Login required to started new threads

Login required to post replies

Prev Next
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [Veggie Terror] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
In Reply To:
Has anyone ever wondered what these people call you? I wonder all the time. I've even gone so far as to name myself from the viewpoint of someone else, were I able to actually watch myself swim and critique it. Perhaps we too, the namers of various denizens are denizens oursleves.


MIster thinks-he's-so-good-because-he-just-swims-and-doesn't-bother-anyone



Usually.


***
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [squid] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
[reply]We also have "Singing Guy ". He's a Korean war vet ( I think) and sings 30's and 40's era oldies NON STOP in the locker room before and after his swim.[/reply]

I have one of those, but it's always the same crooner love song....and he is usually naked chatting with other naked old men when he is not singing.

The three I have seen the most lately are:

1) At the college pool, the sorority girls in bikinis who do a couple of laps trying not to get their hair wet.

2) The college swimmer in town for the summer who is totally hot, great personality, always says hi to me... but I am married.

3) The overweight lifeguard who walks the deck like a prisoncamp guard...and always stares at me when I come out to the pool or walk back to the locker room.


______________________________________________________

Proud Founder of the Jamis Mafia- Daring to be different.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [dominator] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
This is the best thread in weeks. My favorite so far are the folks that spend considerable time underwater (sort of like Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate, but without the scuba gear). I've wanted to do this, but always thought I might be perceived as "weird" for doing so. Turns out I was right.

Second has to be Pool Temperature Nazi. His own thermometer; classic.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [spot] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Not sure if these people have been mentioned yet, but what about the following:

Guy who's speedo is so stretched it looks like a big saggy dipper.

The old men in the shower who scrub their crotch for about 5 min, WTF
Last edited by: pokey: Oct 24, 06 18:58
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [spot] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
We have a girl I like to call Stereotype Legitimator: Girl that wears a normal one-piece suit with lycra shorts over it. She has a buzz cut and hairy armpits. Not interesting if it weren't for the fact that she does flip turns with breaststroke. It's really wierd to see because she does the entire turn in kind of a missionary position (the girl position, not the guy one) and pushes off the wall in a movement that sort of resembles a plie (the ballet movement) except for it's not graceful at all. I call her the Stereotype Legitimator because I've spent the time it took me to read this thread trying to come up with a way that she could look more like a butch lesbian and I can't think of one.

Recently, I've had to swim with a lot of people that take a big, wide stroke when doing breaststroke (I call them Wide Strokers). Most WSers have interesting kicks too. One such kick is one I like to call Neurotic Foot where the person does the breaststroke kick movement, but one foot is much higher in the water than the other and somehow the lower foot is turned such that the toes face the inside of the kick, kind of like that foot is looking to make sure that the other one is still there even though they are apart. Hence neurotic foot. It kind of looks like the scissor kick of a sidestroke, but really dumb.

More about Wide Strokers: I'm always afraid these people are going to either grab my balls with their wide arm stroke when I pass them in the same direction, or kick me in the balls when I pass them going the other way. Unfortunately, you can't count on the depth of either foot, and I've been caught in the balls by Wide Strokers before.

-------------------------------------------------------
Alright, when I say your name, you say 'here.' And we will assume 'here' is short for 'here I am...rock you like a hurricane.
~Ignignokt
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [Veggie Terror] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
People that can't laugh at themselves are just a-holes so-

Hey STers, which one these denizens are you?

1) "Yes I Am a Triathlete, Thanks for Asking Guy"- this guy always wears one of his event swim caps (longer race equals better, extra points for wearing an IM cap), has his HR monitor and strap in place and spends the entire workout setting the interval timer on the watch. Freestyle only.

2)"Pull Buoy Bee-atch"- never seen without the buoy stuffed high up in the crotch because without it, they can't swim, period. Heard to say "You don't kick in triathlon anyway so who needs to kick in training."

3)"Tri-wear Swim Ho"-will only let Desoto garments caress the nether bits; logo featured prominently on ass AND leg if possible. Absolutely no briefs ever; they're "gay".

4)"Can't Butterfly Guy"- I only learned how to do swim last year for my first tri and that was only so I don't drown before the bike and run.

C'mon, you know there's more.

Mr. Uncaptured External Costs

Fossil carbon is planetary poison.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [spot] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
"Insecure Body Image Woman Who Thinks She Looks Better In A Swimsuit By Covering Up With A WET XXXL Cotton T Shirt"
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [triposeur] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
We also have the snow angel lady, but she just does snow angels with her legs parallel to the bottom of the pool while she holds her upper body up on the side of the wall. She always gets in when you seem to be in the end lane and doesn't stop when you swim by.

We also have a lady that always asks for lessons on putting on a swim cap and a middle aged guy that asks for lessons on doing flip turns.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [tim-mech] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Exactly 44 Laps Gal:

Comes every month for a 1.24-mi. (44 lap) time trial - at an alarmingly slow pace.

(me)
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
I have been through every one of these posts on this great thread and still think that the "Seal" guy in the first post is the most hilarious of them all. I can just see him popping up from nowhere, staring at you, and resubmerging. HAHAHA!

We have many of these same people in our pool, of course, but this one time, last year, we had Nicole Kidman. For some reason thats the one that sticks out in my memory.

And where the heck is Doug Stern? Surely he has some descriptions we've not yet seen.

--------------
Elivis needs boats.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [House] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
"3) The overweight lifeguard who walks the deck like a prisoncamp guard...and always stares at me when I come out to the pool or walk back to the locker room"

Why do skimpily clad women think it strange that men might stare(within reason)?


____________________________________________________
"Just HTFU and out sprint whoever tries to take 96th from you. This is a RACE, not a cupcake walk! " -Fungshuay@ST
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [triblaq] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
We have the geriatric whiners.

They mutter darkly from the free swim area and then complain to management when they leave. Being British we dont like to make a fuss ;)

They were swimming aggressively,
THey make too much noise; and my favourite
THey were swimming noisily

The manager is on our side and points out to them that it is a swimming pool and not a walking/talking/floating pool
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [Veggie Terror] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
"Has anyone ever wondered what these people call you? I wonder all the time."

I love this thread and was wondering the same thing. I'm probably "anti-social, lead-legs(very slow), ambiguous-stroke, don't you know black people don't swim guy". Anti-social because usually I don't have my glasses or contacts in so I can't tell when people are talking to me.

Also, at our pool we have "too good to be on the swim team family". Kid is too good for the swim team or parents think they're better than the swim team coach. So they get a lane and have "swim team practice".


____________________________________________________
"Just HTFU and out sprint whoever tries to take 96th from you. This is a RACE, not a cupcake walk! " -Fungshuay@ST
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [tim-mech] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
I"m the guy that can only swim one stroke, sometimes just straight swimming....only freestyle.

I'm ALSo the guy that swims in running shorts and has to tie his stings before he gets in lest I get "pantsed" by the water pushing off the wall.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [spot] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
I forgot about my personal favorite:

"Perfection in a speedo" guy

Makes it easier to get up at 4:45 am

Jodi
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [triblaq] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Holy crap! I have the same lifeguard! He never talks to me, but he's always chatting up the large older Walker Ladies that start entering the pool at 0700. This morning I decided to name him "Sullen Hairy Lifeguard Dude"....this boy seriously needs to smile, shave his back, and lose some weight.

Spot

___________________________________________________
Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [tim-mech] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Me, I'm the Try-To-Fly-Under-The-Radar Woman, going to the pool at off-hours (middle of the day), slipping in surreptitiously, doing my workout for the day discreetly, trying to figure out the right angle for the catch and pull, the timing of the breathing on my weak side, the greatest hip torque for the buck, and most of all trying not to look too obviously out of place with all the swim studs lapping me every 50 meters while I plod along.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [slo-mo] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
After my workout this morning, I am probably "No 2 lengths of freestyle look the same guy"....or, maybe, "Cannot breathe and keep non-recovering arm straight in the water to save his life guy"....

Spot

___________________________________________________
Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [triblaq] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
I think I was the 'Lifeguard Who is So Little That's There's No Way She Can Save My Fat Ass.'
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [spot] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Alright, this is the weirdest (and funniest) thing I've seen. I'll just have to call her "angry naked lady".

I was swimming at the Deep Eddy pool in Austin. There's this little shack (looks like it might contain a pump, or maybe cleaning equipment, who knows) off to the side of the pool. Lady tries to go inside it but the door is locked. Ladys huffs and puffs, making a scene, then strips TOTALLY NUDE and changes out of her suit and into her clothes.

Lifeguard tries to discreetly tell her that's not totall appropriate (even for Austin). "Uh...ma'am...ma'am....lady....hey". And she flips out and screams "WELL IF YOU HADN'T LOCKED THE DOOR I WOULD HAVE CHANGED INSIDE".

To which he replies "That's not a dressing room. The women's dressing room is right over there".

She stormed out. Awesome.




Your favorite mafia sucks.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [House] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
House,
You're in L-ville. Do you swim at MTM? If so, we're probably talking about the same singing guy. Also, I think I know which lifeguard you're talking about. He sometimes does martial arts moves as he patrols the deck.
Last edited by: squid: Oct 25, 06 7:29
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [tim-mech] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
'Triathlete Guy...'

Very tan, very fit, and absolutely clueless. Hands-down the most insecure person on deck, because he looks the best and can't swim for shit. He knows it, you know it, and he knows you know it.

He's wearing a swim cap (big no-no) and it's purple and says 'Florida Half-Ironman.'

He's got a flavor-flave size Polar watch on his wrist, and may or may not be wearing the strap across his chest.

He's got a water bottle filled with some sort of pinkish/orangish fluid because god forbid you swim an hour without a fluid replacement drink, and it usually has something stupid on it like 'Eagleman 70.3'

You tell him to do a 500 and he says 'that's 10 laps, right?' and you wanna throw up. Only triathletes think down and back is a 'lap.' You say 'no, it's 20 laps' and you watch his head explode.

He puts the pull-buoy on and you immediately see why. His beautiful legs sink like rocks and his toes are pointed down to the bottom because he's got no ankle flexibility. It's difficult to watch.

He can't do a flip turn. If his life depended on it.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [eganski] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
>> Only triathletes think down and back is a 'lap.'

Seriously, I thought down and back *was* a lap! Isn't just "down" a "length"? Doesn't "lap" imply you return to where you started (like a running track...)?

btw, I must be tall-skinny-slow-guy-who-can't-flip-turn. :-)


"100% of the people who confuse correlation and causation end up dying."
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [eganski] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Ouch! Spot on with everything but the drink. I get enough fluids every time I breathe to the right. And the swim cap is to protect the hair from chlorine. I'm not showing off.
Quote Reply
Re: Strange Denizens of the Pool.... [spot] [ In reply to ]
Quote | Reply
Reading this yesterday and today...and have forwarded it to all my friends. SOOOOO funny, so I chime in now.

One lifeguard we have we call "Needs a sandwich and a hug" extremely scary skinny and very sad.

We have a very flamboyant lifeguard who insists upon playing Its Raining Men or anything by Cher.

We have the Terminator - this riduculously bad swimmer who has gotten in fights with everyone, from the sweet moms, to the tri guys, to the elderly gentlemen. He starts every swim session with 400 breast stroke - got in one fight with my best friend and she yelled at him "Who the hell do you think you are Mark Spitz?" BUT see him out of the pool and he is a meak mild whimp!! AND he wears a speedo that is waaaaay to small. Icky!

We have deep diver - she's my best friend who every 100 or so gets to the end and just sinks then pops up like the first post - just like a seal. But she's an amazing swimmer and very curtious.

We have the 50 backstroker! Why in the world does he do 20 sets of this?

And cannot forget the older ladies - who don't shave enough and stand above you on deck and try to carry on a conversation with you....thank god I leave my goggles on when that happens!

And my favorite elderly gentlemen who always asks me (every day when I am in the pool)....when are you doing the BIG race (he means Kona) and I proudly tell him....in my dreams!

One more funny one....my husband was swimming at a beautiful pool on Nantucket last spring...he got to chatting with the lifeguard and asked if anyone famous ever swims there...another lifeguard chimed in with tell the Jerry Stiller (as in the dad from Sienfeld) Story. Apparently he likes to swim in his underwear to and to make a long story short...after alot of trying him to put on a suit, they just let him swim that way. The guards say its hard to even watch the others swim cuz they just keep getting the giggles. Can't you just hear him yelling Festivus for the Rest of Us??

Kat Donatello
2015 Betty Designs Team
RD, The Pumpkinman Triathlon Festival
http://www.pumpkinmantriathlon.com/
Quote Reply

Prev Next