My first rule of ironman for some reason…is not to talk about Ironman.
I did my first IM three weeks ago. It went well, and I finished strong even though it took me 13:14. Not bad for a first timer.
#donttalkaboutironman
But, I don’t like to talk about the experience with friends and family (except for my wife) for some reason. I tell them about the organisation and all the pretty stuff, but nothing about how I felt. I think it was kind of a trauma which I am holding in. For a part of the race (mostly on the run part when it became dark and rainy) I was in a dark place of my mind, pushing through. The part of the brain which I don’t tell anyone about. That part which contains some super strength and endurance which you use only when you really have to, but it’s a place where anger is as well. At no point did I think about giving up, but when it became harder, I used some anger to push harder. At times I even got a very sudden incredibly sad feeling for no reason which was weird. But, I didn’t break down during the race, I smiled at people even though on the inside there was war. I can say that for me this IM thing was way more emotional than I had expected.
#haters
During the months of training for the event, I got the feeling that people around me thought I was not going to make it or that it was too much or something. I knew I would make it of course. My family (except for my wife) didn’t understand my motivation for going, why I was only drinking one beer at parties, sleeping early and why I was riding my bike at 4AM almost every day. Then again, most of my family is into soccer and don’t really understand endurance sports so well. so I understood why they did not understand, but stopped trying to explain for my sake. Other local triathlete’s (who do sprints, oly’s and some HIM’s) skeptically kept asking me if I was ready, questioned my food (as a vegetarian), my training, my bike, shoes, motivation and everything else. My mind was set, but it was not easy at times. I had to block allot of negative comments and people calling me crazy and stay focused.
#happybutnothappyhappy
When I got back, my wife was very happy for me, she waited for me at the airport with ironman signs and the entire family. I hugged everyone and was very happy to see my them. But my wife noticed that I was not super exited and happy so the next day she asked me why. Thing is, I didn’t really know why I was not super exited. My mind was quiet and kind of numb. I did not know how to feel about what I did. I wondered what someone is supposed to feel when finishing an IM. I am happy that I finished, but I kind of feel like people think I won or something. I know I didn’t. So I feel weird. They congratulate me and I don’t know what to say. I have won quite some local races. But I have never celebrated a race without getting a podium spot. How can I celebrate just finishing? Does anyone think this? Or is it just me?
#whyididit
Rewind to the 4 months before the race. I told my wife I wanted to do an IM and told her that I would need her support if I wanted to make it. I would not make it without her support. We had a talk. She asked me why I wanted to go. I told her that I love the sport and I love training and that I was good at it. People who like car racing would probably want to go to see a Nascar race one day. And people who like soccer would want to sit in a huge stadium to watch the world or euro cup games one day. And that we as triathlete’s are lucky that our big game, the ironman, is something that we can participate in. This is awesome. We don’t have to settle for only watching the pro’s. We can race them. We’d have to train hard to even participate at their level, but still, we could and this is what I wanted. So she said “go do it” and helped me every step of the way. Which was not easy at times, especially with a newborn baby. But it worked and it was worth it. And I look forward to my second one.
#thechecksinthemedal
So what did I win, what did I get out of doing this huge triathlon? Well. I saw allot of cool stuff and had the most awesome 6 days I had in a long time. You know, as I get older I notice it gets more difficult to be amazed. It gets harder to see something awesome. Partially because we are grown and we can buy all the things which we used to think were awesome. The awesome factor fades once you can get something easily. The other reason is that grownups do not allow stuff to be awesome. They discard beauty with science and logic and explanation. Which sometimes is irrelevant because nobody cares how it happened, they are just glad it did. So it was with this IM. I saw people cheering each other on, helping each other, appreciating each other. Not 20 people but more than 1000 people doing something together, and I was one of them. That…was something amazing, and I am so glad I was there to experience it all. Its truly something great to see.
That was it. Thanks for reading. I have no blog because I do not think I am important enough to have a website about myself. But leave your thoughts, maybe you had the same thoughts, or think I’m crazy. Any of those is ok. xD Tri297
