Every once in awhile, the male plumbing goes askew. I’m not talking internal (I hope it isn’t). I’m talking about the nozzle. Have you ever had to go, walk up to the urinal, aim carefully and have the stream seemingly make a u-turn and wet your pants from your knee down to your shoe? Why does this happen? Trying to correct for it doesn’t help as the cockeyed (no pun intended - well, maybe) stream direction changes with pressure. Sometimes pinching off, twixt thumb and forefinger, building a lot of pressure, then letting it rip may help, but you’re taking a big chance. It may just go the other way and get your other leg. What’s up with that?
This HAS GOT to be the post of the year…
I second that!
Wow, the things you learn…
turtle neck or crew neck?
Maybe you got a crooked pee pee hole, or maybe it’s prostate cancer. But then again I hope not because it happens to me, usually first one of the day. I usually just pinch to build up pressure, same way after sex.
There’s the “U-turn” stream and then there’s the “snake tongue” stream…the one that forks into two streams, one going left and the other going right and both missing the bowl.
Now THAT was the post of the year…
Have you done any open water swims in tropical areas lately? It could be a *Candirú fish *has swum up your urethra.
This is a common medical condition called uturnitis. In some countries it is looked upon not as a condition but as a skill acquired through years of having too much free time available to play with your Johnson.
Every once in awhile, the male plumbing goes askew. I’m not talking internal (I hope it isn’t). I’m talking about the nozzle. Have you ever had to go, walk up to the urinal, aim carefully and have the stream seemingly make a u-turn and wet your pants from your knee down to your shoe? Why does this happen? Trying to correct for it doesn’t help as the cockeyed (no pun intended - well, maybe) stream direction changes with pressure. Sometimes pinching off, twixt thumb and forefinger, building a lot of pressure, then letting it rip may help, but you’re taking a big chance. It may just go the other way and get your other leg. What’s up with that?
How to put this delicately? Two possibilities: 1) there is some “residue” from a not-too-recent up-close-and-personal encounter left in the plumbing, and 2) you might want to consider a course of antibiotic treatments.
You pick which is most likely in your circumstances. By the way, this is referred to as “split stream”.
its sort of like having a long time girlfriend. She lets you think your in control, but every now and then she shows you who the boss is. Your “little general” is showing you who the boss is. I wouldn’t worry until he starts talking to you…often
Also, much like dogs, peni (sort of like the plural of cactus is cati) mark their territory. You penis is just making sure that all the other peni in the world know that “this is my man/transport/shelter”
It helps if you think of your penis as a hermit crab, and your its shell. And always remember. You can wiggle, and you can dance, but that last drop always gets in your pants.
-bcreager
Slowtwitch…get the answers to the questions you were afraid to ask, never thought to ask and just shouldn’t ask 
.
Truly hilarious! Thanks
Well, a dose of the clap can cause this problem–or so I’ve heard. Jim Carey had the same problem for a different reason in the movie, My, Myself and Irene.
Now that I’ve replied to this thread, I definitely need to find something useful to do this afternoon.
For a second I thought I was on the webMD forum…
I just lost it and spat my drink all over my keyboard…its something i have often thought about but could never work out…think its more of an issue for us boys in the hood…
Since you didnt include a picture so we could do a proper positioning critique, my guess is that your stem may be too short for the distances you are trying to achieve with your stream. Are you able to get into a complete 90 degree position or is it more of an erect position? Start by first shaving those legs, utmost importance. If you can include a picture make sure everything is clean, or the animals on this site will chew you up, spit you out and brag about the bad taste left in their mouths.
Good Luck
Reminds me of the Fred Gassit cartoon (Aussie or Pom moto types might know of it).
Fred’s standing at the urinal next to a massive ugly hairy biker, the stream goes sideways and down the leg of the biker, and as the aforesaid biker grabs Fred around the neck, Fred gasps ‘I got a hair on me knob!’.
Classic - thanks for the post (never happens to me - much).
Cheers
Barry
I have an office… Outside my office sits my administrative assistant and two other admins sit close by. I have to imagine that every once in awhile, they think to themselves “what the hell is he laughing about?” This post is one of those moments.
Dude, I’m really worried that you want a picture.