Have you ever spend time behind bars? Anyone here done “hard time?”
If yes, what did you do to get there (or, if you are a repeat offender, what didn’t you but got blamed for) and how long were you in?
Oh, good jail/prison stories are appreciated but they have to be true. Also feel free to show pics of your really bad prison tats.
Well there was this one time in Turkey…
just kidding.
I don’t think Paris is doing “Hard time” is she? Isn’t she in a county lock up? She not in with mass murderers, killers etc is she?
~Matt
Well there was this one time in Turkey…
How many time did you get stabbed in the ass with a shiv?
I spent 2 days behind bars for a shooting I didn’t commit. I was walking home from a friend’s house and got picked up by the cops because I fit the description of a guy who shot another guy at a beach park about a mile away. It was scary as hell. A cop car drove by me at high speed, jammed on the brakes, and two cops jumped out, guns drawn telling me to get down on the ground. I was handcuffed and questioned for 5 hours. Unfortunately, after I left my friend’s house, she got on a plane to Midway Island so they had a hard time getting ahold of her to provide my alibi.
I didn’t fit too well in jail. One of my cellmates was a speed freak that was busted for burglary. The other was a drunk that was brought in on an assault. I’m the product of an upper-middle class family, 13 years of private school and a college graduate. In other words, I’m very sheltered. I kept my mouth shut and avoided all eye contact the entire time I was there. I was definitely out of my element. Thank god no one gave me any problems - I’m not a fighter so I would have gotten the crap beat out of me.
They caught the shooter and I can understand why I was picked up. We were dressed almost exactly alike - blue jeans and a grey hoodie.
Not me personally, but I have a client in the pen right now. He say’s that the key is to “kick someone’s ass the first day, that way, you won’t be someone’s bitch”.
Awesome quote, good work.
No time myself, but a good friend got arrest (and convicted) for breaking and entering in New Mexico at a motel. Long road trip and they made a bad decision to try and find a bed.
My friend played basketball in the bright orange jump suit with a bunch of felons. He will never go back to that state…
No, but I’ve sent a lot of people to jail.
I taught a double murderer (allegedly) how to add fractions in the hall once, but that’s as close as I’ve gotten.
Have you ever been convicted
of a felony or a misdemeanour?
That’s robbery, rape, car theft,
that sort of thing?
Convicted?
Yeah.
No.
Never convicted.
awesome office space quote, but in this case it’s off a bit. watch it another 10 or 15 times.
Mr. Burns
Off the top of my head, I think that’s gotta be Stripes. Please continue with the question about homosexuality.
Mr. Burns
Are either of you homosexuals?
You mean, like, flaming or…?
Well, it’s a standard question we have to ask.
No, we’re not homosexual, but we are willing to learn.
Yeah, would they send us someplace special?
I guess that’s no on both.
Good heavens, that was funny!
“Qualifications?”…“Rape, murder, arson and rape”…“You said rape twice”…“I like rape”
.
I went into Lose Derk here in Dallas a little over a year ago for 2 weeks. In a perfect storm of Tibb’s giant stupidity, unemployment, no lawyer, hostle judge and getting lost in the building I was sent up the river for child support issues. Watching my ex wife during this time was like watching Picaso paint. She knew me better then anynody and worked me like a fucking snake charmer. It was amazing to watch I just wish it wan’t me being the dumb ass.
The sentence was for 6 months but a combination of my family breaking their banks and signing the divorce exactly like my ex wanted I got out. Again it was pure stupidity how I allowed myself to be worked.
I learned a good lesson when in. If there is a prayer group, join it. Go to every meeting and pray the way they pray. It’s a quick way to get into a group.
no comment.
OMG, you just deleted your drunk and disorderly story that shattered my image of you as the perfect but oh so lonely yuppy housewife.
I have a similar story. In college I once drank waaaaay too much Tequila with my roommate’s sister. She took me to frat party and left me there to fend for my self. The last thing I remember is vomiting on some girls shoes (I think we were dancing together) and falling down on the sidewalk several times. For some reason it didn’t hurt. Next thing I know I’m riding handcuffed in the back of a squad car. “Come on ossiffer, you don’t haff ta put these silly cuffs on me ~ buuuurp ~ whaadayasay we turn on the siren and cruise the main strip fer some WOMEN (followed by a Burt Reynolds laugh)?”
I was taken to the hospital for several stitches (no anaesthetic needed or given). My mug shots were a riot – my hair was full of twigs and juniper branches from where I’d fallen in the bushes, bloody face, fresh stitches, and the eyes of that Andy Griffith drunk after a hard night of drinking.
My actual night in the tank wasn’t all that bad given that I was passed out the whole time. A sleazy jail bond guy picked me up in the morning to drive me home and I appeared in court the next week; it was party college so I recognized half the people on the docket that day. Everyone’s story was the same, “I learned a lot from this experience Judge; I’ll never drink again.” Whatever.
I was called into the station a few days letter for a grilling on where I obtained my fake ID – an extremely cheesy Kinko’s laminated document of me standing in front of a stained sheet pinned up on my apartment wall; a poster with hand drawn state seal and my fake age and name. I was given a stern warning that I’d be taken to jail again if they did a background check and the “real” Abe Rothar had any outstanding warrants. Old Abe must have been living clean because they let me go a few minutes later.
ok, yers tops mine.
although i did tell the sheriff he had no business “arresting a future american leader” because i was “a good citizen, who voted, and was going to college to become a political scientist” in which i was going to “change the landscape from a fraudulent government” to one that “honored and valued its citizens and taxpayers”.
not only did i give that speech from the back of the squad car while sporting handcuffs, i also informed the sheriff that he was speeding by going 36 in a 35 mph zone. then i said, “perhaps it is you who should be in handcuffs” and proceeded to cry off all of my mascare and it ran down my cheeks.
the mug shot was aboslutely stunning, let me tell you.
i got to my parents house somewhere around 5am in the morning. once i got in the door my mother called the local paper and demanded that my arrest not be printed in the paper; somehow, she convinced them and my father never did find out about it.