I dated my now wife for 5 months, moved on and dated other women for 9 months (one seriously) and then realized I had already found what I really wanted/needed. Just over a year after getting back together we were married.
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I hope I didnât imply that it was, just making a flippant comment about divorce, dating other people, and then remarrying.
My boss is in a long term arranged marriage. He maintains that a 5 year contract structure would be the ideal. He may be on to something.
My wife has a hall pass for females only. Itâs the one thing I canât provide in our relationship so as life partners Iâm happy to oblige if the situation presents itself, with or without my involvement.
Happy wife, happy life.
Met my wife the first week of May. We started hanging out June 12th. By the end of July I had stopped going to my place. Engaged Labor Day weekend.
We got married the next Labor Day weekend but that was just a formality. By the time we got engaged it was pretty obvious we were together for the long haul. It didnât make any senses to wait, both of us are an open book and donât play any games so we knew what we were getting. Iâm not sure if either of us is capable of putting on a good front so it isnât like we were trying to be on our best behavior.
Whatâs interesting is neither of us like very many people. I doubt we would be able to stand being with many other people long term.
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Iâm disappointed. I was hoping @slowguy story would end with him in Tijuana in a bath tub full of ice and a freshly stitched incision site where his left kidney used to be.
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In contrast to the short courtships and engagements âŚ
Prior to getting married we were dating each other for about 7 years. Our engagement was another year before the wedding date.
Her dad (he was happy with the news) asked why a full year before the wedding date. I joked that would give us time to get to know each other. 
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Depends on the reason for the breakup.
Many donât think theyâve done anything wrong in the heat of the moment. Only later, with calmer minds, do they see the error of their ways.
If that initial attraction was more than skin deep, then some of the reasons for getting together the first time remain.
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37 years ago there was a snowball fight between football jocks and ROTC cadets that almost turned into a brawl. One particular young lady was being particularly vocal and got herself some unwanted attention, so I intervened. Later that night we hung out when the group went to Burger King. We knew each other by name, but had not hung out before this. My friends noticed the connection we made that night, and were likely tired of my moping around from a breakup Iâd had several months earlier, so they kept up a steady stream of âwhy donât you ask her outâ. We dated casually until summer, when she went off to basic training and jump school, and we kept in touch writing letters.
Once fall came, we became inseparable, which is also when I knew she was the one. By spring, we were engaged, largely because I was scheduled to go on active duty and had requested Korea, Germany, Italy, or Panama as my first duty assignment. We knew that some of those could be accompanied tours, but it had to start that way, hence us getting married. We were married in Dec 1989, in the middle of snowstorm. I left for Fort Benning in January 1990.
I got assigned to a unit that deployed often, and at our 2-year anniversary, figured out we had only been in the same state together for about 6 of those months. Iâm grateful she stayed around, and while there were many more separations, weâve together weathered multiple job changes, 8 moves around the country, raising 2 kids, and all the things life throws at you. I still am amazed she said âYesâ all those years ago.
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Thatâs a great story. Thanks for sharing. Try not to wait 2 more years to post. lol
We met at a bar but it wasnât random. For about 2 years a mutual friend had told my now-wife that she wanted to intro her to someone (me) but that the timing wasnât right. Apparently she knew I needed to grow up a bit. One night the friend called her and said âweâre all going out and that guy I want you to meet is coming. you should come.â Thankfully she had just gotten into a fight with some guy she had been sort of dating and needed a night out so she came but the friend didnât tell her who the guy was. She sat down across from me and we started talking & laughing. 3 hours later at closing time she asked her friend which guy was âthe guyâ and the friend said âyouâve been talking to him all night!â We stayed up talking until sunrise that night/next day sitting by a river and have been together since. 26 years together, 22 years married. I knew that night she was the one.
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You didnât happen to meet an Aussie there named Kangaroo did you?
Yeah, itâs been a hot minute since I was on. Iâm gonna try and fix that.
Nope, not that I recall. I was there from Jan 1990 until Jun 1990, doing all the hoorah stuff and learning how to adjust from college life to real life. After that it was off to Fort Campbell, KY, where we bought our first house in July (closed July 7) and I was in Dhahran by August 10. No human or actual Kangaroo where I was at.
Thatâs a great story.
Someone upthread posted that their wife is the funniest person theyâve ever known. I donât know if my wife would say that about me or vice versa (Iâm at least top three if not), but we genuinely make each other laugh constantly. And we both work in medicine so itâs typically dark humor, which takes it up a notch. Or down, depending on your perspective.
Laughter is the best medicine!
Most people get married when theyâre young and immature. Certainly was the case with me and my ex, but I donât think that was the cause of our unravelling.
Having split up eight years ago and having a good coparenting relationship, I still love and respect her as a person and the mother of my kids, but the longer weâre apart the more I realize how fundamentally different we are, and we diverge more by the year. It comes through in parenting styles, disposition, life goals, travel ideals, pretty much everything. It was a very good partnership but lacked a true human connection.
Being divorced with kids, and remarried (me, not her) I always second guess and wonder what if, and kick myself for not trying harder, but not because I miss being married to her. Thereâs a purity and wholeness to a nuclear marriage with kids that simply doesnât exist outside of that relationship and I suspect that has a lot to do with people remarrying their ex, as age, maturity, family priorities etc bring people into better alignment. And maybe that changes their hearts as well after a difficult divorce. That takes a lot of maturity and grace and commitment to love. I donât think my ex and I have or had that capacity with each other and the process of separating and divorce revealed all that was devoid in our personal dynamic.
I have serious respect for people who have the desire and will to make that happen though. It canât be an easy process.
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I found myself nodding to a lot of what you said.
She and I met online in the early days of internet chat rooms. My buddy dragged me there as he was bored and working in a small town. Said it be fun to stir people up. She came along, we hit it off and despite being physically the opposite of the globe we made a go of it.
She moved to be with me. But she was sad and lonely. There were high expectations on me to make everything right and I couldnât deliver. We seaparated after our first was born. She went back home with him when he was about 13 months, and stayed for about 1.5 yrs before we tried again. There were more ups and downs and along the way we had two more kids. I actually recall BLeP telling me at the time to stop having kids! We separated for good about 12.5 years ago. I recall the sad moment I realised weâd been separated longer than weâd been married.
I tried to fix things for a few years but eventually gave up. As you alluded to, I started to realise that there were still many things that would cause friction. Yet the few times I tried dating, including a colleague who was just the nicest person, I could not stop feeling some of guilt as though I was giving up on or abandoning my kids. I could never get past this so every attempt failed.
I really regret all the missed âhappy familyâ moments that Iâll never get to enjoy, again or at all. Sitting down for a family dinner. Sitting on the couch watching tv with them. Reading them bedtime stories. Walking them to school. Iâve shed more than a few late night tears thinking about that.
I think I burned up all my romance candles too early, planning and executing our engagement. Now thereâs a story that would take some beatingâŚ
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