Kittycat, nearly every point you make has to do with problems caused by reacting to the expectations and demands of others.
Most of your problems go away if you change your own reaction rather than demand change of others.
If you can’t live up to the supposed expectations of others, for the most part that is their problem, not yours.
I could have sworn that you said you were a conservative Republican voter. Better delete that post before Bush/Rove finds out about it. 
these problems are real and exist today and when we as a society can acknowledge this things will hopefully change. and, saying not to fall pray to the demands of others isn’t a good enough solution–that doesn’t help working mothers/parents, single moms, etc.
the reality is that our society isn’t accomodating to young families, even though there is pressure and expectation to have one.
that’s funny–but i don’t think it’s about democrat or republican. i think it’s about companies stepping up to make accomodations. like in the malls, corporations having in house day care, etc. that would do alot for people and would signal change…and more change would follow.
As long as that is voluntary for businesses, I support it.
I’m a big believer in doing what’s right for families and children.
Being a parent is a full time job. There are few people that can do service to being both a parent and career person. Take on both at the same time and one of them is going to suffer.
When a couple decides to have a family serious conversations need to take place on how the children are going to be cared for…by whom…and what will the sacrifices will be in the best interest of the family.
Too often we expect others outside of the family to take on the role or parents. Often at the expense of the children.
I honestly do not believe corporations, malls, etc should bear the brunt of the responsibility to accomodate what parents should be making the time to accomodate. It adds expense, time and takes away from the core of what these businesses are about…In addition it gives benefits to those employees who have kids that single workers don’t…Single workers shouldn’t have to subsidize families with children. Parents should make accomodations and sacrifices to be parents first…careers second.
Where are finding all of these “expectations” of what women should be/do? I only expect 1 thing from a women. If she wants to stay at home and raise kids - fine with me. If she doesn’t want kids - fine with me. If she want to build a rocketship and fly to mars (or venus) - fine with me. If she wants to breastfeed on my keyboard while I’m typing this - fine with me.
I really don’t see ANY of these excpectations you are talking about. Maybe 20-30 years ago this would be the case, but most working mothers do so because of financial needs - not what people expect them to do.
you’re right - it shouldn’t be political. but when Hillary pushes an agenda strikingly similar to what you’ve stated in your original post (“it takes a village”, universal health care, etc., more support for working mothers), the republicans go ape shit.
If women want to be freed of the pressure “society” places on them, then women need to turn off the TV and stop reading women’s magazines. I am firm in my position that these sources of imagry do more to influence our (society’s) expectations than anything else. There is so much conflict in what role should women play in these modern times that it’s no wonder most are closet alcoholics or on prescription meds/therapy.
Martha Stewart has a staff of at least a dozen people making here picture post-card perfect world a lot easier.
Face it, we humans are suckers for imagry and will be duped by the ad agencies every time.
Brett
There are many countries that are moving forward with these issues faster than the US. I am an American living in Canada for the last 20 years. Here are some of the different attitudes I found when I had children:
You get 1 year of maternity leave from your job (you get unemployment pay, so it’s just a fraction of your full salary which is good enough for most people). If you decide to go back to your job, it’s much easier to put a 1 year old in day care than a 3 month old. By the way, I have never met a Canadian that complains about this benefit and having to pay taxes to support it.
Most people, especially working women, are encouraging of women who stay home with their kids. When I was home with my kids, many women would say how great that is and they hope they can do it too when they have kids. There is no societal pressure to return to work at all. Of all the people I know here, there is roughly a 50/50 split on working Moms and stay at home Moms.
In the last couple of years, I’ve noticed a huge number of breastfeeding rooms in malls and city buildings. Great idea. These weren’t around when I was breastfeeding and they would have helped me get out of the house more.
I think this is an on-going issue that we as a society have to deal with. Many improvements have happened here, but there’s still lots of work to be done. I think daycare at work is a wonderful idea and I’m really surprised more companies don’t do that. I also think that more flex work and part time work is needed to help out families.
Dawn
two working parents because of financial needs. yes, that’s right. it’s hard to be two working parents, and small accomodations on behalf of corporations could make a big difference.
and things are more complicated that 20 or 30 years ago, because in most households there are 2 working parents. that’s more difficult than just one working parent. plus there are more single parents facing child care issues. so, things are more complicated, but there is still societal pressure to have a family.
I think looking at the issue from a policy standpoint is a mistaken approach. The question is not a matter of how much government support families have, in the sense of how much maternity leave is granted, etc etc. It’s a question of how much a given society values the role of mothers.
Most people, especially working women, are encouraging of women who stay home with their kids.
I think the situation in that regard has improved here in the US in recent years, actually. People are far less hostile to the idea of a woman staying at home today than they were as recently as 8 or 10 years ago.
I think daycare at work is a wonderful idea
Why?
I can’t understand why you struggle with this issue? What do you think the point of life is? Do you think that starting a successful headhunting firm and driving around in a Jag is your purpose on this planet? This has become the mentality of the average American. People would rather not have to bother with raising a family because it takes an extreme amount of sacrifice and selflessness.
“there is still societal pressure to have a family.”
You keep saying that, but I think it is in your head - or maybe your friends/family are the root of this. I have 3 sisters, all older than you. Only one of them is married with kids. I am 37 and a lot of the girls I know my age don’t have kids. Some are married and some are not, but I never hear any of them say they feel any pressure to start a family. Most of them CHOOSE not to. You should feel empowered that you have this choice.
I DO know how you feel, because I always wanted a family up until a few years ago. Why did I change my mind? Because I got over the sterotype that “that’s just what people do”. Life is nowwhere near as lonely as I thought it would be. If I had kids - there would be no way I could squeeze in time to do triathlons/marathons. I already feel like I am neglecting my pet bird. I am also in the camp that believes having kids can suck just as much as it is fulfilling. There is no guarantee that they will come out the way you want them to.
Do you think that starting a successful headhunting firm and driving around in a Jag is your purpose on this planet?
Why not?
It was a question not a statement. For some people it is probably a very satisfying existence. To me it seems like giving someone a chance to live is a good thing to do. At any point in your family tree someone could have decided I am all about myself. If they would have done that I would be sitting here arguing with myself.
That would make me happy. As long as a person follows their bliss what possible reason for justification to anyone is there?
can’t understand why you struggle with this issue?
they aren’t my issues really. i do experience some pressure to start a family, which can be tiresome, but I can handle that. these issues face young families…so, not me in other words.
What do you think the point of life is?
I think the point of life is to serve others. i do that by helping people find better career opportunities (so they have better quality of life personally, emotionally, financially and other wise) and also through alot of charity and non-profit work…my biggest non profit is Project Linus. www.projectlinus.org if you’re interested.
Do you think that starting a successful headhunting firm and driving around in a Jag is your purpose on this planet?
**I’m not clear if you’re genuinely asking me that question or if you’re telling me that is in fact my purpose. **
This has become the mentality of the average American. People would rather not have to bother with raising a family because it takes an extreme amount of sacrifice and selflessness.
**your saying that is reflective of the societal pressure there is to have a family. if a couple doesn’t want to have a family now or later, many people accuse them of being selfish, self serving, unable to make a sacrifice and attached to material goods. and that is unfair and in many cases untrue. having a family doesn’t mean a person is selfless. and if a person decides NOT to start a family that doesn’t mean they are selfish and living all for themselves. **
At any point in your family tree someone could have decided I am all about myself. If they would have done that I would be sitting here arguing with myself.
And your parents could have decided to get busy on a different night and therefore a different sperm and egg would have combined to form a completely different person and you wouldn’t be here either.
I guess I don’t understand much of your post.
Most of what you state is either asking someone else to help you with a personal desicion or a reaction to what someone else thinks.
Why should I pay for someone else to have more leave or daycare or some other benefit because they decided to have children and I did not? I believe it is this very thought pattern that is causeing all of the angst in the first place.
When people realize you can’t have everything and live their life based on what they can do and handle themselves is then these problems will be fixed, not when everyone else takes care of my choices.
~Matt