A few thoughts, as I really appreciate your response:
1.) I simply do not have the time or bandwidth to put in 15-20 hour training weeks anymore. As my wife put it: “are you physiologically capable of getting back into sub-10 shape? Yes. Is that something that fits our lives? Absolutely not.”
Work and family demands mean finding even 30 minutes in a day can be challenging. It’s easier on certain days (e.g., when I bring the kiddo to swim practice, I have an hour to get stuff in). But there’s others where it’s impossible; I’m not getting a long bike ride in on Saturday or Sunday during the winter as we’re on the road by 6:45 and not home until after 4:30. Or, at least, I’m not getting one in without sacrificing on other needs that are of greater importance to our family dynamic. So that’s where I do different things. I can’t leave the mountain, so I can either pay $25 a visit for the gym, or I can go uphill for a workout. Those are the choices.
2.) I’m still not quite ready to hang up the competitor hat and head into the “completitor” category. I think that’s why e-racing scratches a fair amount of that itch for me; it’s still a somewhat new challenge to figure out how to attack, when to push, when to recover, etc. And I know somewhere in this bag of bones is a semi-respectable IM finish. But that’s where I think I’d also see more success doing a bunch of different events. (That’s also the general industry trend for Multisport at the moment – people are doing, say, a trail run; a road or gravel event; one triathlon a year, instead of three IM branded events in a single year).
3.) The hangtag of 40 is multifold. First, well, general midlife marker (hashtag Google search clicks). Second, it’s 11 years since I broke my back and brain. And third, it’s more reflection on what is actually attainable and achievable given my personal history and our family work.
Now to finish the second double espresso of the morning…
2014 was the year I did the double there…I underestimated how tired I’d be off of racing the Olympic hard.
And then I went and did another half the following weekend.
Two months later and I’d use the side of my face and right shoulder to stop from 25.4 MPH in under half a second on my bike, fracture three vertebrae and damage my brain. Pro Tip: don’t do that.
based on what you are saying, park the Iroman thing for several years and enjoy the other aspects of sport and stay in shape, You can come back and do IM at 45 or 50 when you have more time. Just stay consistent in terms of exercise with what your family and work schedule permits. There is more to multi sport than the IM treadmill
Plenty of years to re-engage with your competitive self. The most important part of your life……helping and watching your family grow up is upon you. The days are long but the years are short! At 40 I switched to staying in shape verses racing. In my 50s as the kids grew out of their need for me to coach and direct tournaments I trained and raced a little more. In my 60s while they started families of their own I had plenty of time to do what I wanted.
The great thing about staying active is our kids in their adult lives are now active and you can see our grandkids also having a healthy relationship with being active. Also it is fun to occasionally run/bike with them and they think it is cool when they can watch their old grampa do a triathlon. I tell them I am not old enough to play pickle ball:-)
That’s what is important for me as I age up!
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I remember 40… dimly… 
set my Olympic distance PR at 47, 40 is nothing much.
It’s the family/work one-two punch that takes us out, not the aging.
“The world is a conspiracy to keep you from training” Tom Derderian
best of luck Ryan… in my 40s I gave up competitive running, switched to tri at best efforts rather than attempting to be the best racer I could be. Also went to lunch-hour workouts and an occasional weekend long bike of 3-4hrs. You can do a surprising amount of decent racing on low volume and high intensity, for a while…
You can still achieve peak to near peak performance in your 40s and even early 50s. Almost 41 and I have not seen any significant decline in my biking threshold power (330-340 watts) or swimming threshold speed (1:12-1:15 per 100 yards) compared to my early 20s. My running has seen a slight decline, although only around 25 seconds per mile, from 5:20 to 5:45. The biggest performance limiters for amateur triathletes are sleep, quality eating, life stress and time available for training. If you have big goals, you need to create a life that addresses all of those. This becomes even more critical for masters athletes, as you can’t really afford to make big mistakes in those departments. Most people with Families and full time jobs can’t or don’t want to make the requisite sacrifices in their lives and that is just fine. You should probably just enjoy exercising and not worry too much about racing goals.