Calling all savages* in South bay area - Training meet up

I’m looking for a bit of help. After a recent move to the bay area I’m in the hunt for a new training group or individual. Ideally, this person/ persons would be tall, dark and handsome, run like a cheetah and bike like a machine-beast-billy goat- climber thing…
If anyone you know matches this description and lives in the San Jose area please let me know! Ideally, we could get a group of solid* guys together that could do workouts together without the cost/politics/and crap that goes along with true organization.

Stand alone cyclists or runners are fine too.

*savages/solid described as:

  • Bike: <1hr 40k / <2:30 56miles (in tri)
  • Run: < 40min 10k / <1:30 half (off the bike)
  • Drinks beer, eats cool stuff, has something interesting to say

Cheers