I think the time spent plotting revenge against those who have done you wrong or have harmed you is time well spent.
Carrying out the revenge is even better.
However, I have many friends who disagree and say that spending time ‘getting even’ is ‘bad karma’ and ultimately solves nothing.
I usually disagree by saying that ignoring or forgiving bad deeds only enables and emboldens the perpetrator to cause more misery. So, correcting the behavior of (revenge against) the perpetrator is a service to humanity and these actions produce good karma.
never been much of a believer of karma…though I have had a few what-goes-around-comes-around experiences that were pretty sweet. I have never let the feelings take me over completely (yet…it’s us quiet types that can carry guns that you gotta watch out for though) but I am so all about revenge. My best friend in h/s kept making inroads with my g/f while we were dating…and he flaunted it in front of my face. Never has there been an urge to beat someone half to death been so strong through every fiber of my being. And at that time in my life taunting me was the most dangerous thing anyone could have done. How he is still alive today is nothing short of cosmic intervention.
Revenge I say…punish the unbelievers!!!
Revenge can be sweet but in the end living a better life is the best revenge. Revenge is a cost/benefit. What else could I be dong while planning and undertaking the revenge?
I was fired about 14 months ago when my boss lied to the COO about my performance. I could have fought it, but for what purpose? I thought if the COO is so stupid as to not see through his lies then she deserves to have him working for her. I moved on and changed my life by pursuing a different career and have never been happier. He is still slogging away working 70 hour weeks for a very unappreciative company. In my opinion I have my revenge.
The hardest part of being a Christian to me is the “reconciliation instead of revenge” part. The forgiving and not retaliating part is tough for me. Revenge and retaliation just seem so natural. I’d much rather turn someone’s teeth into a “box of spilled chicklets” (as I say), than “turn the other cheek” or anything like that.
I have done a much better job, in my life, of only sweating the things that I can change or affect. Whether or not someone I come in contact with is an asshole or not is likely not something I can change. So, I choose to just go about my business and be thankful I don’t have to go through life being them.
Perhaps this is something that comes with age. In my younger years I would have agreed with the idea that turning the other cheek just opens up more opportunities to be taken advantage of or to be abused (especially with the increasing number of cowards that seem to be there). As I move along, I tend to understand the expression “an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind” mentality much more and am actually able to emulate the behavior occassionally.
Now, sports is completely different, I have not and likely will not lose the hard fouls (basketball) and bean balls (baseball) mentality of a way of eliminating undesired behavior towards ones’ team. Sports and every day life are two seperate arenas. I think I’ve finally figured that out.
I assume that by “revenge” you don’t mean defending yourself - i.e. if a school bully hits you then you should hit back. I also assume that, from your post, your reason for revenge is to “do a service to humanity” by attempting to correct another’s offending behavior. As long as I’m on-point with my assumptions, then I have two thoughts:
If someone wrongs you, and they meant to wrong you (i.e. it was intentional), then you getting revenge isn’t going to change their behavior or the reasons why they wronged you. For some reason - justified or not - that person dislikes you or something you did. You getting revenge won’t change that. It’ll probably just make it worse.
If someone wrongs you, and they didn’t mean to wrong you (i.e. it was unintentional), they be an adult and simply have a conversation with them about it.
Therefore, in my mind, revenge is an ineffective tool for “doing a service to humanity” and it’s an immature way of attempting to correct another’s behavior. However, I think these two cases are rarely the reason for one wanting to get revenge. I think it’s generally because the person who was wronged is insecure and “getting someone back” simply makes them feel better about themselves. You hurt me so I hurt you. Now we’re even. Seems childish.
I can’t think of many cases where a simple conversation wouldn’t be more effective than revenge. That is, of course, assuming your goal is really to correct someone else’s behavior, and not just make yourself feel better about being wronged.
These are all really good answers in response to my question. I like your tactic of being an adult, sitting down and having a conversation. However, some people don’t respond well to reason or good manners. Even in the context of a ‘conversation’ the one who has been harmed must get his point across. If harm has been done there needs to be a consequence, even if it is politely discussed. I forget who said this, but to me, this saying applies in matters of revenge and punishment;
“When you meet a swordsman, draw your sword. Do not recite poetry to one who is not a poet”
I’ve spent more time reciting poetry to people who have their swords drawn. In my life I have realized that when I’m nice and don’t settle scores, I get treated worse. On the rare occasion that I’ve took revenge, it felt good. It also seemed like the momentum of those who were trying to cause problems for me was temporarily halted.
Do others really try to harm you often enough that it’s a constant worry? Are you doing something to provoke it? Does it really affect your life that much (or just your pride)? I’d rather spend my time enjoying life instead of worrying about evening the score with people that I don’t really care about (if I cared about them, I’d talk to them, not think about revenge).
No, I didn’t do anything to provoke anyone. And I would not call it a constant worry…more like ‘a few matters that need some attention’. I realize the drain on my emotions when I focus on unpleasant things like revenge and retribution. So I try to be efficient and not let these things get the best of me. I’m very calm and ‘in control’
Most of us have the good sense to know that we should never offend the wrong person. We know there will be a consequence. But what if we are that wrong person who has been offended?
So, about Karma what is it? Is it something we should fear if we seek justice for ourselves and worry about what might ‘come around’? Or should we delight in being the instrument that delivers the karma consequence to others who deserve it.
You’re conversation advice really did help. Helped settle things in my mind.
I’ll bet you that if you sit back and watch you’ll find that the world has its way of keeping the balance, so to speak. I get as mad as anyone, and I feel horrible when someone hurts me. But I decided a while ago that I don’t want to feel unhappy, and one of the only things in life that I have some control over is my emotions. I realized that thinking about things like revenge really didn’t make me feel better. It made me feel worse. So I just let it go. What goes around truly comes around, and you don’t need to take it upon yourself to exact revenge.
Ask yourself: What do I want? Do you really want to repay someone for the shit they pulled? Or do you simply not want to be treated poorly? I’d bet it’s the latter, so don’t waste your time and energy on something that you really don’t want.
