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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [RandMart] [ In reply to ]
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Well I never thought I'd see the day, but last night was my first experience with this. I just got off antibiotics and haven't quite been, myself, shall we say. I had a 20 mile run last night and on mile 18 there was a knock knock knock on the back door and I knew there was no making it through. I was on trails and hadn't seen anyone so I hid behind a tree. Midway through I hear twigs cracking and turn and make eye contact with a horrified and very attractive gal. I don't think she will ever unsee that event. Oh well. I always take a ziplock bag with a few wet wipes on my long runs just in case and I was very thankful for those.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [turdburgler] [ In reply to ]
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Looks like you maybe shouldn't make a regular habit of doing it where you work...

http://www.nj.com/...eved_himself_un.html
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [turdburgler] [ In reply to ]
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turdburgler wrote:
Well I never thought I'd see the day, but last night was my first experience with this. I just got off antibiotics and haven't quite been, myself, shall we say. I had a 20 mile run last night and on mile 18 there was a knock knock knock on the back door and I knew there was no making it through. I was on trails and hadn't seen anyone so I hid behind a tree. Midway through I hear twigs cracking and turn and make eye contact with a horrified and very attractive gal. I don't think she will ever unsee that event. Oh well. I always take a ziplock bag with a few wet wipes on my long runs just in case and I was very thankful for those.
Your username just got more awesome.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [afrizzledfry] [ In reply to ]
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I forgot to plant a water bottle on a 30 k run. Was dying for a drink. Saw a church and decided to look for a garden hose or something. There were tomato bushes - so I sucked on juice of 2 tomatoes. Not proud..
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [justarunner] [ In reply to ]
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Slowtwitch, where no one drafts and everyone has bowel problems.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [turdburgler] [ In reply to ]
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20 years of managing ulcerative colitis... I'm past any form of pride in this area.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Some are born to move the world to live their fantasies...

http://www.mjolnircycles.com/
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [brider] [ In reply to ]
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I've left a lot of crap in the woods, but one time I ran across a frozen pond (skating rink) and made it to the washroom. Good thing I brought my microspikes!
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [bmullin] [ In reply to ]
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bmullin wrote:
Looks like you maybe shouldn't make a regular habit of doing it where you work...

http://www.nj.com/...eved_himself_un.html

He doesn't work in the Holmdel school district at whose HS track he did his business; the article isn't clear about that. He's the superintendent in another district, and lives in a town next to Holmdel.

I'm in the Holmdel school district; daughter attends Holmdel HS.

Guy has issues.

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"i disagree with your analysis [or judgment], nevertheless you have the responsibility of moderating this board so i honor your authority to make the moderating decisions."
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Post deleted by windschatten [ In reply to ]
Re: I just shit my pants mid run [windschatten] [ In reply to ]
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windschatten wrote:
klehner wrote:
bmullin wrote:
Looks like you maybe shouldn't make a regular habit of doing it where you work...

http://www.nj.com/...eved_himself_un.html


He doesn't work in the Holmdel school district at whose HS track he did his business; the article isn't clear about that. He's the superintendent in another district, and lives in a town next to Holmdel.

I'm in the Holmdel school district; daughter attends Holmdel HS.

Guy has issues.


Yeah, he has issues with the HS not unlocking their restrooms even though he had asked them to.

Some people are vindictive beyond imagination. LOL

Just image the money spent on poop patrol to "flush" this guy out.

Some reality is stranger than fiction.
.

Do they lock up the port-a-johns at the track, too?

What's your connection to this?

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"i disagree with your analysis [or judgment], nevertheless you have the responsibility of moderating this board so i honor your authority to make the moderating decisions."
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [ChrisT] [ In reply to ]
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I have to bring this post back to the top...because I did something I am not proud of.

Preface: Ok. So lets start this out by saying I do not eat dairy. Haven't for a good long time. I was also getting over a cold. So I was not feeling too well and a lady friend (just a friend) brought me a large chocolate shake from McDonalds. I inhaled it because it was delicious and since I dont eat sweet nor do I eat dairy - this was a really bad idea but it was magic.
So this was Monday early evening. I decided that it would be a splendid idea to get a run in because i was feeling better and my buddy said there was this super attractive girl he was friends with that wanted to meet me and she just moved into town. Naturally I suddenly felt 100% and was ready to go out for a fun evening. Keep in mind I also rarely drink. Basically picture the movie "perfect storm" and my stomach is the little boat feeling awesome with tons of fish in it and then life is the storm and it decides to wreck my world and end the lives of everyone on board.

Well. Here is the play by play. Went for a run around 8 o'clock. Had rested a while so legs felt great. Sugar high was happening. Clipped it way faster than I should have. At the end of the run I got that "Oh no my stomach is twirling around like a drunk ribbon dancer at the 96 Olympics" feeling. finished run. stomach felt slightly better. kept doing off and on gymnastics with itself. Decided to eat a few tums and grab a few bites of a left over chicken salad sandwhich (in hindsight - i made the worst decisions ever regarding my stomach). Ok I am good to go.

I pick my buddy up. Go to her place to grab her. Stomach hurts off and on still. It is a nice expensive place. I notice the bathroom is spotless. Absolutely spotless. We uber to a nice bar/restaurant so I'm wearing dress pants, dress shoes, the whole get up. I am going to fake it until I make it because I am normally a homeless hobo. She doesn't know that. I am smart. Definitely a genius.

I start drinking. A bit too much. mix of everything. wine. whiskey. beer. My inner self is telling me this is awesome. My stomach is telling me otherwise. It starts to feel better somehow though. I think I am in the clear. I keep drinking. Suddenly - I am drunk. What happened? Who cares. Everyone is drunk. Life is a party.

We uber back to her place. My buddy and her are actually definitely not "just friends". I am going to leave. This is lame. She wants me to stay. I am confused and think I am in a swinger movie. I really need to go to home.

Suddenly my stomach starts to REALLY hate life. Think volcano boiling magma pit. I go to use the restroom thinking maybe I am going to take a pee and fart and it is just gas. There is a mirror behind the toilet. I am pretty. look at my jaw line. I start to pee. I am going to let out a little fart. I cant trust them. Test the water. Little one out and I am good to go. So I decide to let it rip. Full monty. No more time to waste. I let it go....

OH NO! In the mirror there is terror in my eyes. I HAVE JUST MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. I feel it on my leg. I immediately drop the pants. sit down. All hell breaks loose. Dear God have mercy on my soul. I am painting the toilet bowl a plethora of colors. The smell. The smell is so bad. I am tearing up. Sweating almost. I cant reach the switch to turn the bathroom fan on. I am dying. basking in my own stench. I start to laugh because this Disney movie has turned into a horror film. It keeps coming. I don't have this much room in my body for what is coming out. minutes seem like hours. I am sweating like a pig surrounded by a pack of lions. wave after wave. until it finally ends. Ok. I need to just jump in the shower. I can't even wipe this shitstorm up. I cant do that. it would be weird and they would know. This is a small apartment so the smell will waft out soon. I need to go home. I look at what I had just done. Splashes all over the toilet seat, back of the toilet got painted, it looks like a f*cked up picasso painting from hell. I try my best to wipe. It is fruitless. I already have shi* in my pants from my fart. i say "f*ck it". I am too far in to care now. I just pull the work pants up. WAIT. They are travel work pants. Stain free and dont absord water. YES. Try my best to tidy up. That smell though. No air freshner. Dear God. I go to flush. It is not one of those airplane toilets with super sucking qualities. It is not even one of those "I am wasting water on every flush" toilets. It isnt even one of those "the water pressure might be low" toilets. it is one of those trickle i can blow water through a straw harder than this toilet flushes and takes forever to fill back up. I have filled this toilet with mud water, soup, unidentifiable chunks of solid particles and the toilet is just twirling it all around and taking out a little at a time. this cannot be happening. I look up into the mirror. My face is one of shame and disbelief. I flush 5 or 6 times with delays in between to try and get this all out. Ok wait - they can hear this. This is now suspicious. They definitely suspect something. Hopefully they are getting it on and I am of no concern. Maybe they forgot about me. yes they probably forgot about me. I want to be forgotten. I want to forget. I will never un-see what has just happened in this white tiled marble counter beautiful sanctuary that once was. I have desecrated a beautiful place of reflection. I hate myself.

I walk out. She is in her room doing something. I look at my buddy. he looks at me. I just walk out the front door. I did not call an uber. No time. I see my truck. it is right out front. i get in. Sit down. I can feel my wet ass in my wet pants and the smell is still in full force. I am sitting in my own shit. Oh know she might find me! I text my buddy. Told him i grabbed an uber home and he needs to find his own ride.

i am now sitting in my truck. In the wee hours of the morning. In shit pants. alone. sweating. I am in a hotbox of my own odor and shame. I destroyed that poor girls bathroom. I hit it and I ran. This is what my life has come to. 29 years and this is where I am at. I suddenly feel super ashamed. I decide to go home. i can't call an uber. I am covered in shit. I decide to walk. It is about 5 miles. I dont care. I will walk my shame ridden shit covered body home and contemplate my existence.

the next day i get a text from my buddy: "Bro - I don't think you are ever allowed over here again. You destroyed her bathroom. She is not happy. I am dying laughing though. That is funny. Well done".

She has not talked to me since and everytime I see her. she just gives me this look. A look that portrays "you are not even a man".



So it was the delayed build up run shits gone horribly wrong. I am not proud of this but deep inside, I do get a good laugh.
Last edited by: Twinkie: Jun 8, 18 7:18
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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Thank you.

Use this link to save $5 off your USAT membership renewal:
https://membership.usatriathlon.org/...A2-BAD7-6137B629D9B7
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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If she ever has a kid with your friend, look at her when the kid has a dirty diaper and say, "I prepped you for this moment"
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Gtjojo189] [ In reply to ]
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Gtjojo189 wrote:
If she ever has a kid with your friend, look at her when the kid has a dirty diaper and say, "I prepped you for this moment"

A dirty diaper and what i did to that beautiful well decorated classy room of reflection and comfort - are like comparing a small spill of applesauce to a cement mixer with holes in it that has gone rogue.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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Twinkie wrote:
She has not talked to me since and everytime I see her. she just gives me this look. A look that portrays "you are not even a man".

How often do you see her? Maybe, you should give her a gift card to Bed Bath & Beyond, or Lowes, or something? A handful of coupons for Febreeze?

Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [RandMart] [ In reply to ]
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RandMart wrote:
Twinkie wrote:
She has not talked to me since and everytime I see her. she just gives me this look. A look that portrays "you are not even a man".


How often do you see her? Maybe, you should give her a gift card to Bed Bath & Beyond, or Lowes, or something? A handful of coupons for Febreeze?

oh I should thank her for more than that. Imagine this scenario. We start getting all into it. Her comfy nice white comforter bed with 1000 thread count sheets. Smells of lavender and pheromones drifting through the air. When suddenly - out of nowhere - disaster strikes.

Glass half full mentality haha she may have sacrificed her bathroom but it was fate that led me there.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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You have an amazing way with words, I must say

Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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Last edited by: a typical Fred: Jun 8, 18 8:20
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [a typical Fred] [ In reply to ]
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a typical Fred wrote:

^ I just died hahahaha
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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You just ruined my breakfast. Laughing out loud, with a mouthful of cereal.

Thanks, really. You’ve given us pure gold; this is front page material!

Scott
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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Lol, the real-life Reuben Feffer?!...:D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddGwvveSXxM



P.S. I started reading, then closed the thread, then came back and read the responses and had to read it and was laughing out loud with other people around me wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
Last edited by: Super D: Jun 8, 18 9:27
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Super D] [ In reply to ]
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Super D wrote:
started reading, then closed the thread, then came back and read the responses and had to read it and was laughing out loud with other people around me wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

To be honest, when I got to this part ...

Twinkie wrote:
... my buddy said there was this super attractive girl he was friends with that wanted to meet me ...

Combined with the thread title, I KNEW it wasn't going to end well ... and I was NOT disappointed

Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Super D] [ In reply to ]
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Super D wrote:
Lol, the real-life Reuben Feffer?!...:D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddGwvveSXxM



P.S. I started reading, then closed the thread, then came back and read the responses and had to read it and was laughing out loud with other people around me wondering what the hell is wrong with me.


this..exactly this
Last edited by: Twinkie: Jun 8, 18 11:03
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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Solid work, man. Well, not completely solid.............

-E
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