The "frisky" couple in the lap pool cracks me up! I was at Master's Swim last winter when a high school couple jumped in the opposite end of the lap pool and started getting their groove on. Our swim coach/instructor -- a small, but perfectly chiseled female athlete, was going through the workout when she stopped mid-sentence and yelled (while clapping her hands like you would do to scold a dog):

"Hey, Hey, HEY! Save it for prom sweetharts!!!"

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If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers

Emery's Third Coast Triathlon | Tri Wisconsin Triathlon Team | Push Endurance | GLWR

Ever since that thread, I've realized how many fears/aversions I have. Maybe I just need intensive psychotherapy...

did you ever notice how scary some jackolanterns are? I saw one last night thats eyes were just gleaming... it's expression said "HAHAHA I AM GOING TO GET YOU!" not all jackolanterns, but some.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Great stuff. A few more:

"Swimming freestyle without putting your face in the water woman." She can and does turn her head 270 degrees in alternating directions on each stroke.

"Unbelievably patient TI balance drills guy" He spends an hour in the pool drilling, never swimming. Sometimes he asks to share your lane.

"Really old 5 minutes per length lady" It's really difficult to detect any forward progress.

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Coach at KonaCoach Multisport

Jackolanterns will eat you in your sleep. Seriously.

At our club we have many of the same. We have "Beef Jerky Lady" who seriously needs to stay out of the sun but will bake by the out door pool all day.

We got "Way too fast ITU Triathlon guy" Mr. Tex himself. I never get to swim with Mrs. Way too fast ITU Triathlon chick.

We also have a few lane hogs.

"Hey, Hey, HEY! Save it for prom [Fears and Aversions Thread] sweetharts!!!"

No hijacking the Pool Denizens thread! ;-)

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Mr. Uncaptured External Costs

Fossil carbon is planetary poison.

Will Deep End Guy marry Record10Carbon?

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"...it should be swim, bike, run, cage fight." - el fuser
"I noticed that I am in your sig line! Wow! That's s first for me. Thanks." - Fleck

maybe the jackolantern was at the pool

maybe it is coming to attack me there when I swim tomorrow morning! if it doesn't get me in my sleep first!

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

LOL! You win!

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Mr. Uncaptured External Costs

Fossil carbon is planetary poison.

No, that's Deep End Guy swooping up from below to attack you, after he spends 5 minutes apparently inspecting the pool filter intake thingy at the bottom of the deep end for no apparent reason. WTF is doing down there?? I really would like to know...

Spot

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Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.

OH at my old pool I had a running gun battle with the AuqaBiddies. They hated me and I hated them. Now I am not prone to hate as I try to keep my heart full of love for my fellow man BUT these old bitches deserved every once of venom I could muster. The story is long and grusome but on day as the Fat Assed lead aquabiddie jumped into the lane infront of my I rammed her big fat ass with my bald head.

Hilarious!!! There is a guy who comes to the pool I swim at that sits out in his car for a half hour before coming inside. The whole time he is sitting in his car he is smoking the most vile cigar I have ever smelled. When he finally gets around to swimming, he stands at one end, dives in and swims an entire length underwater. Takes a 2 minute break then repeats from the other side. The whole time, you can smell him and his stinky cigar from about 15 yards away. After about 15 minutes of the underwater routine he begins to do laps of modified elementary backstroke (modified because he windmills his arms out of the water). Then he gets out and takes a 20 minute shower, which totally pollutes the air in the locker room with his stinky cigar smell.

Generally, I just try to avoid times when this guy is there.

Bernie

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"Slowbern has always made astute observations."-Casey 03/10/2009
2013-2014 Detroit Lions---13-3 until proved otherwise.

my Y has a 100 mile swim club for a tshirt that has been going on all year. about 4 months ago a older lady 55-60 shows up with a shower cap and dog paddles for 2 hours straight, we kinda laughed, now with 2 months to go she is ahead of me for the tshirt and i kinda go damn way to go 100 miles dog paddling cannot be easy. by the way the perfume ladies are the worst when your sucking gas and get cheap perfume instead

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ken
trying to act like a runner

Tigerchik,

"Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest gazelle, or it will starve."

Doesn't the lion only have to outrun the slowest gazelle?

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At my pool we have chicken leg lady. Never in your life have you seen legs this skinny!

Arch

Zen Lady. Floats on her back, extremely slowly, stops, gazes at the sky, continues.

She is a good person to share a lane with when I water-run because she floats at my exact water-running pace.

She is the happiest looking person in the whole pool.

I may fall into a couple previously posted categories myself, but there's also:

--White Water Man: His feet completely clear the water when he kicks churning up a boat like wake. Sounds like a tug boat going by (He can swim nonstop forever though).

--The "I forgot to wax" lady: Saw her the other day, pubic patch extending 2-3 inches outside of suit. VERY scary.

--The Magician: He just appears out of nowhere, didn't bother telling you he was entering your lane and comes at you head on at full speed as you make your turn from the other end. Can result in disrupted lap, painful crash and/or occasionally a fist fight.

--The "I don't know how to swim" kid: Leaves the family swim side of the pool to do a 25 yard race against his buddy. Dives in your lane and goes balls-out , head out of water, flailing side to side. Stops about 10 yards into the lap.....

Great, now I have to gouge out my minds eye! Aach!

Arch

These are great.

The only one I can add is the "used to be great" guy. He is the former high school or colege swimmer who is now in his 30s or 40s. He's badly out of shape, but still has enough stuff left over from his glory days to do a decent 25 or 50. Takes about a 10 minute rest between reps then repeats. This guy ALWAYS has to throw in a length of butterfly, even though his form has gone to hell and it leaves him looking like a cooked red lobster when he's done. Occasionally, he will morph into "want to race you" guy.

Yup, as has been mentioned, you must swim at the same place I swim at ... :)

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Fatigue is biochemical, not biomechanical.
- Andrew Coggan, PhD

I can add not as fast as I think I am lady who swims several lanes across speedwise from where she should be at masters workout but still wants to lead. Funny thing is she's married to a guy who swims in lane 1 and presents the tour and even triathlon coverage on a certain tv station. Her stroke is awful (highest count I have ever seen, over 35 strokes per length) and he has never done anything to fix it to my knowledge.

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Forget speedwork. Speedwork is the icing on the cake and you don't have a cake yet. - MattinSF

Basically they have 9 tenants, live life to the fullest, do not turn the cheak, and embrace the 7 deadly since. - TheForge (on satanists)

You must flip out on halloween

at my last tri, i wound up trapped on the claw side of water-slapping-guy. not fun.


at my pool, we have a bunch of these types.
we also have 'sometimes swims in his wetsuit guy' who occasionally comes and does pool laps while wearing a neoprene wetsuit.

oh wait, that's me....

My pool

Weird Forein guy- Small 90lb overly tanned, 70+, Italian guy in old see through bannana hammock

Aqua Biddies- we got um, we call them the Orca's Black/White and Big (I am a terrible person I know, I donot hate these ladies, at least they are there working out.)

We also have the Bull Seal- This guy is pushing about 350lbs but can MOVE through the water. I have no Idea how he does it.

My favorites are the Muscle guys that look like they are drowing, it could be the shorts that hang down to their ankles.

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This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. - Fight Club
Industry Brat.

We've got the lots of Splash guy at our Y also, I actually counted his strokes per lap once and it was somewhere around 50. He's been there for like 10 years. Once I gave his some stroke correction, although he just noded, not sure if he speaks english, but he did slow it down a bit. half hour later I looked over and he was back to his old tricks.

you're like the tenth person to point that out... yes, the lion only has to outrun the slowest gazelle, but it doesn't sound as catchy if you say "slowest."

maybe I'll just edit it so only the last line is there, cuz that's the important one

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD