I looked outside to see that it was getting dark with the incoming storm, so I laced up and headed out for a quickie five-miler. I got to a road I have to cross every time I run, and this lawn care truck drives by slowly.
Suddenly, “ka-Kaw!!!” I track a brown flash before my face over to the ground to my right, and what do I see?
A jelly fucking doughnut!
I wish that bitch would’ve stopped.
Anybody else have a good one to share?
at least they threw something delicious that wouldn’t hurt 
.
Everytime I ride up the coast to Oceanside and ride the back roads to the hardbor I have people throw things, flip me off and yell. I haven’t ridden there in a while b/c of this but if I ever do again I will be carrying a wrench or something to make sure my back/bike/head isn’t the only thing that gets hit with something.
man, after 5 miles, I’d be all ‘mmm, jelly donut’…
I had a Tupperware thrown at me one time on a ride… empty Tupperware, with the guy’s fork still in it. How desperate to throw something do you have to be to forage in your lunch bag for Tupperware???
I consoled myself with the thought that the dude would have to explain to his wife where the Tupperware - and the fork - went…
I got hit with an egg once. When thrown from a fast moving vehicle, they leave a big bruise and lots of tiny cuts. Another time, I was shot with a paintball gun. I’d take the jelly donut of either of those.
A paintball would definitely put me over the edge.
I always think about that Nick Cage movie “The Weatherman,” where he gets a full-on slushy or a burrito when I’m running or riding.
Full beer bottle. Not sure if it was malicious or if they were just tossing me a handup.
Tried to catch it but it was a little behind me and shattered. Damn!
Have not had something thrown (plenty of horn blasts right behind me and yelled comments, rev’ed engines and bluff swerves) in a while, but in high school XC we used to get stuff thrown at us all the time (the problem running around a high school after school is that there are lots of high schoolers around). I have had a few glass beer bottles and empty cans whiz past my head but managed to avoid any direct hits. Not so for some of my teammates. My buddy PJ got hit right between the shoulder blades with a full 44 oz big gulp fountain sprite. It was moving fast enough to knock him to his knees, and of course the lid came off and it soaked him. Even worse was when we had 5 of us running down a rural road and we saw a truck slowing down and the window roll down. The 4 of us in front dove toward the ditch but my buddy Eric was at the back and didn’t see it coming and took a red hot cigarette lighter (the old pop out kind that came built in cars) right in the gut. Left the nastiest welt/burn/scar for the rest of the season. Also had a few guys get shot with pellet guns.
At least a partial six-pack of beer bottles thrown simultaneously from a passing unknown vehicle type. Were they aimed at me, my front wheel or the road? Many shattered right before I ran over them on a downhill. I was too busy trying not to crash to get a vehicle ID, and I didn’t hike back up the hill to count bottle fragments.
Ride in college - 5 or 6 of us. Truck blasted by a little too close, I flipped a bird (this was redneck country and not uncommon on either part of that scenario). Truck stopped, let us ride ahead (single file, no speaking, no looking, me tucked in the middle). Truck revved and brushed by again - heaving some impressive words and a little larger than softball-sized chunk of ice right at me.
Dude had good aim - got my left hip/butt cheek and left me with a reminder bruise for about 2 weeks. I tried to play nicer from then on, but still have a temper for asshats. I’ve been lucky ever since.
there’s a lot of “big” men, as long as they are in their truck and you couldn’t catch them at a traffic light.
you dont know how many times ive wanted to put a carbon soled shoe/Look cleat through someones window.
No way I could get my foot that high. Especially as far out in the boondocks as we were. Now I just work my lungs and don’t offer (usually) visual aids.
But I’m sure it’s the closest he’d/they’d come to getting a cute, athletic “piece of ass” in awhile…and there was a group of us to choose from (including our 6’4" coach leading the pack - thankfully with quads bigger than my head - but I doubt they’d go for the dude in spandex look - not enough fur or feet)!!
About 10 years ago I was walking down the street in downtown Toronto, and saw a cab swerve and cut off a bike courier, who ended up nearly crashing into a parked car.
Cab got held up in traffic about 50 meters ahead, so bike courier chased him down and as he rode by put his Kryptonite lock through the cab’s back window. It was an impressive display of vengeance, to say the least.
there’s a lot of “big” men, as long as they are in their truck and you couldn’t catch them at a traffic light.
you dont know how many times ive wanted to put a carbon soled shoe/Look cleat through someones window.
Rode with a guy in college who used mountain pedals on his road bike (raced Mt and didn’t want 2 sets of shoes). He sharpened a set of lugs to put in the shoes when he went road riding. It was quite easy to tell which cars on campus pissed him off.