So I just read Francois’s FB/Slowtwitch thread. In addition to that thread I also have noticed that people talk in their postings about their “friends” on Slowtwitch. I know some of you actually train together and in some cases (myself included) have come to Slowtwitch as a result of relationships outside of Slowtwitch but seriously what is a friend?
It seems more and more that people think of their friends as people they talk to on forums like Slowtwitch etc. then they start connecting via Facebook. People post pictures of themselves, their kids, their lives out there for the whole world to see as if everyone is their “friend”.
I guess I am seriously struggling with the concept because a friend to me is more than that but it is clear that I am in a minority. So my question is what the heck is a “friend” in the year 2009?
I think the problem is that we only have one word for “Friend” but many meanings.
I would call most people I meet and many I haven’t “Friends”, meaning they seem like decent people I’d like to meet and probably even get to know.
However I would not consider the above people “Friends” like I would consider people I actually know, work with etc etc. They are also “Friends” but at a different level.
However I would not consider the above people “Friends” like I would consider people I choose to spend time with, hang out with, go to their birthdays etc etc etc.
However I would not consider the above people “Friends” like I would consider people I live with have chosen to spend the rest of my life with etc etc.
Yes but can someone you talk to on an internet forum be considered a friend? I will say that to me this seems like a BIG stretch but that is me and that is what I am struggling with…
It is a matter of degrees. I consider someone a friend if I know I can count on them if I need help and if they are someone I would do the same for.
I know people who would drop everything if I ended up in the hospital or called them from an ally somewhere and need help and I’d do the same thing, without question.
There are others that would send me flowers, a card, call or check in regularly. I call them friends as well because they obviously care about my well being.
There are people I’ve met on here and extended our relationship to RL or Facebook that I consider friends. I’ve gone out of my way for them and I know they would do the same for me.
It really comes down to having an equal respect and caring about each other’s well being.
In French we have 2 words…ami and copain…close to friend and buddy.
ami - I probably have 4 real ‘amis’. For me, they are people who will be here for me no matter what, and vice versa. That includes when I (or they) fuck up (no, I don’t mean raping kids, killing people etc…)…
They can count on me anytime the same way I can count on them.
copain - people I know, hang out with, have fun, they may be gone of my life after a year or 2, or more…
Yes but can someone you talk to on an internet forum be considered a friend? I will say that to me this seems like a BIG stretch but that is me and that is what I am struggling with.
I guess that depends on the kind of person you are and personality you have. Me personally I would consider most here “Friends”. In fact I consider pretty much everyone I meet, talk to, or know of some level of “Friend” until they do something that is underserving of that title.
For me if someone on this board was truly in need and their was something I could do to help them I would. I suspect that there are some, maybe many that feel the same way.
Do look at the people on this board the same way as I do my close personal friends that I have many years of real life experience and interaction with, no. But that is simply a different level of “Friends”.
While I enjoy talking with people here the idea that I would extend the same hand to someone on an internet forum that I have never met in person as I would to a friend I have known my whole life is not a concept I “get”. I guess that is a failing on my part.
I guess it is a matter of degree as there are certainly things I would do (and have) for people on the forum but in my mind that doesn’t make us “friends”. I think I am overthinking this but it is an interesting thing to think about…that and I am working on an incredibly boring project without much in the way of a deadline…lol
While I enjoy talking with people here the idea that I would extend the same hand to someone on an internet forum that I have never met in person as I would to a friend I have known my whole life is not a concept I “get”.
I didn’t say “The same hand” I said I would lend a hand. Most definately there are different levels and I wouldn’t do the same thing for a person here as I would for someone I’ve known all my life.
OTOH we see people helping complete strangers through acts of charity all the time. For me that’s a level of “Friendship”.
I guess it is a matter of degree as there are certainly things I would do (and have) for people on the forum but in my mind that doesn’t make us “friends”.
For me I look at it differently, what does that make you? The only other word I can think of is acquaintance, but you can be an acquaintance with someone and really dislike them so that does not cover it. People here aren’t my “Enemies” so what would you call them?
For me I look at it differently, what does that make you?
At the risk of deciding how many angels dance on the head of a pin…I think this is exactly the question.
So…you and I have been posting on this forum for a few years, give or take. What do I know about you? You have an engineers precision in thought and word, you live in the midwest, you either run or own a company, you are careful with money as evidenced by your choices around healthcare, you have a lot of the same values I have but not all. I don’t “like” or “dislike” you but we share some commonalities.
If tomorrow you asked me privately for advice, counsel or assistance on a business level I would consider your request and respond to it most likely in a positive manner. If you asked on a personal level I would be inclined to assist if the request were minimal in nature and didn’t involve cash, unless said cash were to a charity you were involved with that I could support. Examples of such a request would be, meet your friend at the airport, give a lift to someone in my area that you know to an appointment, send info about Boston and make a reservation if you are in town.
Does that rise to the level of friendship? No, not in my mind. What I am beginning to understand is that it does in the minds of others. That is the root of my question and what I am trying to understand.
