I’m doing ironman nz in march. I’m going to be taking 2 months off work to train for it, my fixed term employment ends early January so thought it was the perfect opportunity to do this. So I will be fully geared up for it. Would like to qualify for Hawaii if at all possible.
Anyway, the daughter of some friends of my parents is having a wedding on the same day. This wedding is in Sydney, Australia. Ironman NZ is in Taupo, NZ.
This race is quite important to me. I’m also a diabetic so really need someone who knows me well on hand to deal with any emergencies. I told my parents I’d really like for them to be at Ironman NZ to support me…
These family friends are quite good friends of my parents,. Am I being a little bit selfish in wanting them to support me rather than attending the wedding?
Weddings happen once (we hope). You can change the race to another race or get a friend or club team training partner to take care of you. I’m sure you can find someone who would be willing to have a free trip to the race in exchange for making sure you’re ok. (yes, you should pay their way. very cheap when you look at the big picture)
With two months off leading up, you should have no problem finding a coach or training buddy or high dollar hooker who’ll help. Need more support than that? Go get a jock strap.
Yes, you are probably expecting too much from your parents. I am sure they support you, but on a scale of things, the wedding is probably more important for them to attend. One of the things I realized after a year or two in triathlon is that my family doesn’t care about the races. They want me happy and healthy and they support me emotionally, but they seldom attend my races. When they choose to, it’s not all that enjoyable for them. I would let your parents off the hook. I let my family know it’s no big deal. They will appreciate you for it and will probably become even more supportive in other ways.
Am I being a little bit selfishin wanting them to support me rather than attending the wedding?
Wanting them to… No, not accepting whatever they decide… Yes. (Taking two months off work… perhaps)
hate to break it to you…but a wedding is a once in a lifetime event (hopefully), takes months of planning and is a major life milestone not only for the bride and groom, but also their parents.
A race is not as important. If the person and her parents are dear to your parents…than its probably a no-brainer for them.
Personally I wouldn’t put them in the position of having to choose. Man up and tell them to go to the wedding and get a friend to go to the race with you.
They can always go to kona with you when you qualify.
Is it possible for you to find someone else who can help you out at your race? It’s not fair to force your parents to make a decision like that if you can avoid it - doing so is bound to cause some hurt feelings for someone.
hah thing is I’ve kinda spat the dummy on it already. They had originally told me that they were going to the wedding and would not be at ironman, I was not in a good frame of mind at the time (work stress etc) and I told them I was a lil annoyed at them choosing that over me.
There is a bit of history there in that this particular family, the mother has always been super competitive about the achievements of her children as opposed to me and my siblings (daughter getting married was a medallist national level for swimming, also did quite well in tris at a very junior level, went on to do med school doing quite well etc), so that kinda influenced my feelings and ‘acting out’ at that time as well.
My parents have supported me at most of my races, flew over to Lausanne this year (they had a planned holiday in Portugal at the same time), this year at IM NZ I had a disaster of a race in every sense of the word and was just lucky to finish, but they were there.
Urghh, now I guess I feel guilty about it all. At the end of the day, a race shouldn’t be this important should it?
Maybe I’m putting too much emphasis on this race to begin with…could also possibly be my last ironman for a while. Who knows. I guess that I might be putting too much importance on it and part of that is because doing an ironman with diabetes can be a very delicate balancing act.
While I tend to agree with those above, you can’t impose your priorities on anyone else. The question of racing and priorities is interesting. My life priorties:
1- My fiance and family (if they have a significant event good or bad I am there)
2- Triathlon
3- Work
Now that may seem warped to have triathlon ahead of work, but I align triathlon with my health. Work absolutely destroys the healthy body and if my boss every came to me and said you have to work 80 hours a week, I would quit. I need time with my fiance and training. I would be miserable, fat and impossible to live with.
No, fulla, you aren’t being selfish at all. As a parent of a teenager, where would I prefer to spend my day? Watching good friends watch their daughter get married, or watch my son fulfill a dream of a lifetime? Not even close. And if my friends were really good friends, they would completely understand.
We aren’t talking about the local sprint race you rolled out of bed to race on a whim, this is a race really important to you. So important that you’re devoting 2 months not working to prepare for it. Your folks won’t feel conflicted for a nanosecond. They’ll be there for you.
"… I told them I was a lil annoyed at them choosing that over me.
… the mother has always been super competitive about the achievements of her children as opposed to me … so that kinda influenced my feelings and ‘acting out’ at that time as well.
…At the end of the day, a race shouldn’t be this important should it? "
How old are you? And no… at the end of the day a single race shouldn’t be this important, or least not having someone watch you be that important. Don’t get me wrong, I am set for my first and likely only IM this year and will be one of MY lifes biggest accomplishments… but come on… compared to family… it IS just a race.
it sounds like the OP has done at least a few IM’s so I’m not sure I would count another one as ‘the dream of a lifetime’.
Now if he quals for Kona, thats a different story.
This may be blasphemous to say on ST, but I think we as triathletes tend to make our next big race the end-all, be-all of our existance. In the grand scheme of things they are not.
Somehow I missed the back story. Fulla, do your race and recruit your friends as your cheering section. If you’ve done one or more of these before, give your folks a pass and let them go to the wedding. Insist that they go to Kona if you earn a spot! Good luck.
Yes, you are being selfish. It must have been very hard for them to break it to you that they were going to the wedding instead of the race. And you made them feel bad (I’m gathering from your comments). I don’t know how old you are, but an adult should be able to do just fine at IMNZ without them. And sitting/standing through an IM as a spectator is not really that great of a time, either.
As they say here on ST, suck it up Princess.
On a side note, imagine how long it would take for race organizers/medical staff to find your parents (or anybody else) in the case of a diabetic emergency. That’s why they have medical staff and why you should make sure that the race organizers are well aware of your condition. (Put a note in your bento box, your pocket, on your bib, etc. to alert them in case of an emergency.)