When you think of retirement, does it include sitting next to your spouse and actually liking that person and wanting to be with them into your old age? I always kind of assumed that would be my life. I’ve been with my wife for 32 years and she is still the first person I want to do something with and the only person I think of when I want to go somewhere.
But then I was looking at my very large family. I am the youngest of 9.
Parents - My mom died 11 years ago and my dad has been by himself.
1 sister passed away in her late 50’s, husband alone but still hangs out with us.
1 brother never married.
2 sisters and a brother divorced and not remarried
1 sister has a husband dying of ALS in his late 50’s.
1 sister spends as little time with her husband as she can after he got religion and politics in his 60’s and she didn’t.
Last sister is still happy’ish married but her husband was talking about how they don’t do much together and don’t like many of the same things but it is too late to change now.
So out of 10 relationship possibilities I am pretty much the only one with a shot, but I have a very long way to go before I get there since I am only 52.
Been married 26 years. I enjoy spending time with my wife. We both enjoy going out on the boat and traveling. When I go out on the boat it is usually to fish or to dive. She doesn’t fish or dive, but she reads while I do it and we’re spending time together.
I think it is good to have some hobbies that you do alone or with buddies, but I think it is important to spend quality time together too.
There’s a very good chance my mom will outlive my wife.
10+ years ago, doctors told her that she won’t see 40 due to a bad liver, but she’ll be 40 in a few months. Now with her diabetes and all other issues, I’ll probably be a widower before I retire.
With my mom’s family, there’s a good chance once I hit traditional retirement age, my mom will be just fine - her dad lived to 91, her mom almost 95, her uncle was 95.
Once I finally retire in my 70s, the plan is to live with my daughter’s family. I don’t know if she realizes this yet, as she’s 11 lol.
Yes. Married for 45 years. She is still the one I want to be around more than anyone else in this world. We spend a lot of time together.
I feel the same way, except we have only been married for 16 years. I hope that if we are blessed with 45 years together we are as blessed as you and your wife with what you have.
Been married 26 years. I enjoy spending time with my wife. We both enjoy going out on the boat and traveling. When I go out on the boat it is usually to fish or to dive. She doesn’t fish or dive, but she reads while I do it and we’re spending time together.
I think it is good to have some hobbies that you do alone or with buddies, but I think it is important to spend quality time together too.
X2. We do a lot of stuff together - bicycling, motorcycling, scuba diving, etc. but this weekend is a British Car Day weekend for classic British cars. Its a guys weekend as we all own Triumphs and going to be part of the show. Asked the wife if she wants to comes but she said no. We don’t have to do everything together.
But to answer the OP, my parents were together for 70 yrs when my mom passed away at home at age 90 in my dad’s arms on her death bed. They did everything together, right until the end.
There’s a very good chance my mom will outlive my wife.
10+ years ago, doctors told her that she won’t see 40 due to a bad liver, but she’ll be 40 in a few months. Now with her diabetes and all other issues, I’ll probably be a widower before I retire.
With my mom’s family, there’s a good chance once I hit traditional retirement age, my mom will be just fine - her dad lived to 91, her mom almost 95, her uncle was 95.
Once I finally retire in my 70s, the plan is to live with my daughter’s family. I don’t know if she realizes this yet, as she’s 11 lol.
I also have 3 grandparents that lived into their 90’s
My wife is on her 3rd flair of arthritis since I’ve known her. 1st went away on it’s own, 2nd beaten back by Rituxan. She had a reaction to Rituxan this time and Humira only takes the edge off. With the exception of blood pressure and a defective heart valve I am far healthier than her. Been together 30 years. Happy moments get farther apart but my plan is to stick it out.
I’m coming up on 10 years, but I got a much later start than you all, so my sentence, I mean blessing will be a lot shorter than the rest of you. And yes, I plan to spend the rest of my life with my wife, we still have about 15 years of child rearing, then it will be the two of us, supported by one of those bastards, I mean angels. Actually if I live to be 90, my pension will have grown to the point where we won’t be able to spend all our money. Like my neighbor who is 95 now with a LAPD pension, and social security. His pension has tripled from when he retired and just cannot spend that much money anymore, unless he invests with one of those telemarketers from Somalia…
We are both looking forward to the time when my eyesight is failing, and her youthful appearance starts to fade, a perfect match…
Your story is kind of my point. And it is kind of scary to me. Lots of people have these plans, but those plans get derailed pretty easily. My dad never thought he’d outlive my mom, my sister never thought her husband would get ALS, etc.
It seems that idealized story is kind of hard to pull off.
All visions of my future, including retirement, include the Wife.
Every once in a while, my brain will travel to worst-case-scenario-land, which leaves me wifeless. In all of those visions, there is no one else either.
I think most relatively well-adjusted people would say yes, they plan on happily growing old with their spouse, at least at the outset.
But as the saying goes, “everyone’s got a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” Some of the stories you’ve related re: your family and what others have said about a spouse getting sick or going through a bad divorce or something seems like life punching them in the mouth.
As interesting a question (to me at least) is do you think you could happily grow old without your spouse, or with a spouse who gets a debilitating but long illness or something. Do you think you have the resiliency and imagination to develop a new life if the one you planned on crumbles around you for some reason?
My mother died 25 years ago. My Dad got through it and is still alive at 89, but never really recovered from his wife’s death. It’s been a hard decline to watch, even before the dementia set in.
Nope. I plan on dying young, leaving her with a pile of life insurance, savings, and retirement accounts, and she can do whatever she wants from there. But until then, I’m a serial monogamist and we’re together, even if we’re a pain in each other’s ass.
i always thought we’d be together for the rest of our lives, but honestly I’m not so sure. Over our 30ish years together all the maintenance aspects of life have got more co-dependent but things we do for personal enjoyment have separated and diverged.
we’ll become empty nesters in a couple of weeks and it is one of those milestones that has really made me think about what the rest of our lives will be like; along with seeing my parents, who are just over 20 years older than me, transitioning into that old, dependent stage. i see some pretty serious discussions on life in our near future and am not sure i want to compromise much when acutely aware of the limited active time left.
When you think of retirement, does it include sitting next to your spouse and actually liking that person and wanting to be with them into your old age? I always kind of assumed that would be my life. I’ve been with my wife for 32 years and*** she is still the first person I want to do something with and the only person I think of when I want to go somewhere. ***