Did I do the right thing? (1)

Triathlon Forum
1

As some of you from the LR may know, I practice Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ). There are a few womens that train at our academy, enough to where there is a womens only Saturday class.

Womens also train with the guys as well, and all the power to them because I’m sure it isn’t easy to be the only female in a room of men doing an activity that involves grappling (for those unfamiliar with BJJ it is most easily described as a grappling art roughly similar to wrestling (check out some YouTube videos if you want)). If you have personal space issues BJJ isn’t for you.

Anyway, today a young lady visiting from Sweden came in and trained with us (she was the only womens there today). She seemed cool and was fairly experienced (purple belt so at least 4-5 years of BJJ training).

At the end of each class we have “open mat” where we just basically grab a partner and “roll” (spar) for 6 minutes then switch partners. It’s all friendly but rough.

I asked the Swedish girl if she wanted to roll and she did, so we rolled.

As a side note I won’t say I “go easy” on the girls, but I do try to avoid using my strength or weight advantage against any partner, man or womens, because it’s not really “fair” (sometimes lighter, smaller partners want me to go hard so they get training time against a bigger guy, bla bla bla). Anyway, I’m 190 pounds and this chick was about 135 so you get the picture.

So here’s what “happened”. She was wearing a white gi and she had apparently started her period and there was some blood on her pants “down there”. While doing BJJ it isn’t unusual for one to have their face very close to that area (again sort of a side issue).

I am personally not bothered by blood, menstruation or rolling with womens so I just let it go. I’ve been married for 18 years, I buy “feminine products” at the grocery store for Mrs Duffy all the time. It’s part of life, etc.

So here’s my question: should I have said something (quietly and away from everyone else)? I thought of saying something so she wouldn’t roll with someone less “enlightened” and be, well, I don’t know what… but she went to the locker room after our roll and I’m pretty sure her last roll was with me. So I didn’t say anything.

If there was another female there would having that woman say something be ok? She was the only womens in the building.

Again, I didn’t feel bothered by this, I just didn’t want her to suffer from any potential embarrassment.

I asked mrs Duffy and she said, “so now you’re rolling with Swedish chicks???”

What say you, ladies?

Ps: this girl will be training at our academy for the next few weeks so it’s likely I will be seeing her again.

Pps: she looked to be around 30 years old if that matters.

2

Yes, you should have said something to her. She may have been cool with a man noticing and speaking up. If I a man with his pants unzipped and a drip on his crotch, I will let him know what is going on down there. I think it is wrong that people allow others to walk around embarrassing themselves without knowing.

3

I was hoping that since she was done with class, and didn’t roll with anyone after me, it was a “no harm no foul” situation.

I don’t think anyone else saw what had happened (but I don’t know for sure) and I figured by not saying anything she can go on believing that nobody saw it.

I’m not at all trying to justify my actions (or inaction), just explaining my thought process.

My gut was telling to speak up but my head was telling me to leave it alone. I probably should just always go with the gut.

4

Next time say something. She probably got home and is now wondering how many people noticed and wondering why no one said anything.

5

Now I feel terrible, and stupid.

6

You are but we still love you anyway.

7

Now I feel terrible, and stupid.
Don’t because it isn’t your body in question. If ever this situation arises again, just tell the woman to go to the toilet and check herself. She should know what that means. There is a gal who takes the same fitness class as I and for some reason, she can’t get that her ass is too big for the leggings she likes to wear. Whenever she bends over, all hell is revealed and I simply tell her to pull up the pants. She is cool with me saying something to her because she knows it is better to know than not.
I find it odd that for all of the corny shit you post, you could not say anything to her.

8

This. I was at a local outdoor pool with kids last weekend and there was a lady sunbathing in a bikini, but had a little white string hanging waaaaaay out there from her bottoms. I followed her to the change area/washrooms and just let her know - she was mortified. Us ladies wanna know - just be discrete about it. If she does BJJ, she’s prolly pretty tough mentally and wouldn’t be offended if it was subtle…

AP

9

Now I feel terrible, and stupid.
I find it odd that for all of the corny shit you post, you could not say anything to her.

I could have without any discomfort (and I most definitely would have had it not been the first time I met her). I chose not to because I thought that was the right thing to do. If I saw her looking for another roll with someone else I certainly would have said something.

10

You are but we still love you anyway.

Did you love me when you thought I was a hairy Italian guido? :slight_smile:

11

You aren’t?

12

You aren’t?

I posted a picture one time because I had patch of skin that wouldn’t get tan (my shirt was off) and (I think it was) you replied that you always pictured me as an fat(ish) hairy guido, and you were surprised by how awesome I actually looked.

Maybe it was someone else that said that.

13

I can picture myself saying the first half of that post but not the second half.

14

I can picture myself saying the first half of that post but not the second half.

I’ll translate for Duffy. “In your dreams…”

15

I can picture myself saying the first half of that post but not the second half.

I’ll translate for Duffy. “In your dreams…”

Actually, in Jen’s dreams. She tries to deny it, but…

16

I view this the same way I’d want someone to tell me if I had food in my teeth or my blouse button open. In the future, you can do the faux-ignorant approach of “I think your pants might be stained” rather than “With my understanding of the female body and knowledge of menstrual cycles, I am aware that the bright red stain in your crotch is menstrual blood”.

Some insecure folks might get super embarrassed, but I think 99% of people would be appreciative to know.

17

“With my understanding of the female body and knowledge of menstrual cycles, I am aware that the bright red stain in your crotch is menstrual blood”.

hee hee that would be a very Sheldon Cooper response

18

I nominate Duffy for “troll of the year” post.

19

I nominate Duffy for “troll of the year” post.

I don’t troll the womens. This is serious business here.