After a very slow recovery from a running injury (achiles tendinopathy) I got while training to Challenge Roth in 2017, I decided to do a long running focused block as a way to make sure my body had recovered completely.
So I registered for Seville Marathon in Spain last February where I got a very clear BQ time (3:00:01).
It was so freaking hard that I NEVER EVER EVER want to do another Marathon in my life except:
a) if that Marathon is the final segment of an iron distance race (and I hope I still have the engine to do a few of these);
b) if that Marathon is held in April in Massachusetts in a city called Boston.
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So, this means that either I register for Boston 2020 next month or I will never have that opportunity again.
Traveling will be quite expensive but it is a once in a lifetime dream I would like to fulfill.
What outside-of-the-box ideas do you have to convince the significant other that the cost is worth it?
Appeal to the natural craving of men for significance. (Since she’s a woman, you’ll be explaining to her how men are wired. That’s hard for her to refute.) The argument goes like this . . . “Unless they’ve completely given up, all men have a desire to conquer something significant. It’s what keeps us going. A sense of purpose. It’s the reason we are able to be productive at more mundane tasks – like making a living. Some men fulfill this craving by a string of romantic conquests. Some fulfill it by spending money they can’t afford to spend on exotic cars and other frivolous things. Still others have to climb Everest or swim the Channel. The Boston Marathon is my conquest for something significant I can remember for the rest of my life.” (By implication, the Boston Marathon will keep you from seeking an extra-marital dalliance or buying a Ferrari. In comparison to the less acceptable conquests, the Boston Marathon will seem like a very important, very good thing for you to do!)
Appeal to the natural craving of men for significance. (Since she’s a woman, you’ll be explaining to her how men are wired. That’s hard for her to refute.) The argument goes like this . . . “Unless they’ve completely given up, all men have a desire to conquer something significant. It’s what keeps us going. It’s the reason we are able to be productive at more mundane tasks – like making a living. Some men fulfill this craving by a string of romantic conquests. Some fulfill it by spending money they can’t afford to spend on exotic cars and other frivolous things. Still others have to climb Everest or swim the Channel. The Boston Marathon is my conquest for something significant I can remember for the rest of my life.” (By implication, the Boston Marathon will keep you from seeking an extra-marital dalliance or buying a Ferrari. In comparison to the less acceptable conquests, the Boston Marathon will seem like a very important, very good thing for you to do!)
Great advise!
Thank you for that!
I will certainly use that approach. I even might push my luck with it again after she says yes because I want to do IM Vitoria 3 months after that. But one thing at a time…
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What if instead of trying to manipulate her using fear of other options (cheating, expensive cars, etc.), you just tell her that it’s really important to you, and then discuss how to make it happen so that she could also enjoy a trip to the US?
What’s in it for her? Maybe she’s always wanted to go to NYC or she loves winery tours, or she has always wanted to hike in the Adirondacks.
Make it a trip that would be enjoyable for both of you! And if she really doesn’t want to go, then maybe you take a weekend away for yourself, and she can do the same!
Make sure it will be a fun vacation trip for her, and that she won’t be simply a standby sherpa. I do not know you, but I can predict that you won’t be in the running for a top 10 spot in the race. So go and enjoy and have a great time with your wife.
Appeal to the natural craving of men for significance. (Since she’s a woman, you’ll be explaining to her how men are wired. That’s hard for her to refute.) The argument goes like this . . . “Unless they’ve completely given up, all men have a desire to conquer something significant. It’s what keeps us going. A sense of purpose. It’s the reason we are able to be productive at more mundane tasks – like making a living. Some men fulfill this craving by a string of romantic conquests. Some fulfill it by spending money they can’t afford to spend on exotic cars and other frivolous things. Still others have to climb Everest or swim the Channel. The Boston Marathon is my conquest for something significant I can remember for the rest of my life.” (By implication, the Boston Marathon will keep you from seeking an extra-marital dalliance or buying a Ferrari. In comparison to the less acceptable conquests, the Boston Marathon will seem like a very important, very good thing for you to do!)
If you have kids, and if you bring them to Boston to see you run, and if they get tagged for an unexcused absence, do NOT write a letter to the Principal - that’s how it starts
(By implication, the Boston Marathon will keep you from seeking an extra-marital dalliance or buying a Ferrari. In comparison to the less acceptable conquests, the Boston Marathon will seem like a very important, very good thing for you to do!)
This logic will backfire. You shouldn’t care about those things in the first place, so by “sacrificing” having an affair to focus on boston (or self-realization, or whatever) you’re only telling your wife that she’s inconsequential to you and will be replaced one way or another. This is how my wife would read that conversation.
To the OP, make it a fun trip for her too. Boston and NYC are linked by a 3-hr train ride. If she’s never been to NYC, I would imagine she has at least a desire to check it out. Boston is really cool, too.
“Honey, I will never qualify for this again, and I’d really like to do it. Is there a way we can make this a great vacation for you too?”
Let’s assume that you married your wife because you thought she was supportive of you and your goals, you don’t need to “trick” her into anything, and it would be an insult to her intelligence to play the “this will improve my manlihood” card.
My husband gets to go to all kinds of places he never dreamt of because I’m racing. Usually they’re in the arse-end of nowhere, so proximity to NYC is a good selling point, but Boston is a nice city too. It also has a decent airport, from which you can fly to cruise terminals for, say… a week in the Caribbean.
Boston is a cool city. When I ran BM in 2017, we just made it a little vacation and focused on things she wanted to do. In addition to the sights of Boston, we went whale watching and also rented a car and visited Newport, RI. Just try to turn it into a race-cation that is win/win for you and the family.
We plan on doing something similar for the Berlin marathon.
3:00:01 is smoking fast for an old guy. But you had to beat yourself up over those 2 seconds.
What if instead of trying to manipulate her using fear of other options (cheating, expensive cars, etc.), you just tell her that it’s really important to you…
This
I’m amazed by how often guys come on ST looking for advice on how to talk their partners into things - usually either doing a race or buying a bike.
That’s strange because surely you know your partner better than we do. I’d never dream of asking anyone else what my partner thinks, wants, or values. I live with her, if I don’t know neither do you, plus it’s none of your business (maybe Europeans tend to be a lot more private than Americans?). But most importantly, it’s not a business negotiation or a con. Tell her the truth and see how she feels about it. It’s pretty simple. Surely, you just need to have a conversation, see if she has any concerns about you doing it, if so try and address them and if you can’t maybe you shouldn’t do it. I’m not saying immediately cave on any idea she doesn’t love, I’m saying any solutions need to be worked out with her.
The previous suggestion that you essentially imply it’s this or infidelity is disgusting. Have some integrity and say what you mean. Don’t be a dick.
After a very slow recovery from a running injury (achiles tendinopathy) I got while training to Challenge Roth in 2017, I decided to do a long running focused block as a way to make sure my body had recovered completely.
So I registered for Seville Marathon in Spain last February where I got a very clear BQ time (3:00:01).
It was so freaking hard that I NEVER EVER EVER want to do another Marathon in my life except:
a) if that Marathon is the final segment of an iron distance race (and I hope I still have the engine to do a few of these);
b) if that Marathon is held in April in Massachusetts in a city called Boston.
******
******
So, this means that either I register for Boston 2020 next month or I will never have that opportunity again.
Traveling will be quite expensive but it is a once in a lifetime dream I would like to fulfill.
What outside-of-the-box ideas do you have to convince the significant other that the cost is worth it?
Thanks for your help
it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. just register.
honestly, your partner in life should support your goals and dreams. you should never have to ask them for permission. you’re not a child, they are not your mother.
