hrmm…what is this ASEA I asked myself? Well, I drank me some and boy did it have magical powers. I got myself an enlargened weiner for 3 hours. My girlfriend came over and I couldn’t hug her because I kept poking her with my pogo stick. She was frightened and ran away. So there I was with my bottle of empty ASEA, a girlfriend that wouldn’t give me a hug, and left alone on my couch to pout. My shorts were so tight it was causing me pain so I had to try my hardest to get them off. Darn things were stuck on that pogo stick. Finally I got them off and wondered how I got to this point. I figured it was that Redox Signaling Molecules they talked about. Well, I could definitely feel them Redoxers working from the throbbing I had. So finally, I convince my girlfriend we can cuddle on the couch. But we had one problem! My little friend wouldn’t go away, he kept REDOXING! So then, I got up and tried my best to make it stop. By this point, my stomach was hurting from this magic water. I cocked my leg, swung the pogo stick out of the way, and tried to fart. Those 16 chemicals mixed in the water were not being nice to me. So here I am, half naked in front of my girlfriend, a throbbing pogo stick, and I’ve got the poops. Well I farted, and instead of farting, I sprayed my girlfriend with some ASEA sh**. I mean it really hit her hard. Her face was brown, had a mustache and goatee from it, I mean it sure was nasty. She cried and won’t talk to me for a week now, but this water makes me feel hydrated but boy the side effects are bad. I have noticed I get some increased FTP out of it, but I think it’s because I have to poop and I want my workout to end quickly.
Nice to hear from someone that has actually tried it. Thanks for coming to my rescue. You don’t happen to know the current World Record holder for the most Half Ironman (Ironman 70.3) triathlons in one year, James Lawrence, do you? Would you mind repeating all of the above to him? I think he would appreciate the back-up. The poor fella says that Asea was critical to his achievement of this record and must be feeling a little ganged up on by people, like the ones that have been posting on this site.