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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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That was a fucking novel. And I loved it. I'm waiting for part II. Seriously hilarious I was hoping there was more!
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [renorider] [ In reply to ]
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renorider wrote:
twain wrote:

And:
- Socks can be used as toilet paper


FWIW, he stated no socks

From now on, he will be bringing sox ... he might not wear them, butt he'll have them

Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [ripple] [ In reply to ]
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ripple wrote:
That was a fucking novel. And I loved it. I'm waiting for part II. Seriously hilarious I was hoping there was more!

Well actually haha it got a little more interesting. So I showed her this post..which..in hindsight was probably not a good idea haha so she sends a text to her brother...who I have not met yet...who is the protective older brother...and tells him to read this.

but next time something rolls around where I disgrace my family name in public - I will absolutely post it here haha but not much can top that little fateful experience
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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Not Triatlon related, alpine related.

Third rope lenght we had a hard section. Well they say: The color of adreline is brown. We where standing on a very small ledge when nature was calling for my sportpartner. The ledge was so small we had no room other to lean again eachother. That day we shared a bit more then we wanted.... note: It's kind of hard to take a shit while in a harnass, being exposed at +/- 120M up the wall. I felt hem even push.....uggg.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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Pure poetry.

Let us know how it goes with the girl
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [brider] [ In reply to ]
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brider wrote:
20 years of managing ulcerative colitis... I'm past any form of pride in this area.

Crohn’s colitis here. I’m also the OPer. Still...it’s nice to know that even non-IBD folks have these issues. Normalizes it a bit.

I have an odd sense of pride in having created this thread. It really has taken on a life of its own. I don’t have kids, but it feels like watching your child grow up. Or something.

______________________________________
http://instagram.com/protrusiotom#
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [afrizzledfry] [ In reply to ]
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afrizzledfry wrote:
brider wrote:
20 years of managing ulcerative colitis... I'm past any form of pride in this area.

Crohn’s colitis here. I’m also the OPer. Still...it’s nice to know that even non-IBD folks have these issues. Normalizes it a bit.

I have an odd sense of pride in having created this thread. It really has taken on a life of its own. I don’t have kids, but it feels like watching your child grow up. Or something.

I can see that. I have a human child and I think I will know that he is all grown up when he tells me that he shit himself on his run.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [chriskal] [ In reply to ]
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chriskal wrote:
afrizzledfry wrote:
brider wrote:
20 years of managing ulcerative colitis... I'm past any form of pride in this area.

Crohn’s colitis here. I’m also the OPer. Still...it’s nice to know that even non-IBD folks have these issues. Normalizes it a bit.

I have an odd sense of pride in having created this thread. It really has taken on a life of its own. I don’t have kids, but it feels like watching your child grow up. Or something.

I can see that. I have a human child and I think I will know that he is all grown up when he tells me that he shit himself on his run.

Hahahaha!

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Some are born to move the world to live their fantasies...

http://www.mjolnircycles.com/
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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Twinkie wrote:
ripple wrote:
That was a fucking novel. And I loved it. I'm waiting for part II. Seriously hilarious I was hoping there was more!


Well actually haha it got a little more interesting. So I showed her this post..which..in hindsight was probably not a good idea haha so she sends a text to her brother...who I have not met yet...who is the protective older brother...and tells him to read this.

but next time something rolls around where I disgrace my family name in public - I will absolutely post it here haha but not much can top that little fateful experience
Depending on how things work out with her, disgracing your name, may also disgrace hers, so be prudent

Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [velox canis] [ In reply to ]
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velox canis wrote:
Pure poetry.

Let us know how it goes with the girl

He can get away with anything, anytime for the rest of his life

He could be on a business trip, and she ask "Where were you?" while he was banging three hookers with a giraffe holding a camera, and he can say "Meeting went late"
"You're lying"
"Why would I lie? I told you the whole story about shitting in the park, why would I lie about a meeting going late?"

YMMV

Quid Pro Cuervo
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [RandMart] [ In reply to ]
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First off...

To the original OP of this thread - we should all give a standing round of applause. This thread has provided many laughs, giggles, and accidental farts from the pressures in the bowels from pure laughter. I know I have ripped a few. This thread has given us something to snicker at that most of our girlfriends/wives think is "childish" and "disgusting". So this applause goes to your, Mr.OP poster, for making our lives that much more enjoyable as we sit in our cubicles contemplating existence.

As for Randmart - 3 hookers? mate, 2 would be more than enough. Also, it would be a yacht. I would name it "Business"..that way my secretary can lie through her teeth for me and say "he is out on Business". Yes. I have thought about all of this.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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@Twinkie , your stories here are the best! As someone said, they might as well close this thread 'cos I doubt any other tale could come even close to how hilarious yours are. And chapeau to your writing skills, you're a true bard!
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [afrizzledfry] [ In reply to ]
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Responding to OP since there is no general reply. . .

anymore 'shit your pants' stories as of lately??? Its getting pretty boring.

Use this link to save $5 off your USAT membership renewal:
https://membership.usatriathlon.org/...A2-BAD7-6137B629D9B7
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [velox canis] [ In reply to ]
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velox canis wrote:
Pure poetry.

Let us know how it goes with the girl


Uhm well - I can give an update on the girl. There is no more girl haha it has nothing to do with being a "shitty" person and it didnt go to the "shit" either. I just wanted to live in a van as a 30 year old working professional who makes good money and apparently that isnt what mature responsible adults do. So that ended.

AS much as another shit my pants story. My bowels have been doing well lately. Although we had a work lunch today and it was a buffet of Indian food, Mexican food, and Chinese food. I have a run after work. So it is anyone's game how this will turn out.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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Twinkie wrote:
velox canis wrote:
Pure poetry.

Let us know how it goes with the girl



Uhm well - I can give an update on the girl. There is no more girl haha it has nothing to do with being a "shitty" person and it didnt go to the "shit" either. I just wanted to live in a van as a 30 year old working professional who makes good money and apparently that isnt what mature responsible adults do. So that ended.

AS much as another shit my pants story. My bowels have been doing well lately. Although we had a work lunch today and it was a buffet of Indian food, Mexican food, and Chinese food. I have a run after work. So it is anyone's game how this will turn out.
Not everyone is mature responsible adult material and there's nothing wrong with that. Stash bank and live the bon vivant lifestyle of a pseudo-pro athlete in your 40's. I say well done.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [ripple] [ In reply to ]
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ripple wrote:
Twinkie wrote:
velox canis wrote:
Pure poetry.

Let us know how it goes with the girl



Uhm well - I can give an update on the girl. There is no more girl haha it has nothing to do with being a "shitty" person and it didnt go to the "shit" either. I just wanted to live in a van as a 30 year old working professional who makes good money and apparently that isnt what mature responsible adults do. So that ended.

AS much as another shit my pants story. My bowels have been doing well lately. Although we had a work lunch today and it was a buffet of Indian food, Mexican food, and Chinese food. I have a run after work. So it is anyone's game how this will turn out.

Not everyone is mature responsible adult material and there's nothing wrong with that. Stash bank and live the bon vivant lifestyle of a pseudo-pro athlete in your 40's. I say well done.



^ that was my argument! I presented that exact case.
1) I am not a mature adult
2) I will save a TON of money
3) I still have a well paying job
4) I can live the "dirtbag lifestyle"
5) It has a shower, toilet, kitchen - basically an RV


I shouldn't have led with number one - but - either way. It didn't work.
Last edited by: Twinkie: Dec 14, 18 11:22
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [RafaelMB] [ In reply to ]
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thank you so much for the „lips holding the cigar“ part. i’m still laughing with tears rolling down from my eyes. omg. i even had to stop writing this for a few times because i started laughing again so hard. that really made my day. 😂

then someone will say, what is lost can never be saved.
despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage.
- smashing pumpkins: "bullet with butterfly wings"
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [afrizzledfry] [ In reply to ]
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I haven't shit myself mid run but I have needed a crap and jumped into a bush, taking my shorts off as I knew it wasn't going to be firm.

Once I'd 'finished' I looked around for something to 'wipe' with only to realise that my 'escape' route was being covered by a father and his daughter feeding some cows and there was me in a bush with no shorts on watching a father and daught in the countryside - awkward!

Luckly they moved on after 5 minutes or so but it was a worrying moment - I could just see the police report and my career going down the tube as I'm a teacher!
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [RandMart] [ In reply to ]
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RandMart wrote:
velox canis wrote:
Pure poetry.

Let us know how it goes with the girl

He can get away with anything, anytime for the rest of his life

He could be on a business trip, and she ask "Where were you?" while he was banging three hookers with a giraffe holding a camera, and he can say "Meeting went late"
"You're lying"
"Why would I lie? I told you the whole story about shitting in the park, why would I lie about a meeting going late?"

YMMV

That is beyond hilarious. However with the giraffe in play, am I safe to assume that there are hookers at zoos? Asking for a friend.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [greenlawnracing] [ In reply to ]
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greenlawnracing wrote:
RandMart wrote:
velox canis wrote:
Pure poetry.

Let us know how it goes with the girl


He can get away with anything, anytime for the rest of his life

He could be on a business trip, and she ask "Where were you?" while he was banging three hookers with a giraffe holding a camera, and he can say "Meeting went late"
"You're lying"
"Why would I lie? I told you the whole story about shitting in the park, why would I lie about a meeting going late?"

YMMV


That is beyond hilarious. However with the giraffe in play, am I safe to assume that there are hookers at zoos? Asking for a friend.

Mate - Zoo, shopping isle at the grocery, after work christmas parties, friends of ex girlfriends....it depends who you label as one and how closely you look and how much of a risk you are willing to take to find out.

Answering of course, based off a friends experiences.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Twinkie] [ In reply to ]
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Home at my parents for Christmas in So Cal...we decided that we were going to stick to our training plan and get our runs in over the period. Same run as yesterday and around the same time. Thank the lord this subdivision abuts the foothills. Legs are kind mashed from yesterday because this route has 300 ft of climbing over 2.5 miles up...from flat Fonix that's a lot...I think my daily runs in Phoenix have 30 feet of climbing?

So I'm jogging along, there's a stop sign that has marked the two mile mark of this route for me...since like ever. About .25 mile away I feel it...holding it, see a car parked...looking for the person it belongs to before I hope over the abatement to drop trou out of site...ah, 100m past the stop sign I see her and her dog, continue running 200m and she's turned the corner...I've turned a corner...ah victory I'm able to find relief.

Rugby Media Dude-earfulofdirt.com

Hooker training for the Sport of Scrum-Halves [Triathlon]
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [ In reply to ]
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Long- time reader of this thread, but never had reason to contribute. Until today.

Raced a 70.3 last Sunday, so enjoying three days off before going back to work. Rest day Monday, 60-min ride yesterday, and had in mind a quick 5km run today.

Up early to get kids to school, back to my routine of All-Bran for breakfast - usually 3-4 mornings a week to keep me regular. Anyhow, had a lazy morning, but felt good to get the run before lunch.

Some early rumblings, but was only going to be 25mins, so felt I'd be able to push through. However, then followed a series of catastrophic decisions that led to my downfall. After about 3.8km, I actually run back past my house as well as some public toilets, but as I still felt okay I chose not to use them.

After passing my house there is a short loop that I can do - I had originally decided to do a couple of these to get to 5km as it would always keep me within 0.3km the public toilets. But halfway through the loop, instead of turning back, I decided to push on, but this would take me over 1km from the public toilets. I turned for the last time, and had just 1km to go, but the bowels started to loosen.

I pushed on thinking I would survive, but with 0.75km to go, I realized that I wasn't going to make it and I saw a side road up ahead, where I could squat and release. But 100m before the side road, all hell broke loose. I was wearing tri-shorts and they were instantly filled up and overflowing down my legs. There was a lot of it - bran-filled, which increased the volume and the viscosity. A couple of cars passed me - I didn't look to see whether they noticed.

I made it to the side road and cleaned up as best I could, but without flowing water, it was futile. I had 0.5km to go, so I pulled up my still-soiled shorts and performed a 'sprint of shame'. I passed a bus stop with 2 people, but crossed the street and didn't look back. Then I passed an outdoor restaurant, which although I gave a wide berth to, I'm sure the smell lingered. I dived into my front yard, closed the gates, stripped off and hosed myself down, half-naked.

My wife was home but hadn't noticed what I was doing in the garden. Fortunately I had left the front door on the latch, so I sneaked in and headed to the shower before she noticed. My hosed-down shoes, socks and shorts are still in the garden, and I know that I have to handle those before I can put this sordid episode behind me.

I now see it as a bunch of missed opportunities to do the right thing. I am also certain that I would prefer squatting behind a bush and having a slightly sore arse, than going through that again.
Last edited by: Jigsy: Feb 27, 19 22:10
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Jigsy] [ In reply to ]
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Just leave 'em on the laundry room floor until she says something.

Eliot
blog thing - strava thing
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [TAC] [ In reply to ]
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I read this thread earlier today and then went for my normal lunch swim. I was doing intervals and had one of those nasty acidic type burps, but thankfully nothing came up. Made me curious if anyone had pool stories.

To be honest, I did not check to see if there was a separate thread for that topic.
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Re: I just shit my pants mid run [Vaulter] [ In reply to ]
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There are some people on the earlier pages who shit in their wetsuits and the stories are fucking hilarious.

Use this link to save $5 off your USAT membership renewal:
https://membership.usatriathlon.org/...A2-BAD7-6137B629D9B7
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