News item: after barely getting a rider into the top 20 at the Tour de France, many French officials are sure it’s because of their “stricter health controls”
http://www.velonews.com/race/int/articles/8622.0.html
What’s clear is that the playing field is not level for the French. With that in mind, I propose the following rules for next year’s tour:
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Every break must comprise at least 10% Frenchmen. Members of breaks that do not meet this requirement will be assessed with a 10 minute penalty.
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In a sprint finish, the winner shall be the first individual across the line who can perform an Edith Piaf imitation that meets Bernard Hinault’s standards. “It ain’t over until the guy in lycra sings”
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ITT stages can only be won by individuals who claim to have joined the Resistance (i.e. any Frenchman born before, during, or after, world II) and who can explain why the Maginot line was a good idea.
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Doping controls will be instituted: only riders with sufficient levels of aioli, escargot, and really crappy pinot noir will be allowed to compete
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Foreign riders shall be required to use Tufo tubulars.
-j