Buy a can of temporary yellow spray paint and paint road lines down the middle of a small section. Then mark slow on the right side and fast on the left side of each lane. A small sign or two along the trail might get you the passive agrgessive asshole fix you've been craving.

This sounds like a lot of effort. I want maximum assholery with minimal work

I know you said no bell...but
https://www.rockbrosusa.com/...t-page/copper-bell-1

I use this one. It is pretty loud; is pretty cheap; and absolutely gets the job done. Most people that say anything say 'thank you' and the ones that are usually taking up more than their fair share of the path sometimes give a scowl, but a simple smile and another bell ring and I am past them.
Hope this helps, and good luck.

Stephen J

Oh yea, one quick note, when assembling, make sure to lube the gasket and the spring...very important.

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I believe my local reality has been violated.
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Happiness = Results / (Expectations)^2

What about not being an asshole to people who have as much right to use the path as you do?

How fun would it be to ride on the road with cars with boat/truck/loud horns and the like?

This product seems like it would champion your inner douche!

https://www.hammacher.com/...loudest-bicycle-horn

This moves them right over.

https://www.amazon.com/...mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8

The product description on this is priceless.

https://www.amazon.com/...ing-goods&sr=1-3

From a review:

"Very loud and will get the attention of anyone in the horn mode. However the chirp mode will cause serious hearing damage at close range or indoors"

Sounds like just the thing he's looking for.

Another review:

"Outstanding!! My wife hates it. I ride back roads alone , but I'm sure I'll be able to scare the pediddlins out of someone. I look forward to that. S--- stained spandex for someone, I'm sure. Can I be sued for that? Typical h-s high quality."

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Ed O'Malley
www.VeloVetta.com
Founder of VeloVetta Cycling Shoes
Instagram • Facebook

Buy a can of permanent yellow spray paint and spray it on anyone who offends you.

Since you are already full of gas then use your lungs, and your words, and politely ask people to move aside. Cheap and effective.

Just fire up a chain saw. Plenty loud. Recognizable sound. And more useful as a self-defense tool in case you need it. Further bonus is that you can attach it to your rings/ cogs to cheat on strava segments.

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Take a short break from ST and read my blog:
http://tri-banter.blogspot.com/

I want to be an asshole, not incarcerated

This has potential. A solid weight penalty but I like the aero profile

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88Ti7xcdt6o

This was literally a laugh out loud thread - thanks! And I sympathize. Gets tiring yelling, "on your left!" every minute. Some good suggestions here :)

At the risk of sounding like one myself, you may already be approaching the mark by being intentionally and unnecessarily antagonistic toward other trail users.

"Multi-use trail" means exactly that - that the trail is there for the use of multiple users. That includes dog walkers, rollerbladers, senior citizens with walkers, families pushing baby carriages, toddlers on push bikes, skateboarders, e-scooter users, bird watchers, muscle flexers, drunk hobos, recumbents, squirrels, seagulls, lost cats,and so much more.

So, cyclists, being a "vehical," and typically the fastest moving object on the path, own the responsibility of ensuring that *they* avoid slower obstacles. And if they find that too frustrating, then they should really find somewhere else to ride, rather than risking causing injury to others and spewing rage because "idiots" are interfering with their right to get their heart rate up.

I live this scenario multiple times a day. I live on the waterfront, where some days it seems half the city is out using it and COVID has only creating more intensification and experience first hand the aggression "fitness users," and cyclists in particular, throw at other users.

I also have had the experience this year of going from being one of those obese, hobbling, slow walkers, to cycling and running again. So, not only have I received my fill of abuse, and handlebar hits, and near high-speed misses from "my tribe," I've also had to re-evaluate my own trail usage with returning to training and now only cycle on the road and run on the grass if the pavement is too crowded.

As an aside - I don't normally crow about my achievements or rub other people's noses in it, but one day I was so pissed-off with a tri cyclist on the trail that I let him have it. I had just started riding again after injury and was on my upright hybrid on a particularly busy day. A tri guy on full aero bike and aero helmet (but was carrying more than a few extra pounds and wearing a charity ride jersey...) had approached from behind and was increasingly verbal at not being able to pass. At a light he pulled alongside, and yelled "Why don't you get the f*k off the trail and make room for the REAL cyclists???!!!" So, I pointed to my IM tattoo and yelled back, "Hey a-hole, when you've got one of these, I'll consider YOU a real cyclist...!"

Apologies for the long winded, lecturing pomposity but I've had it up to here with finess entitlement. Calm youself in traffic or find another route.

You could always just ride on the road like a grownup.

Help me be an asshole


no need

We have a winner!

I agree with insulinpower. If it's a multi-use trail that allows bikes, regardless of what the letter of the law is on the specifics, the spirit of it to me is multi-use trails are for cruising on a bike, a leisurely ride. If I want to get a workout in, the roads or bike-specific trails are the place for that. If I try to do get my aero tuck on on a multi-use trail I know I'm just going to get annoyed, so I sort of made my own bed there.

Trails lately however are definitely full of lots of people using them in obnoxious ways, e.g. yes it's the responsibility of the cyclist to not crash into walkers from behind but walkers can help out there by not taking up the full width of the trail with their party, occasionally checking behind them if someone's trying to pass, and making way without causing a scene. Similar story on letting your poorly-trained over-stimulated dog essentially run free on a 20-foot leash, stopping with your double-wide stroller in the dead center of the trail, etc. I generally observe that cyclists and runners are much better about using multi-use trails "courteously" than walkers.

Exactly. Although the existence of "bike-specific trails" is news to me.

If you want to get a workout on a multi-use trail, ride a rusty old bike with deflated tires or just clamp a brake to make it a lot of work to go 5 mph.

Wait, you think real cyclists do ironman triathlons?

Haaaaa.