Tibbs,
Sorry to hear abot your family, but I pick the god damn terror of the fcking gods our of my nose! Pardon my language. But Yeehaw! let the sons of God and man bear witness! Even in the belly of the Thunderbird I've been casting our the False Prophets; I'm busting a gut and blowing my o-ring, and ripe to throw a loaf! For I speak only the fcking truth, and never in my days have I spoke other than! For my every utterance is a lie, including this very one you hear! I say, "fck 'em if they can't take a joke!" By God, "anything for a laugh" I say. I am the last remaining Homo Correctus, I am the god damn MAN of the FUTURE! I'll drive a mile so as not to walk a foot; I am a man of the first damn water! Yes, I'm the javalina- humping junkie that jumped the Men from Mars! I drank the Devil under seven tables, I am too intense to die, I'm insured for acts o' Gods and Satan! I was shanghaied by bodiless fiends and aliens from a corporate galaxy, and got away with their hubcaps! I cannot be tracked on radar. I wear nothing uniform, I wear no god damn uniform! Yes, baby, I'm 23 feet tall and have 13 rows o' teats; I was suckled by a triceratops, I gave the anti-virgin a high-protein tonsil wash! I'm a bacterial weapon, I'm armed and loaded! I'm a fission reactor, I fart plutonium, power plants are fueled by the sweat from my brow; when they plug me in, the lights go out in Hong Kong! I weigh 666 pounds in zero gravity, COME AND GET ME. I've sired retarted space aliens accross the Cosmos, I cook and EAT my dead. YAH-HOOO, I am the unshaven thron tree of the atlantis zoo. I pay no taxes. The devil's hands are my ideal playground. I hold the Seven-Bladed Windbreaker; the wheels that turn are behind me! They say a godzillion is the highest number there is. Well, by God, I count to a Godzillion and one!. Yes, I'm the purple flower of Hell County, give me a wide berth' when I drop my drawers, Mother Nature swoons! I use a python for a prophylactic; I'm thicker, harder and Meaner than the Alaskan Pipeline, and carry more spew! I'll freeze your seed before it hits the bathroom tile! Yee! YEE!. I kidnapped the future and ransomed it for the past, I made TIME wait up for me to bleed my lizard! My infernal breath wilts the Tree of Life, I left my spoor on the rock of ages, who'll tear flesh with me? Who'll spill their juice? Who'll gague with me? Who'se candle will I fart out? WHOOT! I'm ready! So step aside all you butt-licked, neutoric, insecure, bespecled, slabs o' wimpmeat! I'm a crime-fighting master criminal, I'm not insane! I'm a screamer and a laugher. I make a spectacle of myself, I am a SIGHT! My physical type cannot be classified by SCIENCE, my "familiar" is a pterodactyl. I feel IT, dipsh!ts! I communicate without wires or strings! I am a thuggee, I am feared in the TONGS, I have the evil eye, I carry the MOJO Bag; I swam the Bermuda Triangle and DIDN"T GET WET. I circumsise dinosaurs with my teeth and make them leave a tip. I change tires with my tongue and my tool! Every night I hock up a loogie and extinguish the Sun. I am the big footed devil of level 14. Who will come SHOE me? Where's the robot giant that will try to blow me down? I've packed the brownies of the Gods. Space monsters cringe at my tread! I wipe the pyramids off my shoes before I enter my house, I'm fuel injected and I'll live forever. I'm IMMUNE. I'm radioactive. Come on and give me cancer, I'll spit up the tumor and butter my toast with the juice. I'm supernatural, I bend crowbars with my meat axe and a thought. My droppings bore thru the earth and erupt volcanoes in China. Yes, I can drink more wine and stay soberer than all the heathens in Asia! Yee Haw! Gut blowout! I am a moray eel, I am a komodo dragon, I am a killer whale bereft of it's pup. I have a tripple backbone, I was sired by the wolfman, give me all you slack! I told Jesus I would't go to church and he shook my hand. I have my own personal saviors, I change them every hour, I don't give if there's life after death, I just want to know if there's slack after death. I am a damn visionary. I see the future and the past in comic books and wine bottles; I east black holes for breakfast! I bend my genes and whittle at my DNA with the sheer force of my will! I steer my OWN damn evolution! I ran 'em out of heaven and sold it to hell for a profit. I'm enlightened, I achieved "nirvana" and took it home with me. Yip, Yip, YEE! I'm so ugle, the speed of light can't slow me down and gravity won;'t tug at my cuffs. When the rapture comes, I'll make 'em wait. They'll never clean my cage! Now give me some more of that.....