So I am at work a few weeks ago chatting with the people and one of the girls informs us she will be turning 19 the next day. The following day I stop at the gas station to load up on supplies and grab three Blow Pops. I rubber band them together and give them to her with a cheery “Happy Birthday.” She say “Thank you.” I say “Many happy returns” and walk off.
Strike one.
That day she tells us that she has called off her wedding and she is very upset about it. Later I tell her I am going through a divorce and can understand her sense of loss and give her my phone number and tell her if she wants to call fine it not no big deal. She says thanks that was very sweet of me.
Strike two.
The next day I realize what a gigantic ass I had just made of myself and tell her the next day “Hey about the phone number. I was not hitting on you. I mean I was just offering you an ear.” She says “That’s cool”
Strike three.
She has now stopped talking to me for a week. I later find out the night after she called off her wedding she was on the phone with my buddy Adam and he tells her that I “like her”. He got this idea because the subject of best looking lady at work comes up and I say that it is her and with out a doubt she one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.
YOUR OUT!
Yep because i have been out of the game for 14 years I had forgotten how things work. In the process of just trying to be friendly I have creeped this girl out big time. Every move I made was an actual move. A move men put on women to get some action and i, being not of this human race, just didn’t catch what I was doing. She now goes out of her way to avoid me and if she can’t just about breaks her neck looking the other way.
Ladies and gentlemen I am one world class asshole.
Don’t worry about it man. You were just trying to be nice. If she’s creeped, it’s really not a big deal. I get the feeling you analyze things a little too much. Just do your thing, be yourself, don’t worry how you’re perceived, and don’t analyze every screw up and every success.
Well, your intentions were good so the rest of it doesn’t matter. No matter what you do some are going to criticise you some are going to commend you. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.
It is indeed a strange new world in which we live. Simple acts of kindness can are misinterpreted.
I use to supervise a staff of women and when they came to me crying because of divorce or spousal abuse all i wanted to do was hug them and hold them to make them feel better but my HR staff said that I would be opening myself and the company to sexual harassment suits if I touched them in any way that could be interpreted as sexual. What a world!!!
I think it’s more her lack of maturity than anything else. If that had happened to me, I would have laughed at the birthday gift and been touched by the fact that you offered to listen to me. When you’re 19 and a good looking woman, you think the whole world is out to get in your pants. Don’t sweat it. She’ll come around. Just stop making any efforts at all, laugh and joke with other women at your work and it will all be fine. She’ll probably miss the attention after a while.
You’re a very sweet man, even if you don’t think so yourself.
Your sentiment was in the right place and there was nothing wrong with your delivery. It will become more apparent to her as she gets older. Trust what Dawn said above, she has the same chromosomes as the young lady in question and therefore far better to understand than you or I.
As for your final quote “Ladies and gentlemen I am one world class asshole” I’d say your assholeness is more regional as opposed to global, but then again I am relatively new here.
Tibbs, first you should pop your buddy in the eye for blabbing about you to her. Why do people do that stuff? As for her, maybe you can (without stalking or scaring her) find a relaxed way to tell her that you just want to set the record straight that you were just trying to help and be kind. If she still doesn’t understand then at least you tried.
I always had the other problem, I would meet girls and think they were just really nice but my GF would tell me it was not just being nice and to stay away from. I grew up in a house with just guys so I think I missed some valuable education on women:) Now I am afraid to be really friendly or flirt at all because it could be taken wrong.
Do as DawnT suggests and just shrug it off. 19 y/o chicks don't have a whole lot going on between the ears (I said ears you perv). Don't let the fact that some chick lacks the life skills to deal with an act of kindness get you down.
When situations like this arise, I always think of that line in When Harry Met Sally: “Men and women can never be friends.” While this is a gross overstatement, I think there is a grain of truth – or at least caution. Until I know a hetero guy for quite a while, I will be friendly but just a little standoffish. The more studly the guy, the more standoffish I get. I never want to give anyone the wrong impression and I really don’t want to put myself in a situation where I might be tempted to stray (been with the same guy 17 years and haven’t strayed once or come even close). Over time (and I’m talking months and years), true friendships will develop. You’re not an ass; just give her a little time to get to know you.
Now if you were gay, that would be an entirely different thing. Women love gay men because they are not threatening in any way. You can hug and kiss them and never fear your intentions will be misinterpreted. Also, most gay men have experienced so much emotional trauma in their life that they tend to be extremely empathetic.
Tibbs: “Hey, I’m sorry I creeped you out before, but would you mind if I took you picture? Its for this forum where they need to see a picture before they believe it happened. Its all in good fun…”
Once she realizes you aren’t chasing her down she will probably be resentful and think “What, he doesn’t think I’m good enough?” and will start to chase you…
I second the motion for giving your buddy a dope slap.
I think it’s more her lack of maturity than anything else. If that had happened to me, I would have laughed at the birthday gift and been touched by the fact that you offered to listen to me. When you’re 19 and a good looking woman, you think the whole world is out to get in your pants. Don’t sweat it. She’ll come around. Just stop making any efforts at all, laugh and joke with other women at your work and it will all be fine. She’ll probably miss the attention after a while.
You’re a very sweet man, even if you don’t think so yourself.
Dawn
EXACTLY.
I find I have to be much, much more creepy in order to creep out a 30 y/o woman that I would a 19 y/o.
<<I later find out the night after she called off her wedding she was on the phone with my buddy Adam and he tells her that I “like her”. >>
After thinking about this for a bit, I have come to the conclusion that your “buddy” Adam cock-blocked you and is hoping to get some for himself. My recommendation would be to catch Adam and this 19 y/o conversing sometime and ask him: “Hey, did the girl down at the deli ever go through with serving that restraining order on you?” and walk away.
