This weekend marked a lot of “firsts” in my life. Some I can be proud of, and unfortunately one very big one that I am not proud of.
To begin, Saturday was the 100th day of my newborn daughter’s life. It is Korean custom to celebrate on this day. Prior to “modern medicine” infant mortality rates were pretty high. It was realized that if a newborn survived the first 100 days, then the likelihood that the child would continue to thrive and live significantly increased, so they celebrated. (first #1)
We had a simple plan: I would go to work for a couple of hours (it was my weekend for inpatient duty) then I would join some friends who are training for IM Switzerland on their long ride, get home in the early afternoon so we could take some pictures of our daughter in her ceremonial Korean outfit and then go out for a nice Korean dinner.
The plan was to ride Palomar Mountain (first #2). We live in Carmel Valley (aka East Del Mar if you’re trying to sell a home here) so the ride was out to Escondido via Lake Hodges then up to Lake Wohlford and on to Palomar Mountain. I should have known that when Steve said “I really don’t know how long this ride will be.” that I was in for a long day.
Well, long, long story short the ride was dead-on 100 miles (first #3). We started the ride at 10am, we reached the top of Palomar Mountain at 3pm and pulled back into the driveway at 7pm. Do the math, that’s 9 f’in hours. Not all riding time, there were several stops to pee, refill water bottles, gasp for air, eat a sandwich at the top of the mountain, stop a couple of times to warm up on the descent (it was foggy, wet & friggin cold coming down), and then that last stop to debate what we should do, as we knew we were going to get home really late. The decision was to press-on, the day had already gone bad, so might as well finish it out.
Now for first #4, and this is the one I’m not proud of…for the first time in 6 years of marriage and 12 1/2 years together I truly disappointed my wife yesterday. I know that she was really hurt by my selfishness. I know that I have made her upset before and I’m sure she has questioned some of my past decisions, but I don’t know that I’ve ever really disappointed her, until yesterday.
As happy as I am to have finally ridden Palomar Mountain and a full century in the same day, it totally wasn’t worth it. My wife is pissed, actually it’s worse than pissed, she’s hurt and that sucks. We will get through this, I’m confident of that, there are certainly worse things that can happen to a relationship. It’s just that for the first time I feel like one of those husbands that I said I never wanted to be…a selfish turd.
Goodnight.