As you have no doubt observed, there are two lines of thought in answering this question, which shows up rather commonly here and in other circles. First, those which, by saying, "I don't want to give up any of my things", "it's either the whole package or nothing", etc, implicitly acknowledge our generation has become extremely egocentric. As endurance sport junkies we can be particularly more so, as the commitment to regular training easily leads workouts and races to outshine other, more mundane activities. There's an implicit notion that if you want your training to succeed, you have to sacrifice other undertakings. Opposing this line of thought, you'll hear those shouting "Balance!", claiming that a fulfilling life with a significant other can only be reached when you give up (part of) your own aspirations.
I'll call bullshit on both sides.
Consider this issue from two different perspectives (a sort of
reductio ad absurdum argument): in one, you're the new Sagan or Wiggo; in the other, unable to ride for more than 5 miles, you'll never make it past Cat 5. For the first case, society would be quick to recommend you ditch your girlfriend and focus on your great talent, whereas, for the second, the advice would easily be to forget the whole bike thing and give your real life some attention. Yet, even in those two extreme situations, I hold both advices to be extremely narrow-minded. Maybe in spite of your potential to win the next 8 Tours in a row, you still want someone to go back home to, or, maybe, you find fulfilment in the pursuit of goals incomprehensible to others. You have one sole obligation to yourself. Whether you choose to fulfill it by having a meaningful relationship to someone, by having lactate burst out of your ears, or by any combination of the above (or whatever else floats your boat, really!) - it's your choice, and yours alone.
joey8legs wrote:
I came in to the relationship a lot less serious about cycling than I am now. Over the last 3 years my addiction has gotten worse.
Is it really an addiction? Or have you rather found a new meaning for your life? I don't know you - how old you are, where in life you're situated, or what your long-term goals were or are - but, some ten years ago, as I considered giving bike racing my first serious shot, my love for the sport was diagnosed as an addiction, and I ended up following all those who gave me the sound advice to concentrate on my studies, career and relationships, keeping cycling as a healthy diversion on the side. A few years down the line, I had but a lacklustre interest in racing, and even gave up riding altogether after being run over by a car in a training accident. For a while, I managed to live a normal life. Finished my studies, found other hobbies, started a new relationship, but it slowly came back to me, as a void burning me from the inside. I rode a bit here and there, signed up for a crit, met old riding buddies. Tried to figure how could I squeeze one hour of riding, then two - I was hooked again. My girlfriend at the time, at first very supportive of this new-found interest, started having issues as my time was being increasingly dedicated to a rather insane sportive pursuit. I wanted to plan my vacations around training camps and stage races, romantic weekend getaways had to make way to four-hour training rides in the mountains. Now, I
really liked that girl - but there was a side of me missing when we started, and it became increasingly hard to cope with as the wheels fought to regain their space. We broke up about half a year later, not without a number of monthly, then weekly quarrels much like you've described. I went on to restructure my life around cycling, including moving to a different continent in search of better racing, and reconsidering my professional career to allow me to stay closer to my passion. At the same time, this commitment hasn't prevented me from developing a relationship with a loving runner-turned-triathlete, with whom I couldn't be happier. Now, it may be a coincidence that she is also an endurance athlete - she could as well be a dedicated artist, or a skydiver - the central issue being someone who shares a common point-of-view, in particular on such an important subject as what the priorities in life should be.
Good luck whichever way you may go.
Yours in arms,
Ricardo Wickert | Team Magnesium Pur - Germany | My sporadically updated blog: The Thin Grad Line | My team-issued TT bike: Trek Speed Concept 9
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