This one is for my friends up north.
It’s humour, eh?
Hahah … nice FAILed attempt at revenge for the blonde jokes. I love Canadian jokes. Bring em on.
Here is one:
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero, when the little Canadian blonde got off work. She made her way to the parking lot and wondered how she was going to make it home.
She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her snowy situation.
She then remembered her daddy’s advice that if she ever got caught in a blizzard, she should wait for a snowplow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough, in a little while, a snowplow went by and she started to follow it.
As she followed the snowplow, she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After quite some time had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signalled for her to roll down her window. The snowplow driver wanted to know if she was all right, as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy’s advice to follow a snowplow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was okay with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Canadian Tire next.
And another. You might have to be Canadian to get this one:
A lady walks into a tattoo parlor. She’s been told that the artist is the best. Being a HUGE Wayne Gretzky fan, she requests that he put Wayne’s face on her right inner thigh. After an hour of work, the artist finishes and shows the lady her work.
“This doesn’t look anything like Gretzky,” she says.
He takes out a picture of Wayne and compares them… “See, they look just alike.” The lady does not agree. So, the artist agrees to do Wayne on the other thigh for free. She comes back the next day to have her left thigh done. He does the tattoo and excitingly shows to her.
“This one doesn’t look like Wayne Gretzky either!”
The artist insists that this one is identical to the picture of Wayne that she brought.
To solve the debate, the artist calls his friend, a huge hockey fan, over to decide. The friend comes over and the lady lifts her dress to show the tattoos.
“Hmmm, I’m not sure who the wingers are, but the center is definitely Lanny McDonald.”
The driver replied that it was okay with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Canadian Tire next.
One question, what color was that Canadienne’s hair?
Bernie
wonderful!!!
One of my favorites
Canadian is on vacation down in Texas. Driving along in a rental car on one of the big open empty highways, he decides to open her up a bit. Next thing you know, he looks in his rear view mirror and sees a set of blue flashing lights. Immediately he steps on the gas and speeds up, but the flashing blue lights keep getting closer. He buries the gas pedal to the floor, to no avail. Finally he decides to slow down and pull way off on the shoulder of the road. The blue lights pull right in behind him, and a Texas cop gets out of the car. He is pissed, storms up to the car and asks for license and registration. Upon seeing the guys license, he yells at the driver.
" I was following you for twenty miles with my lights flashing and you just kept going faster. What the hell do you Canadians think blue flashing lights mean??"
To which the Canadain looks up and replies
“Snow Plow??”
And another. You might have to be Canadian to get this one:
A lady walks into a tattoo parlor. She’s been told that the artist is the best. Being a HUGE Wayne Gretzky fan, she requests that he put Wayne’s face on her right inner thigh. After an hour of work, the artist finishes and shows the lady her work.
“This doesn’t look anything like Gretzky,” she says.
He takes out a picture of Wayne and compares them… “See, they look just alike.” The lady does not agree. So, the artist agrees to do Wayne on the other thigh for free. She comes back the next day to have her left thigh done. He does the tattoo and excitingly shows to her.
“This one doesn’t look like Wayne Gretzky either!”
The artist insists that this one is identical to the picture of Wayne that she brought.
To solve the debate, the artist calls his friend, a huge hockey fan, over to decide. The friend comes over and the lady lifts her dress to show the tattoos.
“Hmmm, I’m not sure who the wingers are, but the center is definitely Lanny McDonald.”
ROTFL!!! That is good!! I’m telling it at work tomorow!!
The original name for Canada, dreamed up by the pariamentry committee in London, was “Cold North Dominion” but that was too long so they abbreviated it C.N.D. The Kings Royal Governor presented the new name to the inhabitants, and they didn’t say a word. They just looked at him.
Well what do you think asked the Governor
"C…eh? said the first fellow
"N…eh? said a second fellow
"D…eh? said a third fellow
“Hey”, said the Governor I like that, it’s alot easier to spell that way!
And that my fine folks is how CehNehDeh got it’s name.
Nice!!
An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.
“Well,” said the American, “I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth.”
He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
“That’s amazing!” said one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other two?”
“Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his.”
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?
The Newfies were throwing hand grenades and the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back!
Another one that requires Canadian Hockey fan-dom.
aw, I’ll take it down, it degenerated the thread too quickly. 
I thank you.
Smelly.
A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven. Others though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit.
But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire,
Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow’s curiosity got the best of him.
So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing. “Excuse me, Prince of Darkness,” he said. “I’m waiting in line for
Judgment, but I couldn’t help wondering. Why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the others?”
“Oh those . . .” Satan groaned. “They’re all from Canada…
They’re still too cold and wet to burn.”
A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven. Others though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit.
But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire,
Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow’s curiosity got the best of him.
So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing. “Excuse me, Prince of Darkness,” he said. “I’m waiting in line for
Judgment, but I couldn’t help wondering. Why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the others?”
“Oh those . . .” Satan groaned. “They’re all from Canada…
They’re still too cold and wet to burn.”
This joke is fucking AWESOME!
~not really funny… but AWESOME nonetheless!
Genius! I think we have a winner here.
I’m not sure why this is a FAIL. Makes perfect sense to me.
.