So, I am having one of those days at work. I have been in my position for 2 years and with the same company for 7. We just rotated bosses two weeks ago so I have a new one who decides to change everything just because he is a control freak. He’s a real mr. personality too. Lucky me. To make it short and sweet he has been busting my balls (worse than my cement like, three season old bike seat) all day and I started thinking of triathlon related ways to…how should I say…take him out! The bike is full of potential “tools” with which to accomplish this dirty deed. First, I could fashion the front chainrings into a saw blade type projectile, perfect for decapitation. Might be difficult to aim though. Next, I thought to myself, ya know, a bike is full of long, steel wires…but he is stronger than me (weightlifter type and me being a cardio guy and all). So I settled on the perfect plan that would be both tremendously satisfying and allow me to really release some…steam. I would remove my bar end shifters and sharpen the points of my aerobars into dual carbon spears. I’d shift my TTX into the 53X11 (ignore the fact that I removed my shifters. I would do the shifting before removal! Also ignore the fact that I would probably have to be going down a 10% slope to even get in my 53x11) mark off a 150 meter head start, put on my tear drop shaped TT helmet (I would be shedding no tears let me tell you), my Oakley Radar sunglasses (help avoid blood splatter) and do my best Dave Zabriskie impression straight for his center mass. The last 15 meters would be a snarling out of the saddle surge a la Cancellara at the London Prologue. Oh, that feels much better. Anybody else having this kind of day with their boss? Now, back to day dreaming about being on a sunny 4 hour ride through the local hills…
I would give serious consideration to changing the topic on your thread.
Nice thoughts to keep to yourself …unless you want your boss to have this potentially forwarded to him. Not a good time to be looking for a new job unless you figure Obama is going to give you a new government job sometime soon. Might best read “post deleted by 3-piece” 
Dave
Based on your thread’s title I thought Bruce Springsteen died in a tri.
Wow…not the reactions I thought I would get from people. Apparently I am the only one whoever gets frustrated with their boss. Sharpen my aerobars into spears!?! and you get all serious on me? And besides, my boss is neither computer savy, does not know what triathlon is and has no idea that slowtwitch even exists! Lighten up.
I’m actually pretty light and can enjoy your humor. I was only thinking on your behalf … people do pass this stuff on and this is a public forum. Your boss may not know the site, but others may assist him.
Dave 
how about bludgeoning with your chain?
Or convince him to go open water swimming with you.
Duuuuude,
So many people are so serious. I loved your post. Gave me some great idea.
I actually did try to kill my boss one day. He took up cycling one year. He’s a super competitive type so got a coach, personal trainer, every friggen gizmo to go faster and it all worked. He soon got up to my level of incompetence and we’d do some medium length rides together on the weekends.
I remember too well, at the end of a 60 mile ride in searing heat, coming to the last hill back to where we parked our cars. It’s about a 20 minute long hill in several sizeable steps. We both had our HRM’s on our bars, in plain sight of the other rider. We rode side by side so we could eyeball each other. As we got to the base of the hill, the pace picked up, bit by bit. We both stayed seated but upped the pace until we were both going at 175BPM (we were within 1-2 beats at all times. We were each trying to kill the other, both not wanting to look tired or look like we were putting in too much effort.
After 15 minutes of both of us secretly hoping to die so the pain would stop, he called a truce and said “Maybe we should wait for my wife?”
We both instantly stopped and slumped over the handle bars gasping for breath like a freshly caught bass in the bottom of a boat. When we finally regained the ability to speak, we both laughed and agreed it was one of the most stupid things we’d done that morning, and in fact for many years prior to that morning! LOL
I still train and race, but he gave up and got fat again. Now he just doesn’t go to the doctor. I have never even come close to getting up that hill as fast as that day. I have no intention of willingly getting that completely spent, ever again! hehehe
Trying to kill your boss, particularly using triathlon as the weapon, can actually be quite fun! Enjoy your little morning murder fantasty and don’t worry about the nay sayers.
You could save yourself some time sharpening your bars by simply ordering a set of Bayonetz bar ends from Harris Cyclery.
my Oakley Radar sunglasses (help avoid blood splatter)
I thought it was pretty good actually, but just for future reference it’s spatter, not splatter.
Wow…not the reactions I thought I would get from people. Apparently I am the only one whoever gets frustrated with their boss. Sharpen my aerobars into spears!?! and you get all serious on me? And besides, my boss is neither computer savy, does not know what triathlon is and has no idea that slowtwitch even exists! Lighten up.
Hrm.
A public forum. Call your boss a ball buster and a control freak. Whether or not he’s computer savvy, if you are in any size of a company, you may have network monitoring, showing what sites you visit. In any case, while many of us have fantasies about killing someone from time to time, not too many figure out how they would do it and then go post it for the world to see.
Google for the bank intern that called in sick to go to a party, and see what can happen…
John