On the bright side, there's wifi at the Pearly Gates, so I won't be bored while I wait for my COVID-19 test to come back. St. Peter says it's an 8hr process, so I have some time to kill. Get it? If my test comes back negative, I'll get to pass through the gates and head to the "Didn't Work on His Stretching Wing" of the Cycling Annex. If positive, I'll have to do a two-week quarantine outside... they're really strict about out-of-state travel here. By the way, St. Peter also says COVID-19 is NOT a sign from God... He's just as baffled as we are!
It sucks dying. Sure, family will be sad and kids will be traumatized and miss me and blah blah blah but the REAL kicker is all that wasted training! Like, all that training for NOTHING. I was getting pretty fit during this Coronavirus lockdown thing and was REALLY looking forward to showing everyone how fast I got. Medal Monday!!! I keep thinking of all that time I wasted doing something I don't even really like and could barely get motivated to do. I could have been wasting that time and ignoring my family doing something I actually *liked*, like watch a sports team.
Another thing that sucks about dying is the selfies. Like, I had a TON of good photos of myself from the ride today, but since I exploded and died I didn't get a chance to upload them. I'm sure they would have gotten TONS of likes and clicks on my socials. Trust me, there's a perfectly good explanation for why I took my cycling top off and was flexing my abs on my ride, that's for sure. I was really looking forward to using some filters and bumping my story to the top.
Oh wow, Jesus just came by, all in a huff. Everyone up here is SUPER bummed about Kona moving to February, but Jesus is indignant. Something about dying for people's sins and they can't even be bothered to train thru the winter for a race in tropical paradise or some such. St. Peter says he's always ranting about something.
OK, gotta go! They're going to call my number soon and St. Peter is trying to show me a picture of my TT position on his iPad with a bunch of lines and angles on it to illustrate where I went wrong. Heavenly technology is amazing!
E
Eric Reid AeroFit | Instagram Portfolio
Aerodynamic Retul Bike Fitting
“You are experiencing the criminal coverup of a foreign backed fascist hostile takeover of a mafia shakedown of an authoritarian religious slow motion coup. Persuade people to vote for Democracy.”
It sucks dying. Sure, family will be sad and kids will be traumatized and miss me and blah blah blah but the REAL kicker is all that wasted training! Like, all that training for NOTHING. I was getting pretty fit during this Coronavirus lockdown thing and was REALLY looking forward to showing everyone how fast I got. Medal Monday!!! I keep thinking of all that time I wasted doing something I don't even really like and could barely get motivated to do. I could have been wasting that time and ignoring my family doing something I actually *liked*, like watch a sports team.
Another thing that sucks about dying is the selfies. Like, I had a TON of good photos of myself from the ride today, but since I exploded and died I didn't get a chance to upload them. I'm sure they would have gotten TONS of likes and clicks on my socials. Trust me, there's a perfectly good explanation for why I took my cycling top off and was flexing my abs on my ride, that's for sure. I was really looking forward to using some filters and bumping my story to the top.
Oh wow, Jesus just came by, all in a huff. Everyone up here is SUPER bummed about Kona moving to February, but Jesus is indignant. Something about dying for people's sins and they can't even be bothered to train thru the winter for a race in tropical paradise or some such. St. Peter says he's always ranting about something.
OK, gotta go! They're going to call my number soon and St. Peter is trying to show me a picture of my TT position on his iPad with a bunch of lines and angles on it to illustrate where I went wrong. Heavenly technology is amazing!
E
Eric Reid AeroFit | Instagram Portfolio
Aerodynamic Retul Bike Fitting
“You are experiencing the criminal coverup of a foreign backed fascist hostile takeover of a mafia shakedown of an authoritarian religious slow motion coup. Persuade people to vote for Democracy.”