Thanks Jill for the help on the Destin rides, I had a great time.

The management calls me, The pain-in-the-ass-lap-swimmer-guy, that does get it that we are a swim team pool and he should feel blessed we let bottom feeders like him in the pool... When schools are out, even for a day, the 5am swim teams are rescheduled to come in at 7am and occupy the lanes normally filled by lap swimmers. Hmmm, might be a problem there. Otherwise known as time me with a calendar lap guy.

Glad to help. I want people to have a good vacation in my neck of the swamp.

New one just in. Tonight at Masters practice we were sharing the pool with rec swim. Three huge guys (hockey players?) swimming laps with one pool buoy tied to each foot while doing freestyle with their legs split wide open. All three swimming the same way, all in the "fast" lane. My coach and I were pretty perplexed.

Sensory Deprivation Chamber on the cheap.

Back in college we had a pool that was really deep in one end (used for diving), and at the end of my workout I would let myself sink to the bottom and stay there with my eyes closed. It was really relaxing, and a great way to end a stressful workout. Of course I was doing that a couple of times at most, but maybe the Deep End Guy is hooked and only does that.

John

Frat Pledges Counting All the Tiles on the Bottom of the Pool Guys--

When I lifeguarded at my college pool, we had some frat pledges come in one night with a garden hose. "Hmm," I sez to myself, "mebbe I better go check this out." So I asked them, "What's with the garden hose?" They said, "We're pledging a frat and we have to count all the tiles on the bottom of the pool. We're going to breathe through the hose."

I said, "Well, there's a couple of problems here. First of all, when you get to the bottom of the pool, even in the shallow end, you ain't gonna be able to suck in any air through that hose." This part stunned them. I guess they never heard of hydrostatic pressure. "Second," sez I, "this here's MY pool and as long as I'M in charge here, nobody is going down to the bottom of the pool and trying to breathe through a friggin' garden hose. If you try it, I'll throw yer asses out."

"Well, how are we going to get into the frat?," they protested. I said, "I don't give two pimples on a rat's ass, as long as you don't drown in my friggin' pool." Then (even though I wasn't a Geometry major) I told them, "Look, just go down the length of the pool and count all the tiles. Then, go across the width of the pool and count all the tiles. Then, multiply a x b. Voila, you now know how many tiles are on the bottom."

They gave this some thought for a while, then muttered amongst themselves, and left. I guess they probably got paddled when they got back to the frat house or something.

Hysterical!! I guess they didn't want to do the math, huh?

I'm hitting the pool tomorrow...hopefully there will be some new creature of the pool to observe...

Spot

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Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.

[reply]Look, just go down the length of the pool and count all the tiles. Then, go across the width of the pool and count all the tiles. Then, multiply a x b. Voila, you now know how many tiles are on the bottom." [/reply]

why even do that? measure 1 tile, measure the pool area, there you go...

Quote: "Frat Pledges Counting All the Tiles on the Bottom of the Pool Guys-- "
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Ummm ... did one of those "frat guys" look like me? ...

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If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers

Emery's Third Coast Triathlon | Tri Wisconsin Triathlon Team | Push Endurance | GLWR

It's time for me to come clean.
I've been nearly all of these strange pool creatures.

Yes, I've hung out on the bottom in the deep end for long stretched, coming up only to turtle for air.
Yes, I've been the weird guy with huge fins doing bizzare strokes and drills (though never in a lane, duh). The fins looks especially odd to fellow swim geeks because they're *dive* fins, and odd ones at that. They're good for some things, but only a few times a year.

Yes, I have done the elementary backstroke.

Yes, I have done 50 yard intervals for an hour. Hey, I have an ocean to do my base swims!

Yes, I've been The Mean Lifeguard. The one the moms applaud when I yell WALK at a kid 175 yards away, on the other end of the property. Sadly, not the one ultra fast kicker girl dates, because she saw the weird fins and her friend was snickering over The Package.

I've been first in the water guy, and last out guy (someone had to clean the filters and the grate).

One pool denizen I definitely have not been is Wild Turkey. Not Wild Turkey Guy, no. Wild Turkey.

One day, not long after the 4th of July at the county pool where I guarded in North Jersey, we had a turkey show up. There was a lightly wooded area near some houses that backed up against the fence, he must have come from over there. I was on the stand closest and saw him first. He wasn't just sitting there either, he was running like he was being chased.
But it was he that was the hunter.
This turkey sprinted across 20 yards of freshly cut grass to the concrete. He was about 30 yards away from me near the diving boards when he attacked. He THRUST his beak into the heavily cholorinated water and shook it all about, like he was trying to tear it apart. I sat there, wordless. The damn turkey had it in for our pool, and I wasn't going to sit there and watch any longer (no one was in the water). I blew that whistle twice and hopped down, giving chase. I made it about three strides before the turkey decided to leave his prey to be peed upon by little kids and old ladies. He took off for the fence between us and the fire station, and man he was faster going than coming. The amazing part is that he did this FANTASTIC sideways backflip over the 7 foot tall fence - without breaking stride. Phenomenal.
8.6 from the British Judge, 9.0 from the East German judge....
I swear, the Wild Turkey was a gymnast. The image of that leap has been burned into my brain ever since, and I still cannot explain it.

I'm still trying to figure out what the pool ever did to HIM too.

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Yeah, it's a great bike but the engine needs work.

Awesome story!! Wild Turkey Guy...fear him!

Spot

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Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.

Deep End Guy update...some new behaviors were observed this morning. Much of the time was spent in lane 5, gamboling about underwater in the deep end like a happy California fur seal, but he also did some fairly odd things. As I swam past him the first time, he was laying belly down at the bottom, almost completely still. This would really freak me out if I was a new lifeguard...I would probably try and save his ass. Other times he was lying on the bottom on his back, feet and arms straight up like dead roadkill, watching the swimmers in the other lanes.

Interestingly enough, 50 Yard Guy showed up and proceeded to sit down at lane 5 to put on his goggles and swim, so I informed that there was a dude underwater in his lane. He smiled and said, yeah, he just sort of floats around. But Deep End Guy wouldn't leave the lane, so 50 Yard Guy had to move to the unlaned section of the pool, where you run the risk of the Walker Ladies coming in at any minute, and who could care less if you are trying to swim up and down as they walk side to side.

Spot

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Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.

Me, too. I sometimes find that I'm the fastest person in the pool, even though I'm much heavier and way slower than I used to be.

Back when I was in college, I'd train with my old club team during breaks from school. One Christmas, my club coach went on vacation and left me and a really fast high school kid with no choice other than to do our workouts at the local YMCA.

This YMCA was old. The 25-yard pool was only 4 lanes wide. It had a strong old-man-smell, no doubt the result of decades of senior citizens wearing gallons of Old Spice, Brut and Aqua Velva. The water temperature was a constant 86 degrees, in order to keep the old ladies in water aerobics class from complaining.

Anyway, our coach gave us two workouts (the same two workouts - talk about boring!) to do per day, totalling about 19,000 yards. We completely dominated one lane of that pool for at least 5 hours every day. I have no idea what the regulars and lifeguards were calling us behind our backs, but I am pretty sure it was something along the lines of "assholes."

[reply]The damn turkey had it in for our pool, and I wasn't going to sit there and watch any longer (no one was in the water). I blew that whistle twice and hopped down, giving chase.[/reply]

Did ya make him sit out the rest of the day? Hee hee...sorry.

[reply]Deep End Guy update...some new behaviors were observed this morning. Much of the time was spent in lane 5, gamboling about underwater[/reply]

this Deep End Guy gives me the creeps. I'm glad my pool doesn't have one.

Has anyone else here read the short story "Guts" by Chuck Palahniuk? It's in his novel Haunted and can be read for free on his website--I won't spoil it, but it is pool related, supposedly based on a true story, and it's definitely not for the squeamish.

Anyway, I will never think about Deep End Guy the same way after reading it.



Link to story: http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/books/haunted/guts.php

P.S. Story is probably not work safe.

Without even reading this I think I know what it's about. I've heard a story of someone involving a hot tub, their anus, and a couple of dozen feet of their intestines.

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Your favorite mafia sucks.

EEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

I saw a rescue 911 once where they reinacted a guy who got something else stuck in the hot tub jets. It was very funny.

bwhahahaha saw that too.

Stuck his jimmy in the suction thing bwhahahaha

http://tafkac.org/...cal/pool_drains.html

sad

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Your favorite mafia sucks.

Yikes. The true story is worse than the fictional version.

Be careful, people.

Sure about that not being able to breathe through a hose in the shallow end bit?

I've had the pleasure of taking part in a test to see how much vacuum a person can pull with his lungs.

The test was for max vacuum and I could go about 80 inches of water gauge. Two co workers both went over 100 and one got over 120, I thought he might blow a gasket.

The military folks on the board will recognize the negative pressure check procedure for their gas masks, those are at 50 inches of water or more.


Now, as the head lifeguard with frat boys + hose + pledge week I think you made the right choise. But I am not positive about the shallow end breathing.

Maybe I'll call up some frat boys and head to the pool tonight to try it out!

There was an alligator in the pool on morning when we showed up for masters practice. Does that count?

You bet!! Was he doing anything weird?

Spot

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Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.

More importantly....

WAS THERE A DRUNK TURKEY WITH HIM?

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Yeah, it's a great bike but the engine needs work.

The problem with breathing trough a garden hose (or a too long snorkel) is rather that you keep breathing in some of the same air you exhaled, and you run out of oxygen.