Well, getting murdered hadn’t crossed my mind. Thanks for planting that seed… yeesh.
LOL
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I’m not sure I trust the LR more than Google but it’s a nice thought.
From my perspective as a single guy, I found Bumble to be the most effective. Tinder had people on it but there were a lot of profiles on there for women that were “ENM” (which I had to Google) etc. I found that on Bumble it was just people trying to meet people. My ex and I split 5 years ago after 21 years together and I’ve found a few long term relationships via Bumble.
I didn’t limit myself though; I had profiles on Bumble, Tinder and PoF. Basically the same profile, and I saw lots of women that had the same profile on multiple platforms too.
Best of luck! Post your profile here and get a free critique!
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I had to Google it also. Interesting.
ENM does not appeal to me. I think trust, safety, vulnerability in romantic relationship are very difficult with only one partner. How would a person maintain those things across lots of relationships.? Who has the time/ energy for that?
I second the motion for the OP’s profile for review & teasing.
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Does anyone really make ENM work long term?
Everyone I know who has tried it has quickly moved away from it or has a huge amount of stress in their dating life due to it.
That has zero appeal to me whatsoever, although I suppose it is an honest and polite way of saying “I just want to mess around a lot and not be tied down”.
People can put lipstick on ENM all they want but it’s really just another way of saying you’re a ‘commitment-phobe.’
That’s not necessarily off the menu, however 
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Side note: I have no idea how the ads work here but this thread was popping up with a whole lot of ‘draining lymph nodes’ advertisements, with various pictures of overweight female lower bodies. Just a coincidence that it’s linked to a thread on dating in your 50’s?
I’m not a female in need of such a procedure and I am diligent in keeping my fetish viewing behind a vpn (except for the LR fetish).
Gross! I see the horrible lymph node draining ads too. Plus an ad for a Sitka brand camo neck gator for hunting. Weird, but maybe appropriate
Is this part of a conspiracy to encourage us to subscribe to an ad-free service? It’s not going to work. We’re endurance athletes— we can handle a lot of pain. Bring it on, @E_DUB I ain’t afraid of your ads!
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I’m a big adherent to our lord and savior Dan Savage. He writes a lot about being monogamish, and I think the only correct approach to it is a brutal level of honesty and communication (which is pretty important for any healthy relationship anyway).
It’s frequently employed as such with life partners with mismatched libidos…why throw a partnership away and impact kids’ lives etc just because you’re hornier than your partner? Be honest, be communicative, be trustworthy, and away you go.
Sounds tenable in theory.
UPDATE (and a story about my short-lived relationship with Courtney)
I decided to give Tinder a shot, and I set the filter to look for people who selected that “looking for a long-term partner” or “long-term, open to short” are important. I have no interest in hook-up culture and would rather scroll through fewer women anyway. I loaded six photos showing a range of looks, from wearing a tuxedo to an “action shot” in a running race, to hugging a cute puppy. I responded to most of the profile-building prompts to share interests, drinking and smoking habits and so on, and wrote enough of a bio to introduce myself, in terms of what I enjoy and value.
I have received enough “likes” that I think it is a sufficient profile. I have sent some likes. I have had a few matches.
Now for Courtney…
I woke up yesterday to find that Courtney “Super Likes” me. Well, thank you, Courtney! I checked her profile to find that she and I have a lot in common, and she’s certainly attractive. I returned the Like and sent a comment. I mentioned the things that we have in common, shared that my interest was piqued by some things that were unique to her (an interest in “Youth Empowerment” seems a but different), and so on. All very polite. The only physical attribute that I mentioned, at the end, was that I loved her radiant smile (Courtney HAS to know that she has a beautiful smile).
I did mention that we apparently live 180 miles apart. I have my settings on a tighter radius than that, by about 150 miles. I’m not sure how she saw my profile, but whatever.
Courtney, now solidly in my mind as a wonderful person (I mean, she Super Likes me and we have so much in common), will definitely respond, I thought.
At a minimum she’ll say “Thanks for the note, but we do live a long way apart and I’m not up for even trying long distance. Sorry. I hadn’t noticed that before… but wishing you all the best.”
SURELY she could take 30 seconds to write that.
Nope.
Courtney did not respond. She deleted my comment.
Now I think very poorly of Courtney. She is definitely not a nice person and deserves an eternity of loneliness. She is selfish, thoughtless, and inconsiderate.
And her nose is too big.
I would have hated her.
But that’s OK, because I later messaged another match, Amy, that also Super Liked me. And she lives only a few miles from me.
Amy has not responded, but she has not deleted the message either.
I’m starting to think that Amy is unsure of what she wants in life and is toying with my emotions.
OK…
Am I doing this right?
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I didn’t think you could delete conversations in Tinder, you had to unmatch from someone and then your conversations disappear at both ends and you cannot chat anymore?
The like and match side of things is just the initial start. The stats show it is terrible for men rather than women (the link above highlights that).
Courtney may have just gotten the ick from something you said in a message. She may have been looking for something else. She may well have been a catfish. Don’t take any of it personally. Just keeping moving forwards. Don’t be super discretionary with who you give likes to, volume helps sometimes as the hit rate can be really low.
Re location: I think Tinder can location track you so Courtney may have been closer to you hence falling into your radius. Also, if there are not many options in your area it may widen it for you.
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That’s been my advice to my girlfriend on tinder. She’s super choosy with likes. She invites me over for a glass of wine and we review her Tinder options. She gives me the phone, and I am quite liberal with the likes. (Why not?)
The whole thing begins with conversations, and the conversations start with the 
.
Bumble is the only one I’ve used, but I liked it. I’m a woman (duh) and was told that was a good one because I had to reach out to men first, so I’d get fewer creeps.
My perspective is that of a woman seeking a male, so IDK how men like bumble… but I found a lot of cool men on it!
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Appreciated.
I don’t know if she deleted the message or unmatched or whatever. I just saw that the message was completely gone. I do hope that it didn’t give her the “ick” because if it did, she gets the “ick” from someone being nice to her and pointing out what he have in common. It was totally vanilla. Regardless, I agree with the bigger point; you won’t know why people do what they do and it could be any of many reasons.
Regardless, here’s the update…
I figured out quickly that Tinder looked like a dead end for my needs, so I opened an eHarmony account. I liked the data-collection and analytic approach. And I have a few matches that really seem to have potential.
I have hit it off incredibly well with one woman and the back and forth has become novels. She writes brilliantly, and after awhile it was obvious who we both were (anonymity was gone), in that there are only so many people who do what we do in this community, who happen to have matching photos online, etc. Figuring out who she is allowed me to watch her on some podcasts (she’s an expert in her particular field as a Doctor of Physical Therapy) and I was completely impressed.
We’re going to meet in person soon. Just ironing out details and scheduling.
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Good luck!
Wow. 8 days to go from sitting it out awhile, to trying and discarding one online service, to starting another and finding someone you want to meet in person.
I’ve heard tales before about people who, after having been held hostage for long periods, begin to sympathize with their captors, and who if freed, would happily run back into the clutches of those (or similar) abusers given the opportunity. These instincts can, unfortunately, be strengthened to near irresistible levels by the combination of incantations, burnt sacrifices, and the application of specific runic markings on the torso of a sleeping victim, typically using the various blood or waste fluids of small amphibians.
You just left a 6 year relationship? That’s a lot of nights for potential clandestine witchcraft. You might want to check your local woods and ponds to see if there have been any unusual decreases in the local toad or frog populations.
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Some day, you really need to regale us with some stories.
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Update and recap:
File this under, “Life is really weird.”
Curious about online dating. Start a Tinder account. That’s crap. Start an eHarmony account and put two hours into creating a thoughtful profile. Match with a woman and begin to chat… and chat… writing novels back and forth for two days. She writes beautifully. She expressed appreciation that I’m matching her effort and not giving “the three word answer that tries to get to a coffee date, like most guys.”
I asked how long would it be typical to chat to before making a formal request for a date. She essentially answers that the rule is probably to follow your heart/trust your gut. I formally asked her to dinner. She accepted. I asked about her schedule, thinking maybe in a week? She responded that she was wide open. So on Thursday we agreed to meet on Friday night (last night).
Now, I have to say that in the process of chatting we gave away enough detail that a Google search (which we both admitted we did) made it obvious who we were chatting with. The awesome thing for me was that allowed me to watch her being interviewed on a variety of podcasts and YouTube channels, so I could hear her voice, watch her mannerisms and be truly knocked out by how wildly brilliant she is.
In a nutshell, she’s a Doctor, expert in a sub-area in her field (as they say “she literally wrote the book” because she literally did) and she consults with medical schools around the country to help the doctors and medical students learn how to diagnose and treat some very specific and semi-rare genetic conditions. Everything she wrote checked out through some basic fact-checking.
And she’s very attractive.
We all hear about the women who can’t get a date because men are intimidated by them, knowing that the woman will be the shining light in the relationship from day one? Yeah, that’s probably the case here. I don’t care at this point in my life. I’d hold the damn spotlight for her.
On Thursday night I asked if I could call her. I wanted to break the ice before we walked into a restaurant. I also felt that I had an unfair advantage because I had watched her interviews and she hadn’t even heard my voice. I thought ten minutes, maybe, to say hello. We talked for an hour. It felt like minutes.
Because she had really put in some effort to connect, I was more than happy to go high end for dinner. I know people warn you not to do that on the first date through online dating. Oh well. If we never see each other again, I don’t care about the money. If we do, and I think we will, we can always say we had a great first date.
To summarize, it was magical.
I swear we did everything we could to drag out that meal. She is a great story teller, and an intent listener (as a good doctor should be, I suppose). She asked solid follow-up questions, she helped bridge from one topic to the next, she shared similar stories or thoughts without ever “one upping.” The conversation ranged from fun first-date questions, like “Through a radio station contest you win two front row tickets to the concert of the decade and invite me, and of course I accept. Who are we going to see?” That led to fun conversation about that group, others we like, best and most disappointing concerts ever…
But the conversation also ranged to serious things. The reality of having aging parents, navigating divorce, what do you want to achieve in the next five years, what do you want your legacy to be? But also, “What’s a perfect day on a vacation?” and other “bucket list” items that helped get at whether we would be compatible.
Neither of us even considered looking at our phones until I paid the bill (which she offered to split, but I declined. And I really felt she was sincere).
Four hours.
We had meandered through three courses, a bottle of wine, and amazing conversation for four hours.
By the time I was home she had texted another “thank you” (even thought that was well established after dinner).
And as I finish typing I just got the “Yes, we’re definitely seeing each other again” text.
Life is so weird.
Yes, this could go nowhere. I get that. But it sure is nice so far.
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