, but you’re getting yourself the rotten apple in the cart. You deserve better.
Get your shit together, see a good divorce attorney and make sure you take steps to prevent her and lesbo partner taking the kids from you. That would be a real kick in the teeth; not to mention the kids will be brought up in that lesbo environment.
Things look and feel suckey. But out of suckey may come opportunity. Mate you’re a free man. Do your good Dad thing, but other than that you can now get your end in and sample the variety of fine femmes out there. I reckon don’t go diving into a realtionship so quickly. Revert to your natural male instincts, smell the roses and sample the various petals and let another woman into your life through a natural process.
If I were to make an educated guess, your wife at 21 already had a baby, so the hard fact is she probably was a little irresponsible in an imature way. As such she may have got married without quite knowing what she really wanted out of life. This little indiscretion on her part (there may have been others you aren’t aware of) has come to a head as a result of that. As for you married at 27 … most men don’t really mature and know what they really want out of life till they are in their mid 30’s at least. You may have been exceptionally matured and really knew the direction you wanted to take and who you wanted to take it with … which as far as she is concerned is a misjudgement of choice on your part.
Personally I was divorced at 27 years old, got over it in a year and after that really had my real fair share of femmes and only re-settled down at age 42. That’s when I finally decided she’s the most suitable out of all those I’ve sampled and I’ll just have to give up variety and settle to having the same lunch and dinner everyday. - At times I just grit my teeth and tell myself nothing’s perfect, take it for the kid’s sake cuz once you’re married the woman suddenly get’s into that really demanding pain in the butt attitude which was not really evident when you were merely BF/GF. But if she ever did anything close to what yours did … she’d be out on her ass.
Tell your kids not to worry…that their Dad will ALWAYS be there for them. You need to be happy to make them happy. Remember there are really infinite things in life to enjoy and you should just go ahead with your family and enjoy what you can and live life to the fullest. You’ve only got one life. Make the most of it and don’t settle for the rotten scraps. Good luck!
This is little consolation, but my birth dad had a change of life when I was young. My Mom remarried a great guy and he is the person that raised me and I called Dad. I carried a ton of baggage on this issue into adulthood.
Fast forward until I was 24 and about to get married. I was bitching about it to my then future and now current wife and she told me that with all tough spots in life, this too would “get better”. It took time, but now I am good with the whole situation. It took me a lot of time and the decision that I just needed to let it go.
You really shouldn’t displace and avoid the issue for the long term. Don’t just exercise amd think it will help the pain go away as one suggests. It may help in the short term, but you need to deal with your feelings and resentment here so that you can be healthy on the long-term. How do you accomplish that? Not sure.
Your kids need help, and with that help they can reframe this situation with their mother so that it does not bother them as much. It will take time, tears and a whole lot of love from their Dad. They will get teased. People poke and prod at the things that make some of us different. They will have to learn to deal with it.
Good luck. Your wife switching teams has to be hard because you drove her to it ;-). Focus on your kids man.
"Save your marriage. Let her bring the other woman home so the three of you can have sex together. This will make it a win win for everybody.
Better yet, why don’t you start sleeping with men to get back at her? " … (Yahey … the one in the middle)
Mate don’t get all hating women and go all Churchy and become celibate. Go out there and let some steam off and sample some of that fine femme flesh ripe for the picking! Hey the advantage of being an athlete is you have the bod to show and perform. Don’t waste it!
If I was living in your neck of the woods … and if wifey couldn’t catch me … I’d take you out and get things rolling for you myself!
oh my god, did you just write a post that made sense :). you totally nailed it. she was WAY to young, she had no idea WHO she was, and needed someone to help care for her and her kid.
good lord, why do people get married before they are 25? the majority of young Americans should are not mature enough to handle the pressures of marriage. marriage is hard work.
This almost exact thing happened to my best friend, except there’s only one kid involved, and it came after the marriage, and the marriage was shorter.
Dude, this woman’s got some serious issues going on, and I’d be willing to bet her sexual orientation choice is only a symptom. The clues are in all the stuff that was going on before she left…
'Roo did have it straight. Get your lawyer going, get her cut out of the kid’s life, and do what you have to to heal and move on.
Be prepared for her to rebound if the “new relationship” goes sour. I suggest the Heismann maneuver if she does.
George, I’m really sorry to hear of your impending divorce. If everthing in your account of the marriage is accurate, it sounds like you did everything in your power to keep your family together and that your wife checked out long ago. I agree with the advice to keep yourself busy and try to heal yourself through the love and care you can give your children. You and your wife will eventually get on with your separate lives, but sadly in the long run, your children will bear the brunt of the mess your wife has made. Be strong for them.
Divorce can be soul crushing. It really makes you question the strength of your character and worth as a person. I also married young (right out of college) to a wonderful man that unfortunately whiskey turned into a shadow of his former self. Sometimes you’ve got to do things you hate for self-preservation. Even though I’ll be surrounded by family and friends tomorrow, it’s still going to be a very sad day for me. I wasn’t even married for half as long as you were and have no children so I can’t imagine how awful this must be for you. Good luck and you and your family are in my thoughts.
Better for you to learn this lesson later than to never learn it at all. Your experience can be summed up by one maxim by which men really should all live.
Women are the spawn of the devil.
Much like the devil, a woman will tempt you with her wares, only to stomp on your nuts when she gets the first chance. Seriously, the devil loves the old nut-stomp trick. Much like the devil, a woman will offer you all sorts of nice things like “love” and sex and push-up bras,…only to snatch them away once you’ve become emotionally attached,…especially the push-up bras. Much like the devil, a woman will eventually sprout horns, a tail and red fur covering most of her body. Then she will commence to stomping on your nuts again. And with those cloven hooves, it will hurt just a little less than it does with high heels. Basically, you will be much happier if you understand the true and secret nature of the female. Think about it. Take the word “FEMALE” for instance. Just Change the F to a D, the M to a V, the A to an I, and drop the E and what do you get? D E V I L. I think that pretty much says it all. Steer clear, or at least know what you’re getting yourself into. It won’t stop you from getting stomped on the nuts, but at least it won’t be a surprise.
At times I just grit my teeth and tell myself nothing’s perfect, take it for the kid’s sake cuz once you’re married the woman suddenly get’s into that really demanding pain in the butt attitude which was not really evident when you were merely BF/GF. But if she ever did anything close to what yours did … she’d be out on her ass.