First child due in 2 months, IM month later, advice?

Triathlon Forum
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We are expecting our first child in about 10 weeks, the due date is one month before IMW. This will be my second IM, and previously really wanted to qualify for Kona at this race (missed a spot by around 20 min last year). Priorities have changed significantly in the last few months, but I’ve still had a solid and consistent training year thus far, making qualifying still in the realm of possibility. Even if I do put down a solid race to earn a spot, I’m really torn between taking the spot and having fun at the Hawaii (i.e. doing enough training to finish) and turning it down and enjoying the year with our new family member and supporting my wife as she tries to get back into shape and race again next year.

My questions to those parents out there who may have had similar timing:

  1.  What can I expect those 4 weeks before the race as my “baby taper” time?  I’ve heard I will have sleep deprivation and muddled mind as I try and hold it together simply helping out my wife and working at my job.  I hope to do some indoor bikes, runs at lunch and swim a few times a week at the lake by our house (easier than getting to the pool), but am not sure I’ll even want to do those activities. 

  2.  Anyone qualify for Kona with a young child?  How did the year go, and would you make the same choice again?

Obviously, we’ll make the decision together and keep our priorities straight. Just wanted to know what to expect.

Ben

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I’ve never posted with such bias. But, you’re old enough to have a kid, you’re old enough to ignore me.

Drop the IM, and drop anything but some 3 mile runs for the next 12 months. Anything more is silly egotism. You owe it to your wife and child. It’s a moral imperative, IM(-clearly-not-so)HO.

Andrew Moss

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Have a lot of natural talent. Dont worry bout the training and just have fun with the kid and competing in the races. Believe me, when the kid comes, the race really won’t mean a whole lot in the total spectrum of things.

Been there done that… in Feb. with our first child and then Ironman AZ in early Apr…

4

My son was born 6 weeks before IMW in 2003.

I nearly got in more bike wrecks during those 6 weeks than in the previous year combined.

Sleep deprivation sucks.

Enjoy the race - I had his baby picture taped to my top tube for inspiration.

Worry about Kona later.

Nothing better than being a father.

5

My daughter is 9 months old, so my memory is pretty fresh. Your lack of sleep will affect your training, so prepare yourself, but it depends on a few things. If your wife is breast feeding, you needn’t get up in the middle of the night unless you’re helping out with a bottle of breast milk when you can (no sense both of you being awake). If bottle fed, I assume you’ll pull your weight occasionally.

However, you must work, so that comes next, and you’ll be quite tired from that, so I predict less training hours. HOWEVER (and I’m no IM guy), don’t you taper the month before anyway? This could be decent timing to slow down.

I must say that you need to be there for wife and baby. There’s nothing quite like seeing the DAILY changes that a little one goes through. Digital cameras are wonderful but nothing like your own senses.

Good luck, and enjoy!

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Feel free to ignore, but you are soliciting responses…

I don’t want to be graphic here but maybe your not sure what to expect. Everything as you now know it will be different. Your wife is really going to need your help because she is going to be bleeding and basically wearing a diaper for the first couple of weeks. Then the next couple of weeks she is going to be tired and cranky as her body adjusts to the stress and changes in hormones. There are going to be lots of chores and she isn’t going to be able to lift anything. It’s up to you to rank your priorities…

Oh, good luck with the new one! Having kids is one of the greatest things ever!

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Ben: I can tell you firsthand what I’m going through right now. I have a 3 week old son, and am trying to train for Age Group Long Course Worlds in Denmark. The race is August 7!

The invite for Team USA came in January. Before the invite, having forgotten about the race I had told both her and my coach that I was not going to do any ‘big’ races (2 IMs in the previous 2 years) this year! Two weeks later I got the invite. Oh no, Negotiation Time ! We discussed the offer and being the Angle that she is, and knowing how hard I trained to get there. She ‘allowed’ me to accecpt the invite.

Fast Forward…I took the first two weeks off of work to help get Noah home and her settled - My wife had to have a C-Section because he was too big and got ‘Stuck’. Those two weeks I thought I was doing good to get in 10 hours each week. Starting from January we had the training program structured to anticipate the drop off in time, so 10 hours at that point was no big deal. But now being back at work, oh my god ! I really do feel like a Zombie! This week I’m going to be lucky to clock in at 8 hours. My coach and I have talked about this and he assures me that I will not be hurt too much with it, but I’m stressed and hopefully next week will be better.

The little man wakes up about every 2-3 hours for food during the night. He is groing like a weed - born at 9 lbs 7 oz, 21 inches long, and at 3 weeks later - over 11 lbs and almost 24 inches long. It is amazing!

So after all of this, the short story is that unless you can sleep in another room, and have your wife do all the diaper work, and feeding work, expect to be up every 2 - 3 hours (at best) to the sound of your little bundle of joy asking (er, screaming) for your help! Some people can function with those kinds of interruption: Me, I’m not quite used to it.

There is the other issue of Guilt. I do feel Guilty when I’ve tried to go out for a long ride, and I know that my wife is at home with Noah. I have talked to her about it, and she assures me that is fine, to go out and get the hours in. I can honestly tell you that in about 10 weeks I will be glad to have the obligation of the Worlds over, and be able to spend some real quality time with them. I don’t know what it would be like to have to ramp up for another big race while he is going through that amazing period.

We now call my Program ‘TEAM NOAH’ !

Just my current perspective, FWIW.

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born at 9 lbs 7 oz, 21 inches long,
Damn, what a chunker!

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I am KJGrog’s wife and my advice is:

-give her an hour a day to do whatever she wants, be it sleep, grocery store, a swim, a walk- by herself and you take the baby and start to bond- though dads have a hard time at first because the baby is not very responsive it is important to build those first bonds and become “daddy” You will have to figure out how to calm the baby, change the baby (diaper and clothes), etc. This will be more important than IM training and will hopefully encourage you along the course that you haven’t been selfish

-give her praise-on how she is being a good mother, on how she looks, etc-she will not feel great but she will look great with the glow of new motherhood-she will also feel physically spent ALOT, but if she is active, like it sounds encourage her to get out and get at least some endorphins and fresh air so she will feel more energetic

-we put Gavin in his own room the first night we were home so that Kevin could get as much sleep as possible (he had to function at work) and I was the one to get up with him, we also like “our space” And there were not too many sleepless nights and now Kevin is helping me in the middle of the night-keeping him going longer without food

-It is definitely a give and take thing, so since you have committed and paid for the race you need to make sure you do what you can to make it a positive experience. Yes, having your first child is a once in a lifetime experience, but if your wife will agree to it, so is Kona. And Kona is more than a race, sure you would want to do well, but you are not going for the overall World Championships, so you could take your family and enjoy Hawaii. One of my fears is that I will forsake all my dreams for my child and end up wishing I hadn’t when it is too late. I might have been a happier teenager if my mother hadn’t given up her dreams, so I feel that I am doing the right thing for my son and family that way.

-You got it right when you said you and your wife need to talk about it and decide. If she gives you IMW and HI, you give her AS MUCH TIME AS SHE WANTS to get back into racing shape. Also communication is key to the first few weeks after the baby is born-no one is sure what exactly is right and tempers can flare if one feels like they are doing everything and insecurity is high-basically ALOT of emotions-so sit down and talk once in a while.

Okay, I could write days on this subject cause I think we are doing a pretty good job with our first months. Healthy happy baby, healthy happy parents.

No, Kevin didn’t have a great race 6 weeks post birth (it was supose to be 8 weeks, Lil’ G was late) but he knew he wouldn’t take a slot if he qualified, which just that fact right there affects his racing. So I say stick with your original plan to qualify and go to Hawaii.

We are both hoping to qualify for '06.

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Interestingly enough I’m on the “Next year” or what woudl be your Kona year, kid will be 1yr thsi month. Just posted an “accepting Mediocrity” thread as I simply can’t get the workouts in.

“What to expect”

IMO the first 3 months are hell. Luckily you’ll be tapering or really close to it or yuor race will be over for most of that time.

Unless you have a freak of of a child you will get little sleep especially the first couple of weeks when you SHOULD be helping as much as possible while your wife recovers. This will include getting teh baby for her if she’s breast feeding in the middle of the night. Getting whatever she needs etc etc.

I was VERY lucky as I had both my mother in law and my mother helping us out. Despite all of the help and while I was training for my first IM I still ended up crashing. After a week of fairly large volume on little sleep I ended up getting sick and spent an entire weekend on the couch sleeping and with a fever.

This year, for me, your “Kona” year has been MUCH tougher however. The child is a real handfull, crawling getting into everything etc etc adn thus a person needs a break after a while so one parent trades off with the other. Couple that with the regular “wake ups” even if it’s for a few minutes it breaks up your sleep. If you’re lucky and can get right back to sleep you should be good, if you’re like me and take 1/2hr to get back to sleep…you’ll constantly be tired. I’m figuring I average 5-6 hrs a night of sleep. Some nights are much worse with 4 or less.

Training becomes secondary to sleep, additional “stuff” that needs to get done and spending time with “mini-me”.

The worst thing about it…or best depending how you look at it. Some fo the “drive” that you used to have to train is gone because you WANT to go home and play with the kid.

Your scenario may be completely different, most everyones is, but if I where to qualify…not a chance in hell…I would expect to be doing Kona for the experiance not for a stellar performance.

~Matt

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I am no therapist, but have been to a few, and it sounds like you have some resentment and anger built up. I really don’t like it when people are negative about having a baby-and oh the work, the lack of sleep, the crying, etc. I think it is all in how you go into it and how you deal with things, so please don’t be negative for Ben.

Yes reality is that you will lack some sleep, your baby will cry, even scream, and things will never quite be the same, but reality is that a child can fit into and not totally take over your life.

Take it from someone who was training for Kona (already qualified) when whoops, can’t exactly do it 5 months pregnant. Priorities shift, and you have to find a new balance to life, but it can be a completely positive experience.

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I’m going to disagree with a number of people here…especially apmoss. If you can deal with training on less sleep and/or at weird hours, then there’s really no reason you can’t do the race. Our first was born last march and I did lake placid in july.

It just meant I was training at 5 am (while both wife and baby were sleeping), during my lunch break, or after he went to bed at night (again, while wife and baby were sleeping). I probably averaged 5-6(max) hours of sleep a night, but your body will adapt. As unappealing as this sounds…if you have the option of using a treadmill or bike trainer at home then you can certainly do it.

My feeling is that people who either completely cut out or drastically reduce working out aren’t willing to make the time to fit it in. My son is usually asleep by 7-7:30…8 at the latest. So instead of flopping on the couch and watching tv…I go on the treadmill or trainer and watch tv. Rarely has my workout time interfered with family time…since that is something I’m unwilling to do.

Having said that…it will be tough for you the first couple of weeks he/she’s home. If you are able to, I’d suggest taking vacation time.

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Not sure what I said to give you the idea that I was “resentfull”. Simply stating that you don’t get as much sleep, it’s alot of hard work etc etc is the truth not resentment.

Sure sometimes I don’t like the idea that some of my “Me” time is gone, I think most of us feel that way at times.

I think this line pretty much says it all.

“The worst thing about it…or best depending how you look at it. Some fo the “drive” that you used to have to train is gone because you WANT to go home and play with the kid.”

The point is I miss alot of workouts not because I HAVE to but because I WANT to. I’ve had ALOT of workouts this year that I started and said…“Screw this I’m going home and playing with the kid”

~Matt

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My wife and I had our second in November. That being said, I train in the mornings, and she trains in the evenings :). Gives me time alone with both our guys (remember guys having two kids in diapers is CRAZY), and more importantly gives her time to do something that she wants to do without the kids.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck with the Bambino(a)

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Ben,
I have a 3.5 month old (our first). A lot of this is up to your wife, not you. I had a very different experience than a lot of people here. My wife’s thinking was that, if one of us had to get up in the middle of the night to feed the kid, it should probably be the one with the breasts, so she said “you sleep.” I had 4 weeks off of paternity, and had no problem fitting in the workouts, as long as every second not training or sleeping was spent kissing my wife’s ass. (gladly) “Want fresh ice in your water, I’ll run downstairs to get it…Let me change this diaper…what can I make you for dinner…shall I sort the M&Ms so you only have to eat the red ones you prefer? Do you mind if I clean the bathroom just one more time?” Basically, showing how damn grateful I was.

If you can’t take the time off from work, forget about the race. Out of work, family, and training, you will only be able to pick two. If you try all 3, you will do all of them crappily.

I expect that this will be very different if/when we have a second child, as then the Dad will have to watch the first kid. All bets are off as far as training goes then.

Also, I found that during the workouts I made sure to get the most out of them knowing what sacrifices I and my wife were making.

If you do qualify, it is a lot easier to travel before they start running around.

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Lots of advice to consider. Follow your heart.
Have a blast, DAD!!
HC

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Many people try to make raising a baby look harder than it is. Don’t get me wrong, it can be bad for brief spells or, in rare cases, bad for long stretches, but it is not a life ending experience. If you doubt me, just look at all the parents who choose to have more than one child. I have 3 and if it sucked as bad as many people say I assure you I would have stopped after one.

A newborn will sleep about 20 hours a day. The biggest problem people have is dealing with the fact that these 20 hours are not continuous, are often not totally predictable and the periods of sleep don’t coincide exactly with the times the parents would like the baby to be sleeping. But - if you work 10 hours a day and sleep 8 hours a day you still have 2 hours a day to workout while the baby is sleeping – you just might have to ride the trainier from 9-11 pm but you can continue to live your life after having a baby – honest.

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amen…I must also admit that I have sleep issues regardless of the kid, and I probably could have gotten more than 5 hours of sleep if I could actually get to sleep on my own.

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One more point -

After watching childbirth up close I’d rate giving birth coupled with enduring the last few months of pregnancy as a physical feat at least on parr with completing an IM and probably harder since it goes on longer and you don’t get any break before moving into the role of mother. After our first was born the one thing that I learned that I did not apprieciate before is the physicality of the whole process. It is very hard work and it comes at the end of several months of hauling around 20-40 pounds of extra wieght and all the other indignaties of later pregnancy.

Make sure you treat your wife like you want to be treated after you finish your IM. She will deserve (and need) it!

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Thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts, which are really all over the board.

Without going through this before, I don’t really know what to expect, but am getting a better idea. I do, however, know that the only role that really matters is being a loving support person to my wife and kid. Incorporating “invisible” training into my life is my very fluid plan in the taper period. I’m very comfortable with the idea of very few hours in this time, and would be surprised if I am able to do a quarter or half of what I’m doing now. Coming into the race rested may not be so much as issue as sleep deprived, but again, not really concerned… as Popeye said “I yam what I yam and that’s all that I yam”. Do the best I can, regardless, race day is always a blast for me good or bad.

Also, I am seriously doubting if I will have the passion to go to Kona, or more like the passion to do any sort of training for that as my priorities have already shifted so much already. Matt’s perspective is coming from where I may be, and hit close to home.

I’m sooooo looking forward to being a dad. :slight_smile: Thanks all!