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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [BryanD] [ In reply to ]
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FTW!
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Anton84] [ In reply to ]
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Yeah I ended up getting water then giving it to a homeless man outside who chugged it down and was so happy to get it. So the stop wasn't a total waste! But I do need to bring even just a dollar on longer runs. That way I can buy a donut, candy, or gum wherever I might need to stop. But, thankfully, it doesn't happy too often so I don't think to bring it all the time.

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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Anton84] [ In reply to ]
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Anton84 wrote:
jrielley wrote:
Tried to stop at dunkin donuts but only for paying customers.


That's why I HATE DD! No empathy to fellow human beings whatsoever.

I do carry some cash with me just for these cases. If the situation arises - just leave barista a $5 tip and use the facilities. If that happens often enough - people will start remembering you :)




If they deny you the bathroom you could always download your intestinal sculpture in the bushes in front of the store in retaliation LOL.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [afrizzledfry] [ In reply to ]
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I'm shocked that Paula Radcliffe's little... incident... during the 2005 London marathon (which she won!) hasn't come up in this thread. Shame on you all! Talk about having no where to hide... leading a big-city marathon with TV cameras and spectators everywhere.

(Video may not be safe for work, or when eating).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6I2-YP42rs

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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [PigBodine] [ In reply to ]
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PigBodine wrote:
I have never been part of such a miracle as you experienced, but I have actually willingly and happily used the 43rd street bathrooms on the Lakeshore path during a gastrointestinal catastrophe encountered in my first-ever 18 mile run.

The 43rd Street Lakeshore Drive bathrooms make the toilet in Trainspotting look like Mr. Clean's fridge. They are like an autopsy of an elephant made of turds. They are the tenth ring of Hell.

I never before, and never since, have been so happy to be alone as I was for that half hour I spent there.

I see your Lakeshore Drive and raise you a Prospect Park Porta-John, in full mid-day August sun. That's worth a whole lap of wretching. In retrospect I should have just taken the trip to Brown Town and called it a day.

But my best Code Brown happened in the pristine woods of New Hampshire, in the White Mountains. I was there on a backpacking trip that was part of med school orientation. It was the first day, and I was just getting to know my 9 new classmates. We stopped for lunch after a steep uphill climb into the Kinsmans, and as nature called, I excused myself to duck into the trees to answer discreetly.

Now, I'm an experienced backpacker, and shitting in the woods wasn't a problem for me. I did my normal thing. I dug a 8-inch deep hole in the topsoil near a small tree (this was in a dense grove of head-high pine trees), wrapped my hands around the tree, and leaned back for a comfortable squat. I did my business into the hole, and cleaned myself with some available pine branches (more pleasant than you'd guess if you go with the grain, and nicely scented). I was taking a last second to myself to enjoy the little patch of vista I'd cleverly arranged to have from my spot, when all of a sudden, something changed.

The tree I was gripping for balance with both hands suddenly jumped up out of the ground, roots and all. For a second, time stopped. I saw the root ball of the tree, now suspended in the air. Then, it was like I was outside my own body, and I saw myself hovering - my center of gravity way behind my feet - like Wiley Coyote off the edge of the cliff. And then I tumbled backwards. Into the hole. Into my hole. I landed in a soft warm pile of my own shit. Still holding that fucking tree.

When the dust settled, it was a Grade III Code Brown (ass, back, shirt). The shorts were (mercifully) spared. But the shirt was toast. I had a plastic bag for it, but no spare (short sleeved) shirt. It took me about 30 minutes to clean myself up. (Pine branches, hand sanitizer). By the time I returned they were about to start looking for me. But here I was - shirtless, covered in sweat and pine-needles, reeking of hand sanitizer, and holding a suspiciously tightly tied plastic bag.

"What happened to you?"

I realized there was no way I could spin this. I said, "Guys, I'm just going to be straight with you, because you seem cool and I can't come up with a convincing lie. The truth is, a bad thing happened, and I'm not really sure how or why, but the end result is that I fell into a pile of my own shit. All I can do is beg you not to tell everyone at school about this, because I don't want to be known as the guy who fell in his own shit on the first day of med school. Also, I need to borrow a shirt from somebody." [Waved plastic bag for emphasis.]

They were totally stunned. Nobody said anything. Eventually one guy gave me a spare T-shirt and said, "I'm just really glad it didn't happen to me."

Turns out they were cool about it, mostly because the story was just too gross to actually talk about. Also, another kid got giardiasis, so after two weeks he satisfied everyone's shit-talking needs. The moral of the story is: (1) If you're going to do the "lean back," choose a big tree, (2) pivot for the wipe. Be safe out there kids.

-Mud
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [BosMudPhud] [ In reply to ]
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Hahahahahahaha, dude that's terrible. My wife is asking what I am laughing at, "nothing dear" :-) I think this thread is jinxing me, on both my rides this weekend my stomach was making all kinds of sounds and feeling weird, I should have never read this thread.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [afrizzledfry] [ In reply to ]
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My story I typically save for when things start to get sad with a running partner on a very long trail run or the last few miles of an ugly fondo to lighten the mood.

The day after a grueling hot 50k trail race my legs felt like concrete, still full of junk from the day before. My plan was for an easy shake out jog, maybe just 2-3 miles in an out and back fashion. About half a mile out my front door there was a loud strange noise from my guts akin to a warm up session of Satan's own personal brass band. I figured it was just gas and kept going. From there things began to decline at an alarming pace. At the mile point I got the cold sweats and officially began to panic. Turned it right the hell around and tried to pick up the pace and get home fast. The pain got so intense after just a hundred yards I was slowed to a waddle trot. My watering eyes were frantically scanning my suburban neighborhood for a hiding place. It was perhaps 20 minutes before dark and my neighbors were doing their last minute things in front of their houses with their kids and pets. There was nowhere to hide to release the demons and I looked like a deranged rabid lunatic lurching down the street.

Knowing I was in a lot of trouble, I focused on maintaining my telltale waddle/trot/speedwalk form and finally my house was in sight. I opted to skip the driveway which is 75 yards past the start of my lawn and aimed my trajectory up the small hill in my front yard. I set a plan to drop trou about 5 yards before I hit the front walk as I figured my odds of being sighted were lower at that point and it was totally worth the gamble considering the appreciable discomfort I was sustaining. Half way up the pitch I realized that there was no way I was going to make it- game over. I clenched my cheeks in a futile last ditch effort, the effect of which was to simply decrease the diameter of the output area and increase the trajectory of discharge. The liner of my running shorts was at max capacity in a fraction of a second and as I burst into my front door it was running down my thighs and well on it's way to my socks. I ran straight into the bathroom and what was on me was immediately somehow on the floor, toilet, sink, walls and any other surface within 5-6 feet. My wife meanwhile was terrified and shouting from another room, I could clearly hear her from the dark place I was at the bottom of. She apparently thought due to my violent entry into our front door and all of the noise that I was a home intruder. When she realized it was me and caught a whiff of the smell and commotion in the bathroom she only laughed at me and left me to my mess and shame.

So yes, you are not a real runner until you have crapped yourself.
>hobby runner

"It never gets easier, you just go faster."
-Greg LeMond

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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [BosMudPhud] [ In reply to ]
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If you're going to do the "lean back," choose a big tree


This happened to a guy I was in the service with, chose a sapling and was also on a slope so of course when the thing snapped he tumbled backwards downhill with his pants still around his ankles.



"You can never win or lose if you don't run the race." - Richard Butler

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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Jamie] [ In reply to ]
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Jamie wrote:

If they deny you the bathroom you could always download your intestinal sculpture in the bushes in front of the store in retaliation LOL.

One of my buddies was out on Bourbon St when he had to go really badly. He went into the closest store and asked about bathroom. No, for paying customers only. So he whips out a $20, offers it to them and urgently says, NOW where's the bathroom. She still wouldn't allow it. So he took two steps backward, looked her straight in the eye, and said "well...OK................."

I read this entire thread. Is this that common of a malady? Am I just somehow lucky? I have never had any problems with these issues. I can't imagine even sticking with training if I knew this would be a semi-regular occurrence.

(full disclosure - I have run a couple 100's, and these horror stories I have previously read were the reasoning for me to carry immodium tablets with me during those races. Fortunately, I have never needed them)
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [TeamBarenaked] [ In reply to ]
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I've had this happen a couple of times through the years. The worst was in college, the day after Thanksgiving. I went for a 10 mile run. I got about 6 miles into the run and noticed my intestines weren't happy. The problem was I was in the middle of farm fields with nothing growing in them. I had about 3 miles to go to the nearest gas station. I didn't want to go knocking on some local house asking to use their bathroom. Besides it was Black Friday, so everyone would be out shopping. Thankfully, I was passing by the local airport (think prop planes). Luckily, the flight office was open and the woman there was nice enough to let me use the restroom.

The other bad time in college was literally starting to crap my pants a mile from campus. Nothing was falling out, but new it was going to be close. Went into the closest dorm, had one of my must satisfying craps ever, threw my underwear away in the bathroom, then went commando back to my dorm to shower.

"Most of my heroes don't appear on no stamps"
Blog = http://extrememomentum.com|Photos = http://wheelgoodphotos.com
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [allenpg] [ In reply to ]
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Just had to chime in. 16 mile run where the first loop is 12 miles then out another 4 mile loop. My car and the toilet are parked at mile 12. The huge bowl of Pho noodles seemed like a good idea the night before.
The gurgle hit at mile 10. Didn't make it to 11. I ran over the rock hillside as I spotted a tree only to find a neighborhood next to that tree. And it was yards away from the trail entrance. Too late. I had to go. I realized that if a family walks by I am basically busted for indecent exposure and forever having to say "I have to warn you by law...."
Oh but I don't stop there. All pooped filled shorts due to no wipes I forged on. Did I stop at the bathroom? Hell no because I wouldn't stop durning a race. I finished the 4 mile loop with shitty shorts. The rash was agony. The shower was worse. I saw God
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [trytri3] [ In reply to ]
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I don't know if anyone has mentioned it yet, but Uta Pippig had several bowel problems (including diarrhea) during the 1996 Boston Marathon. That's impressive, since she still won. I could imagine her trying to wash herself as much as possible with water cups after the race...:)

"Most of my heroes don't appear on no stamps"
Blog = http://extrememomentum.com|Photos = http://wheelgoodphotos.com
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [afrizzledfry] [ In reply to ]
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In the spirit of the 6 watts/kg thread I wonder if dumps can be measured this way? If so I guesstimate the dump I just downloaded at the pool was approaching 8 watts/kg. I looked back to appreciate and the commercial commode was even choking on it. #proudpapa
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [BryanD] [ In reply to ]
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In my opinion, that was not only the funniest post I have ever read here on ST, which brought me to tears laughing so hard, it may just have been the most well written post ever on ST. Seriously, thank you, I really needed a good laugh. Plus, I've harmed nature in a similar manner, but nowhere near as awesome as a story that goes along with it.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [phog] [ In reply to ]
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you so did it...;)
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [darkhorsetri] [ In reply to ]
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darkhorsetri wrote:
afrizzledfry wrote:
Tell me an embarrassing training/racing story so I feel like less of a freak. Oh, and have a great day!




Upside is that I felt great once that was over with and had finished on the AG podium at Kona. Down side is that I passed out and shit myself and was ordered to head back to the condo early.

"And the Gambler, he broke even . . . "

_____________________________________
What are you people, on dope?

—Mr. Hand
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [BryanD] [ In reply to ]
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BryanD wrote:
I remember the day this happened to me. I will never forget it.

I had eaten Mexican food before my run. /quote]

YOBAGOYAH!!

8.5/10

_____________________________________
What are you people, on dope?

—Mr. Hand
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [patsullivan6630] [ In reply to ]
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patsullivan6630 wrote:
I am literally stunned into silence by this thread.

I feel this thread has brought back the "good ole days" of Slowtwitch back. Thank you. Hilarious.


________________
Adrian in Vancouver
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [BryanD] [ In reply to ]
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Just a guess, but I think your best option would have been the lake. That's one helluva story. I can't believe those people let you unleash in their bathroom.


________________
Adrian in Vancouver
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Marlonius] [ In reply to ]
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Marlonius wrote:

Mrs. Marlonius: How was your run?
Me: Don't ask.
Her: Did you have to shit in the bushes again?

ok, I finally laughed aloud.

ref. " . . . . fell off the jetway again . . . "

_____________________________________
What are you people, on dope?

—Mr. Hand
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [AJHull] [ In reply to ]
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People of Slowtwitch,

I have shit my pants again recently. This was about 2 months ago. This time, it was almost just as epic.

Here's what happened. My girlfriend had some leftover pasta with shrimp in it. I pulled it out of the fridge and covered it in cheese.

I waited about 30-45 minutes before starting my 8 mile run. I felt good, was ready to run, got all my gear ready and headed out the door. Nothing happened until about mile 3. The first 3 miles, I felt great! I've been battling my Achilles since May and finally I was having a decent run. That's when the farts started. I don't know about you, but I think it's fun to fart when running. I feel like I get a turbo boost out of it. It was casual farts at first. Just a few small ones here and there followed by a big long one. I think I gained 30 secs per mile after that one. People were nearby walking but I didn't care because damnit, I needed to run faster.

I round the turn for 3 miles and head down a long stretch of road. This road is 2 lanes, turn lane, 2 lanes. I live near the university I went too and there is traffic everywhere not to mention college people running around, especially women.

I'm heading down the road and then my stomach gets bloated and I start having to fart like crazy. I think "oh no, here we go again". I'm now running down the road hunched over because of all the stomach pain I'm having. My stomach is going "TIME TO SHIT ASSHOLE". I see a cutoff to a trail before I get to a creek crossing. I'm frantically looking for a place to drop my shorts and do the doo.

Then, this middle aged man comes running by. The brush is so high I can't help but think a snake is going to bite my ass. I'm hunched over farting and looking like a crazy man. I see two young college age girls on the trail. I can't shit right here. Not in front of these people.

Then, I look at the creek and I see that it's my only way out. My butthole is slipping. This turd train is ready to leave the depot. The creek is about 5 feet below the bank. People can see down in the creek from the sidewalk as well as driving by. I run and jump and land in the middle of the creek in the rocky area.

I jump over the creek and stand against the river bank. I listen for people to come by. The middle aged man is back running along the trail again. I wait till he leaves and unleash hell on that riverbank. It was such a nasty shit. I'm talking explosive pasta diarrhea everywhere. It smelled bad. I pull my shorts up just as these two asian guys come walking by looking at me kind of funny like "why is this random guy in the creek?". I wave and they go on. Then, my stomach said it's time for round 2. I'm just about to jump back over the creek and I had to go again. I lean against the riverbank and shit everywhere again. This time, I look back to see what I had accomplished. Oh man, I had shit all over the bank, all over my shorts, some was on my shoe, and there were flies everywhere now.

I cleaned off my shoe, used my waterbottle to squirt water at my butthole and clean it off, and squirted water all over my shorts. Then, I found out I had shit on my handheld waterbottle. I cleaned it off in the creek. After solving this problem, I'm now stuck in a creek bed, flies everwhere, shit all over me, and no way out. I run and jump over the creek onto the bank. I climb up over the bank and the old man is looking at me like "why were you in the creek?" I look down at my shirt and I have shit on my shirt. How did I get shit on my shirt? I quickly spray what's left of my water bottle on my shirt and legs to clean everything off.

I was at mile 4 when all of this happened. I ran 4 more miles because I needed to get this long run done. I made sure to avoid people on the sidewalk because I didn't want them to smell me. I went home and threw my water bottle away. There was no way I could possibly drink out of that again.

After the longest shower of my life, I went to my local tri shop. They asked me how my day was going. I burst out laughing and told them I just shit my pants on a long run, shit all over my shorts and shirt, as well as my water bottle. I needed to get a new bottle.

They laughed, I bought a new bottle, and I went on with my day.

For some reason, I'm pretty sure I will be back on here again with another I shit my pants story.

Make Inside Out Sports your next online tri shop! http://www.insideoutsports.com/
Last edited by: BryanD: Oct 9, 15 21:27
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [BryanD] [ In reply to ]
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Brilliant.

Well-written...again!

My local running store would give me a free goddamn water bottle for a story like that.

Eliot
blog thing - strava thing
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [renorider] [ In reply to ]
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hahaha....well it was the Nathan handheld bottle that is around $20. I guess we can call it the shit-tax?

Make Inside Out Sports your next online tri shop! http://www.insideoutsports.com/
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Anton84] [ In reply to ]
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A crap in the bushes using leaves to wipe is a regular occurrence with me. Been spotted a few times, but I'm passed caring. However I did once take a crap in the the manicured gardens of some monument or other. Got away with it though.

Last week I crapped in a storm drain and as it had been a pretty stormy night, there were plenty of large leaves on the path to use. I used about 5 and all were good except for the one where I used the underside which contained thousands of prick-like hairs. That hurt.
Last edited by: Jigsy: Oct 12, 15 5:06
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Jigsy] [ In reply to ]
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You've not lived until you've shat yourself in running tights, with no where to duck for cover. Happened to me on an overpass of a 6 lane expressway, it hit me about half way across and there was no stopping. Although in retrospect it was strangely liberating.

--------------------------
Runners Roost Race Team
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