Thought some might benefit from this roadie translation guide:
Study this handy rider’s phrasebook to find out what
they really mean when they say:
“I’m out of shape”
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven’t missed a day since
the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than
you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your
mortgage rate.
“I’m not into competition. I’m just riding to stay in shape” —
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter,
babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to
force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I
have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.
“I’m on my beater bike”
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium
blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.
It weighs less than a fart and costs more than divorce.
“It’s not that hilly”
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign.
Be careful on the steep sections or you’ll fall over – backward.
You have a 39x23 low gear? Here’s the name of my knee surgeon.
“This is a no-drop ride”
Translation: I’ll need an article of your clothing for the
search-and-rescue dogs.
“It’s not that far”
Translation: Bring your passport