I need some help
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Bump just to keep some traction in case it helps someone sees it. Best of luck with whatever you are dealing with.
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Not technically a psychologist, but I have access to a professional school counselor with 20+ years of experience helping kids with all types of mental, emotional, and social issues. Let me know if that can help.
Thanks, my eldest has started HS - she’s 12, secondary school start at 11
She’s been exposed to kids saying things she’s not heard before (sexually graphic) and she’s completely fixated on these things and can’t get them out of her mind.
She can not get these thoughts out of her mind, she says she thinks about her doing something, her friends,.family etc
It’s causing stress / distress and anxiety - she’s ASD so fixates a lot anyway.
Not sure where to start.
Any thoughts appreciated
High School at 12? Seems pretty young, my oldest is 8th grade at 14 and is going in next year. Younger ones are almost 12 in 6th, but we are getting the same thing as you. They are mostly taking it in stride, we talk about the sexual stuff and correct any misconceptions. As for the foul language, does stress them out, but there we are just teaching them that those words are not normal, but they are also not necessarily dangerous. They are description words that people use when angry, afraid, impulsive, or just wanting attention. So far so good on that front, time and place for weird stuff, and just ask us if something seems wrong or off…
UK we have primary from 4 to 11 and secondary from 11 to 18
I’m not worried about bad language (most of it she’s heard at home 
) but she is having a real problem with being fixated on thinking about all the sex related things they talk about
OK I thought maybe she jumped ahead some grades and was thrown in with much older kids..I guess there are older ones, just not in her class.
Is she trying to figure out what they are? Why people want to do them? Her doing them?
Clearly she’s talking to you, so that’s a great start.
She’s imaging herself doing it to friends, family almost anything you can imagine
She just can’t get it out of her mind
Does the school have a psychologist on staff?
He/she would be familiar with the school, context, environment, etc. which I think would an advantage over a 3rd party psychologist.
Not sure I follow the quoted part above, but here is a pro’s first thoughts on your situation (not mine, but from my wife who is an experienced counselor):
(edit: if you are not in the usa, this is what is an IEP, as applied in many american schools)
"These are my generic first thoughts without knowing the details of her situation. My first question is does she have a therapist that she works with inside or outside of school? If she doesn’t, get her connected as it would be a really good idea with her being so much younger than everyone else she is in school and because more and more things are going to continue to surface in terms of what she overhears and is exposed to (if I am understanding her situation correctly). I also would recommend contacting either the social worker/counselor/psych at the school so that they can check in with her. If she has ASD, then there is a good chance that she has an IEP and social work goals. If this is not the case, it is still a good idea to get her connected to a support person at the school. Then, help reduce the rumination with some redirection. Label the thought, like “that’s an intrusive thought”, name the feeling, then move to a grounding type of activity. There are different breathing exercises (square breathing is one I like) as well as the 5 senses which is: name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. Also create a coping type of mantra: “That’s an uncomfortable thought, but I’m safe. Breathe 4–4. Now, I will start my homework, listen to music, refocus on the teacher, etc.” Having a structured distraction plan can be very helpful - doing sensory break, fidgets, drawing… Also remind her that she is safe and others she cares about are safe. These are just words that she is hearing and that does not mean they are happening to her or anyone she cares about. Validate that hearing these things is upsetting and discuss/share how she is feeling. Keep it short and simple, especially for a person with ASD as well as a pre-teen, lengthy conversation about it all is going to only cause more distress. Finally, parents remaining calm is very important. If a child hears or feels an adult getting worked up, it could be even greater worry that this is a big problem. Don’t spend too much time getting details or over-questioning her about the specifics. Talk more about how she is feeling and coping with it all. Keep social media out of her hands, or at least highly monitored.”
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My grandson is on the ASD spectrum (very high functioning). Also has a tendency to fixate.
I would recommend a therapist specializing with kids on the spectrum. His therapist has helped a ton.
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She’s seeing a counsellor for other reasons, I’m going to see if I can talk to them about it.
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I wish I had something useful to add. I doubt it is something unique to her though - I’m sure other kids in that phase of life also fixate. It’s a hard time for everyone.
I hope she can get some concrete tools for helping her through the transition.
A general thanks for the responses.
I’ve contacted the school to see if the counsellors will be able to pick this up when addressing some other things.
Social media and inattentive parents have a lot to answer for
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