The fifth annual running of the Delta Triathlon on April 23rd (a Sprint distance race) was meant to be the second event in the Fat Bastard Challenge. Unfortunately, both challengers to the FB Throne pulled up lame – one with a hip flexor injury and the other having thrashed himself at the Sun Run last weekend. So, the Fat Bastard went down alone to see what he could prove.
In accordance with tradition, I built and installed a set of “ghetto laces” on my new shoes at the last minute. I know it’s a horrible idea, but for some reason I just can’t help but make a new change the night before a race.
I got up late – and even once I was up, I was moving really slowly. This was not the ideal way to kick off race morning, and is highly unusual for me. It happened though, and it was a damn good thing I pre-packed the night before. With no time for breakfast (cue SAC gasping and yelling NOOOOOOOooooo!), I was in my car and off to the races (both literally and figuratively).
I arrived at the race and parked my car with ease – I just love venues with ample parking! As I took Mira out of my car and leaned her against the back to air up my tyres, I noticed a woman 3 cars down that looked remarkably like AndyPants. Turns out it was, and she called out to me. Nice – I’m always glad to see Andy. 
She was on her way to the bike check, so I figured I’d catch up with her there (which I did).
Check in was a well organized affair, with the only (minor) problem being that they had run out of goodie bags and T shirts smaller than size L. Oh well – no biggie. Little did I know that this was actually foreshadowing to the day ahead…
This was a 700m pool swim, in a 25m indoor pool. They had three, double wide lanes, with nine swimmers per lane. We were (self) seeded fastest to slowest, and the lane drawings were random – whichever opened up was the one you went to. Having forgotten what time I marked down on the form, I went up and asked where I was seeded. Much to my dismay, the girl couldn’t find my name! Finally, she located me on the last page – marked down as a 22min swimmer. Okay – SAC and DesertDude will tell you that I’m a crappy swimmer with extremely sad technique, but I’m NO 22min swimmer! She asked me where I wanted to be, and I told her to seed me at the back of the 12min pack, or at the front of the 13’s. Happy that this was corrected, I went back and chatted with Andy for a bit before my heat went off.
The swim was a mess, as you might well imagine. 9 people in a double wide lane, many of whom have no idea what they’re doing as far as pool etiquette, and most having grossly overestimated their ability in the water. I jumped in and instead of giving me a 3s countdown, the guy told me “just go whenever you like – I’ll take the split”. Surprised by that, and with a pack of lunatics headed towards my wall, I took off like a jackrabbit – and forgot to start my watch in my haste. This would prove to bite me in the ass later on, when I lost count of my laps (28 in total). I *think I did an extra 50 in there, but don’t really know. They did have volunteers acting as lap counters, but they weren’t terribly helpful (and as a matter of fact made Andy do an extra 50). I had an okay swim – nothing to write home about, but not a bad swim either. Official time was 14:55, including the run to transition. Yeah, I’m thinking there was definitely an extra 50m in there. 
Out of the water in no idea how long, I went off to transition to get my bike. I had a nice quick transition, and did a beautiful rolling start as I headed right out of the T-zone. Too bad the bike course was straight ahead (the run finish was what went right). This was entirely my fault, as I hadn’t studied the maps very well before the race – but one would have thought that ONE of the seven volunteers standing at the exit would have stopped me! Nope – not a one. When I got to the finisher’s chute, I figured something was wrong and stopped to ask the corner flag girl. She was a little slow, but very nice and eventually pointed me in the right direction. My bad, next time I’ll study the maps better. Back on track, I tried to settle in and find a rhythm. My HR was pretty high, and my legs weren’t feeling as good as I would like – but I just focused on keeping a decent cadence, and staying smooth. The bike course was very well marked (once you got on it) and I saw a LOT of marshals. I also saw NO drafting! I was amazed! The roads were in pretty good condition, and although they weren’t closed to traffic, there was very little. The course was 2x an out-and back whose only hill was a highway overpass. I got passed by two people – one who blew by me like I was standing still and another who passed me while going over the overpass. Not a bad ride, really. Bike time: 40:31 for 20km.
On to the run. Another beautiful rolling dismount, and I was back in transition. I had a pretty quick 2nd transition, and was off to run the 5k at my usual blistering pace. The ghetto laces were working well, but I had forgotten that these were NEW shoes – shoes that I had never before run sockless in. This would prove to be an issue when a nice blister formed at around the 3rd kilometer. The run course was well marked directionally, but there were no distance markers. On top of that, not one of the volunteers had any idea where they were on the course. One lady right near the beginning told me “you’re almost done” (gee, thanks), and three groups about a km apart from each other told me that I was “at the halfway point”. Oh well – nothing to do but run. While I didn’t have great legs, they weren’t utter crap, either. I managed to pick up the pace over the final kilometer, passing back two of the five people that had passed me along the run course. I also had a strong finish up the chute, and a decent kick over the line. Run time: 27:32 for 5km
I wobbled over to the refreshments table to find no fluids. Where’s the water? It’s over there in the cooler. Where are the cups? Oh – we ran out. Fuck this – I snatched the (18L) jug out of the stand, hoisted it up, and drank from the waterfall that was cascading down upon my face and chest. Ahhhhhhhh. Some people looked on with horror, others with amusement. No-one wanted to share, however. Oh well – their loss.
I had a little food (my first of the day), and wandered down to see Andy finish. Then I headed back to get my bike, as the SAC had another hour scheduled for me. This is where I learned the importance of being a good swimmer. It was getting WINDY!!! When I was out racing there was a little breeze, but the wind was quite stiff now. On my return, it was downright strong in some parts. This has got to suck for the people who swim 20+ minutes, as they face far tougher conditions than even us MOP swimmers. Have you ever heard of the winds staring out strong early in the day, and then dying down? The winds ALWAYS pick up as the day progresses. I’ve never had the opportunity to notice this firsthand, but it really underlined the importance of the swim in triathlon racing. You may not be able to win the race with a great swim, but a poor swim can certainly make the rest of your day a hell of a lot harder.
Overall I placed 101 out of 292 finishers, with my swim split being good for 159th place, my bike split 56th, and my run 186th. Hmmmmm…. I think I need a disc wheel and an aero helmet!