How did I let this happen to me? I agreed to write my own wedding vows. After finding out that I had to turn in the written vows to the officiant 4 days before the wedding (thus ruling out my first plan of winging it) and after finding out that googling ‘wedding vows’ didn’t bring back anything usable (thus ruling out my second plan), I may have to get sappy real soon.
Argh. Does anyone know of any inspiring poetry that may put me in the right frame of mind? How has your vows gone if you had to write them? How long is too long? If I throw in any references to ideal heartrate or cadence that should be achieved on the honeymoon will that set the wrong tone?
After finding out that I had to turn in the written vows to the officiant 4 days before the wedding (thus ruling out my first plan of winging it)
That is a very wise rule in effect, right there.
How has your vows gone if you had to write them?
I would have engaged in plagiarism:
do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife, to live together in matrimony, to love, honor, comfort her and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?
Groom: I do.
Not too many people can do better than that. They shouldn’t try, in most cases.
Funny. When my woman met with the officiant a few days ago to go over what he would be including in the ceremony, she specifically requested that he not say the word obey.
But she is a domineering kinda gal so I was not at all suprised.
Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife, to live together in matrimony, to love, honor, comfort her and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?
When I was engaged we agreed to write our own and actually started. It was a good exercise. It only reinforced how strong the bond between my fiance and I really was.
We went to a Catholic Church for a pre-marriage class thingy and the priest copped an attitude becasue a 37 year old man was marrying a 21 year old girl. Never mind that we had been together for five years. The priest was not receptive of this. I went to bat pretty darn hard for us but he was still not at all supportive of the idea. We were driving home and I was saying, “Let’s just do this ourselves…”
So that is what we decided to do. The central themes were the standard things: Permanance, fidelity, honor, love, trust, honesty and respect for each other. I was heavy o the concept of putting lots of “permanent” language into it. I’ve never been certain I wanted to married (except then), but I am damn sure I never want to be divorced.
Ultimately, we never walked the aisle. But, oddly enough, we have honored those vows to the letter with, I guess, the exception of fidelity in the physical sense. She married a fine man and is very happy in a great marriage. She and are close friends and talk frequently. All the things we mentioned in our proposed wedding vows are still there: Permanance, honor, love, trust, honesty and respect for each other. It’s interesting. We didn’t need to get married to maintain that.
To this day I would say she is one of the most valuable people in my life.
Thanks for bring some seriousness to this thread. I have always enjoyed hearing about all of your life’s adventures, as all of us do, probably because we see a little bit of ourselves in each of your stories.
This will be my second marriage. My first marriage was a disaster of epic proportions. We had an age factor too. When we met I was 18 and she was 30. We were together a total of 5 years, but only married for the last year of that time. We got married on a whim in Vegas, and it was a lot of fun at the time. But we both got grief (her probably more than me) about the age difference from people.
I am in a much healthier and happier relationship now. I have known my girlfriend for the last 6 years, and we have been dating and living together for most of them. I kid a lot about the ‘woe is me’ part of being married, but a lot of that is just in good fun. I think the Rodney Dangerfield brand of relationship jokes are hilarious, probably because they are so true!
She found this traditional Irish blessing somewhere, and wants to use it as part of the ceremony. She does not have a backround of having active outdoor adventures as I do but I was delighted that she identified with some of the feelings evoked in this passage. We are getting married outdoors in a very scenic park on a bluff overlooking a river, and I think these words will fit in perfectly:
May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, The rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of his hand. May God be with you and bless you: May you see your children’s children. May you be poor in misfortune, rich in blessings. May you know nothing but happiness from this day forward.
Here’s to you, and here’s to me,
Friends to the end, we’ll always be,
But if in the end,
We’re no longer friends,…
Then fuck you and here’s to me.
Not appropriate for the ceremony? If you have to write your own, you probably can’t stick with Church style vows, because your fiancee will be facing you telling you how much she loves you, and then you’ll have the priest doing a “repeat after me” bit when it’s your turn. My advice is to keep it very simple. You’ll be nervous as it is, so don’t try any sappy poetry or complicated statements of philosophical wisdom. Tell her you love her, you look forward to spending the rest of your lives together, etc, etc.
We went to a Catholic Church for a pre-marriage class thingy and the priest copped an attitude becasue a 37 year old man was marrying a 21 year old girl. Never mind that we had been together for five years.
So you were 32 and she was 16 when you started dating? I don’t want to be a jerk Tom, but I’d cop an attitude too. And if I were here father, I probably buy a gun.
“So you were 32 and she was 16 when you started dating? I don’t want to be a jerk Tom, but I’d cop an attitude too. And if I were here father, I probably buy a gun”
I’m with you on this one jhc. Now we know where the Lindsay Lohan thing comes from. Kinda gives me the willys.
My wife and I both wrote then memorized our vows. Now 9 years later if you would ask me what either of us said, I would have to say I haven’t the foggiest.
Ok kids, long time reader and poster on the main board, first time reader and poster in here. I personally would do something TOTALLY off color like “I’m here aren’t I?” or “whatever bitch, where’s the cake?”… I totally should get into the biz of writing wedding vows.
OT, I introduced my best friend to her now husband and they asked me to perform the ceremony. Well, I’m now an ordained minister in the Internet Church of Spiritual Humanism and have one wedding under my belt! I wrote the whole ceremony start to finish and If my sorry ass can come up with something tasteful, I have faith that you will too.
I’m impressed by your courage and willingness to try again and also by your wisdom to learn from your first experience.
Funny thing about age differences. Our society moves faster now. The differentiation between people even a decade apart is pretty substantial in terms of their expectations and the expectations placed upon them by society (or their perception of them).
Parting ways with the girl I was engaged to was the hardest decision I ever made, and I’ve had to make a lot of decisions. It didn’t become apparent that it was good judgement (I thought it was at the time but wasn’t 100% positive) until two years later. She was happy and growing as a person and moving forward in her life and career. That was so good to see. Things may have been different for her had we got married, maybe not. But the fact of the matter is things worked out just fine for her.
Real love is selfless. You put the other person first and its isn’t about possession or control. It’s like the butterfly poster: “If you love something, set it free…” In the end it worked out perfectly. We’re both still happy and close. Letting her follow the normal path of a 20-28 year old woman growing up in this world was tough, but to do anything else would have been selfish. When you really care for someone you don’t act out of selfish motives.
It is a hard thing to write your own wedding vows without it sounding like the really crappy self-written vows that are done on soap operas. The two times I have done it, the JOP came up with just wonderful ones. Civil vows will not say “obey” in the least.
Maybe something like this:
Minister say repeat after me. You say “after me”. Okay, I am kidding here.
I promise to pledge my life to you, no matter what happens. You are the one I wish to become one with, and with my love for you, whatever turmoil or upset may not make life easy, but I will stick it out beacause I have pledged my love for you. I pledge my undying fidelity no matter how poorly a hand that has been dealt to me at this grand poker table of life. Healthy, sick, rich, poor, thin, fat, you have my undying love and devotion. Death will only break this bond. We are now melded together.
Okay, after re-reading it sounds quite silly. Maybe I would stick with asking “obey” not be in the vows.
Getting married in an Anglican church in England in August. Always wanted to write my own vows. Anglican church does not allow this. We compromised and are saying our own vows at the reception.
Shakespeare is good for starters. In the end just go with what is truly in your heart. I definitely plan on mentioning HRM and sex. It is part of my training regimen. : )
The attitude I am taking is don’t sweat the details. In the end it is the rest of your life that matters. Not what is said or not said on one particular day. If you screw it up, you have to rest of your life to apologize and make it up to her.
My wife and I wrote the entire ceremony. Amazingly enough my parents presbyterian minister actually agreed to use it despite not a single reference to god, jesus, etc. Hell…no reference to christianity at all unless you chose to misinterpret it.
Yes, we did get married in the church to make my parents happy.
