I’m a newbie…just started training in june so I’m what I call an uber-newbie.
Anyway, I’ve always wondered what you do on a IM tri when you have to go to the washroom. I mean if you’re taking in between 8000,11,000 calories in that day(from what I read) it’s all got to come out right. Do you stop to piss in a bush or something? Is taking a crap really fast part of the training? haha …sorry.
But seriously, what do you do?
edit for typo
On the bike I’ve never had to do anything but pee. I do that while riding in any length race.
In Embrun in 92 I had to pinch a loaf on the run. So I asked spectators for tissues until somebody gave some to me. Disappeared in the bushes and gave the remaining tissues to another spectator in case another athlete needed some. Should’ve seen the expression in his face 
In north america I found that there’re always porta potties around.
For #1 go on the bike. This discourages others from riding too close behind you. For #2 use a porta potty. It’s ‘newbie’ by the way, not ‘neebie’. Most of those calories will come out as heat, and locomotion. There isn’t much waste from Gu and gatorade.
ya that was a typo…good eye…
I just crap my pants. It takes practice, though, or you won’t be able to relax. I crapped my pants three times at the office today in preparation for my next race. In order to condition myself to perform in all conditions, I usually also crap my pants on the Tuesday night club rides. This also helps keep drafting cyclists away.
Some wussies use the porta-potties that are spread out every 10 miles or so on the bike course and every mile or so on the run course.
-Marc
lol good thing I was close to the bathroom
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I know that if you pee in public you can be arrested for public indecency. Does this apply to cyclists?
Do you pull down the top of the shorts or pull up the leg?
Good question. I guess it depends on how time conscious you are. I warmed up my wetsuit with a pee, but got off the bike at special needs to quickly stretch everything and take a pee in a cornfield instead of myself. On the run I hit porta potties. Many fast folks pee on themselves on bike and while running.
If you eat properly going into and during the IM and have “a movement” before the race, you’ll likely have no dump issues unless your stomach gets distressed during the race.
Personally I can run at full tilt and pee at the same time. By late in the race you are peeing water anyway so no big deal. And by that late in the race you are so nasty from sweat, snot and energy gels and sports drink a little piss won’t hurt anything.
As for taking a pooh, well, you want to time it so that is handled before the start of the race and dosen’t become an issue during the race. If it does, well, you’re going to loose some time visiting the loo. For goodness sake, be a person about it and use the porta john. Few things uglier than a naked human turd baking in the hot sun. No good.
The new liquid foods such as the stuff from Hammer Nutrition and others pretty much eliminate the need for visiting the porta-john during the race.
I mean if you’re taking in between 8000,11,000 calories in that day
Are you sure you are reading that right. I can see burning that many, but I don’t think most people are supposed to, or can process, more than 300-400 calories an hour. If you did fifteen hours, that is 6000 calories.
Unless you are in contention for prize money or maybe a Kona spot, I just don’t understand peeing on yourself. Your shoes are all nasty, you’ll all pissy, the thought of the pee smell mixed in with all that other funk…can’t you just stop and go to a porta potty!!!
I’ve done 3 IM races and have never had to go badly enough to pee on the bike or run. I go in the water before the swim start and I make sure I do a quick pit stop in T1 and T2 and then I’m done for the rest of the race. Pissing all over myself isn’t something that I care to try when I’m sober 
At IMC in '99 they had a nice trough inside the men’s change tent which was an excellent idea and makes the transition area pee very quick.
yeah you may burn at least 10,000 plus calories for the day. But max calories per hour will be 500 that your body can take in and process and that would be pretty remarkable…more likely your body is taking in about 275-350 cals per hour…so you may pee a few times but shouldn’t find yourself shitting unless you didn’t take care of that beofre the race…also you need to figure out what and how to eat the night before and morning of the race so you avoid the shits later on…nice topic…
lay off the fiber foods 24 hr before a race. Go to your doc and get the stuff that they use for colonoscopies. Thay will pretty much leave you loaf pinching free for race day.
Me, I like to carry it in my hand and high five spectators!
http://www.slowtwitch.com/mainheadings/coachcorn/evacuation.html
“number two off the railing and number one shooting straight at my partner.”
I was pissing myself at that part of the story.
Cheers
Only if you stop and pull your shorts down.
In order to beat ‘the man’, as they call the urination police, you try to appear as if you aren’t going to the bathroom at all. I usually pretend that I’m just a guy riding his bicycle, or going for a run(cover your race # with your hands to help achieve this), put on this cool, nonchalant smile, and go. Unless they notice that one leg seems to be sweating much more profusely than the other, they’ll be none the wiser.
It’s called stealth peeing, and all the kids are doing it. Well, except the folks who think its gross, or can’t disengage 30+ years of potty training, and some lazy people who are looking for any excuse to sit down for a few minutes. Remember, if you don’t wet your pants, then the terrorists win. Or something.
It’s like I always say: Don’t complain about your time if you don’t reek of urine.