A few jokes for the men out there

Triathlon Forum
1

After seeing that some of the guys are getting married here, I figured some jokes were needed to lighten up the day here…

           How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it to you !

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows

them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me.”

How do you fix a woman’s watch?

You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can’t shut up long enough to

build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door,

who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.

What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won’t do what she’s told.

I married a Miss Right.

I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes

a woman’s sex drive by 90%.

It’s called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can

walk down the street with a bald head and a beer

gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. Boy ain’t this the truth!

Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and

to the select few women who can handle the truth

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2

Classic stuff…but of course I will deny ever laughing if my wife sees this. She might hurt me…yes I am whipped!

BTW…you are single still right Monty? How far do you have to travel for a date up there on the mountain?

3

Great Stuff. Thanks. your timing is perfect I needed a laugh!

Cheers,

RF

4

A man was in court for a double murder, and the judge said, “You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.” A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, “You bastard!” The judge continued, “You are also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer.” Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, “You damned bastard!” The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, “Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you, or I shall charge you with contempt! Now is that a problem?” The man at the back of the court stood up and responded, “For fifteen years, I have lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer … he said he never had one!”