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Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts.
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Hi to all-

I have a girl friend who had her first child two years ago. She began running (slow jogging combined with walking) and cross fit about 1 year ago and after the first 6 months she lost 25 lbs, but has since regained all 25 and added another 5 lbs.

She turned to me in despair, but I do not know what else to offer her. I told her that I would inquire with ST and that surely someone at ST would have some sound advice and maybe an answer to why she cannot lose weight.

About her:
35 yrs old
Married
Physician
80 lbs overweight (according to her, but probably more like 50 over)
Works 8-14 hrs 5-7 days/week, but almost never sits. She is always active seeing patients or performing surgery. She wears a fitbit and says that she often walks 5-8 miles per day at work.
Former high school swimmer.
Began eating too much and not exercising during the first year of her 7 year residency. She finished residency 1.5 years ago.

I have encouraged her to supplement her morning cross fit with an evening bike session, but she says that she is too tired. I told her that she is too tired in the evening b/c she restricts her caloric intake too severely b/c each day she seeks to be 1,000 k/cal deficient.

We have also discussed how that the intensity of cross fit 4-6 days/week might be over-training, but b/c she has never been a runner or cyclist she isn't familiar with the subjective signs of over-training or over-reaching.

I have offered to have her do some spin/trainer sessions with me, but she is convinced that cross fit is the answer b/c some people at her local "Box" are losing 100 lbs in a year with only 3 days/week of cross fit (so they claim).

She doesn't ride a bike on the road b/c she feels unsafe (due to her lack of coordination and drivers' ineptitude). She doesn't like running in public b/c she feels self-conscious. Maybe an at-home treadmill would help?

Despite this caloric deficiency she continues to maintain her weight. Maybe she is building muscle and the caloric deficiency is stimulating her to store fat and simultaneously failing to actually create new muscle tissue- hence the lack of noticeable muscle gains from cross fit?

Her diet sounds pretty well-rounded. She chiefly follows a paleo protocol and does not drink soda, juice, or beer, but drinks a glass of wine 3-4 days/week. She says that she has tried almost every reasonable diet and some of the unreasonable diets with little to no results.

She recently had her thyroid checked and it was barely normal. Even with the addition of the thyroid medicine she has been unable to lose weight.

Thank you in advance for your analysis and your input.

Proud Representative of Slowtwitch Anti-Atheists Society.
Last edited by: Iamironman: Nov 24, 14 7:45
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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I would say add more calories, all real food (tomatoes, whole grains, beans, nuts, bananas etc) all in their natural state except cooking them tho if you wanna. going veg is a great way to improve your diet too. plants make unsaturated fats typically and don't produce cholesterol which will make her heart better which = better cardio performance. NO PROCESSED OR REFINED BS no plastic containers full of xenohormones like bpa, phthalates, alkylphenols. Just eat like a human should. if you're going ham hit a buncha carbs, if you're just chillin then go more keto
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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'' each day she seeks to be 1,000 k/cal deficient''


between 50 and 80 lbs overweight


Walks 5 to 8 miles a day




It doesn't add up. I think she must be giving herself too much credit for calories burned vs calories eaten.

---------------------------
''Sweeney - you can both crush your AG *and* cruise in dead last!! đŸ˜‚ '' Murphy's Law
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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have her go swim too, like wtf is walking tell her to hit her shit carb the fuck up on the hunned organic bananas then double everything. Empower her to transcend herself. given I only had the patience to read like 1/3 of the post
Last edited by: eggplantOG: Nov 16, 14 9:48
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [eggplantOG] [ In reply to ]
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eggplantOG wrote:
I would say add more calories, all real food (tomatoes, whole grains, beans, nuts, bananas etc) all in their natural state except cooking them tho if you wanna. going veg is a great way to improve your diet too. plants make unsaturated fats typically and don't produce cholesterol which will make her heart better which = better cardio performance. NO PROCESSED OR REFINED BS no plastic containers full of xenohormones like bpa, phthalates, alkylphenols. Just eat like a human should. if you're going ham hit a buncha carbs, if you're just chillin then go more keto

THIS

I like the one quote from Matt Fitzgerald, where he said "generally if a diet has a name, you shouldn't follow it". Also, how long has she been stuck at this weight for? Does she work nights of just straight days? If she does nights, it can wreak havoc on your body, with the cortisol changes and eating at various times, coupled with decreased quality recovery.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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Since I read that 70% of weight loss will be caused by what you eat, the focus would be on the food, not just exercise.

I know for me to stay skinny, it is not what I eat really. It is how MUCH I each day in and day out!! I am just amazed how much food I see fat folks eat. If I ate as much
as them, I would not be skinny either.

It did not go on overnight, and it is harder to get off than to put on.

So just seems like something is wrong with the quantity of food. And one should not starve themselves. That is a fad one cannot keep long term.

It has been a month since my pig out at Disneyland and I stay am trying to get back to and stay at race weight. For folks who do not focus on weight control ALL year long,
well, I can see why they have issues.

Diets never work. Lifestyle changes is the best shot.

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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Sweeney] [ In reply to ]
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Sweeney wrote:
'' each day she seeks to be 1,000 k/cal deficient''

between 50 and 80 lbs overweight


Walks 5 to 8 miles a day


It doesn't add up. I think she must be giving herself too much credit for calories burned vs calories eaten.
I agree. She must be eating many more calories than she acknowledges. Or heavy on the simple carbs. Because there is no way if she has a 1,000 calorie deficit that she has gained back 25 lbs and holding.
I think she is probably stressed and incorporates mindless eating. And 8 miles seems on the high side.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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Regarding this topic, I can suggest two profound videos. Combined, they show some remarkable insight into health and weight management. If you see them, you will never look at diet and food in the same way again. The first is a mind-blowing BBC documentary about something called 'intermittent fasting' (link to episode). The second is a documentary about diet, sugar, obesity, blame, and our society (link to trailer, full film avail at libraries, on dvd, etc.). See them both. They have the solution.



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Last edited by: DarkSpeedWorks: Nov 16, 14 11:04
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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A couple thoughts:

All that "I'm never sitting at work, I'm on my feet all day" stuff doesn't add up to diddly squat when it comes to fitness and weight loss. I have a very, very physical job. Probably more so then most, especially when it comes to triathletes. All it does is make me tired, it doesn't make me fit. It requires me to be strong and fit, but doing it all day every day doesn't make me fit and strong. When I stop working out, I find work makes me feel even more tired, and I put on weight quicker. It's when I'm striking the right balance between eating well, working out enough, and working long hours that I actually find I have the most energy throughout the day.

You don't "gain muscle while losing weight", at least not proportionately. Muscle is put on very, very slowly. Kind of like cardiovascular fitness. Fat, on the other hand, can be shed much more rapidly (although aiming for slower, more consistant gains is typically more successful in the long run).

Stress is also a weight loss killer. Working 14 hour days in a high stress job (you mentioned surgery) isn't helping your friend. Not really sure what can be done about that in this situation.

Also, you mentioned she has a lack of coordination... and she performs surgery?!?

Long Chile was a silly place.
Last edited by: BCtriguy1: Nov 16, 14 10:06
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Ty] [ In reply to ]
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Ty wrote:
Sweeney wrote:
'' each day she seeks to be 1,000 k/cal deficient''

between 50 and 80 lbs overweight


Walks 5 to 8 miles a day


It doesn't add up. I think she must be giving herself too much credit for calories burned vs calories eaten.

I agree. She must be eating many more calories than she acknowledges. Or heavy on the simple carbs. Because there is no way if she has a 1,000 calorie deficit that she has gained back 25 lbs and holding.
I think she is probably stressed and incorporates mindless eating. And 8 miles seems on the high side.

Unless she has a serious endocrinological issue, there is no other explanation. She needs to take a really hard and honest look at what she is consuming; physical activity is not the issue.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [stop2think] [ In reply to ]
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I worked with a woman who put on weight despite all the numbers leading you to assume she should be losing weight.

I advised thyroid test. It came back normal. After several months of the numbers still not adding up a thyroid test came back and thyroxine was prescribed.

Usually though fat people just eat too much.

Fat people choose partners who allow them to become and stay fat.
Last edited by: William Ockham: Nov 16, 14 10:33
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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It is for 99.9% of people a very simple equation. Having spent 10 years in the fitness industry and now 5 as a physiotherapist, I have heard it all. There are very very few instances when someone who is doing a lot of exercise won't lose weight. Whatever the exercise is. If cross fit motivates you to burn calories great, if walking does, great, if triathlon does, great.

The thing to consider is that certain activities burn more than others. An hours walk for instance will not equate to an hours run in terms of calories burned.

Now, this is a very tricky subject, and the reason why I send my girlfriend to a personal trainer as opposed to coaching her myself. Your girlfriend is almost certainly not being honest either with regards to her eating habits, or her exercise, or both. If she is going off a 1000 calorie deficit a day, then she will lose weight. Period. She might have the odd blip due to hormones, time of the month, water retention etc, but the long term trend will be down.

So, if you are trying to help her out you need to get to the bottom of what is going on. A few cups of coffee, the odd biscuit, whatever, it all adds up. I outsource all of this to someone else as all it cause was arguments and stress when I tried to explain hey honey, this is what you're doing wrong etc etc. You're a braver man than me taking this one on!
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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She's way underestimating how much she eats. She needs. Food scale, measuring cups and a calorie app (I suggest LoseIt). Nothing is more depressing than realizing your '600' cal lunch is more like 1100 Cals. I also doubt she walking 5 miles a day, that's a butt load
Last edited by: npage148: Nov 16, 14 10:57
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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Many people over simply weight loss as calories in vs calories out. What you eat and when are also important.

I know plenty of smart educated women who struggle to loose weight and I don't believe they all lie about what they eat and what they work out. Many are IM triathletes especially women and even in build for IM gain weight. Many have looked at many professionals to get help and have not made the progress they have despite following the plan.

Physician friends share with me that physicians know some about weight loss but hormones and much is still to be learned. One of the surprises discovered afterweight loss surgery is that it changes hormone levels which is part of the reason for success for some. It isn't always about making stomach smaller.

I know some tri coaches, coach both a husband and wife, who train basically the same, eat same breakfast and dinner and man looses weight and wife gains weight while training for same Ironman.

For me Paleo is the only way I lose weight and keep it off. Wine would hurt that for me.

I don't have the answer for her but empathize with her. Smug answer that it is simple and easy doesn't help.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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Sounds silly but keep a food log (everything). It all the little things add up
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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Agree with much of what has been posted above, but here is an additional idea. Totally painful, totally enlightening - have her use MyFitnessPal (or any other calories tracker). Importantly, have her set an hourly chime on her phone - record what was consumed in the last hour (easy to 'forget' at the end of a long day). Buy a cheap digital scale for home. Easy to eat 2x the calories/serving b/c the serving is too large. Everyone else has been too kind - she is *not* -1000 cal/day and gaining/maintaining weight over many weeks. I can't comment on the 'burn' per day (although it does sound high, it seems potentially feasible). So that implicates the calorie intake as being inaccurate.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [KathyG] [ In reply to ]
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KathyG wrote:
Many people over simply weight loss as calories in vs calories out. What you eat and when are also important.

I know plenty of smart educated women who struggle to loose weight and I don't believe they all lie about what they eat and what they work out. Many are IM triathletes especially women and even in build for IM gain weight. Many have looked at many professionals to get help and have not made the progress they have despite following the plan.

Physician friends share with me that physicians know some about weight loss but hormones and much is still to be learned. One of the surprises discovered afterweight loss surgery is that it changes hormone levels which is part of the reason for success for some. It isn't always about making stomach smaller.

I know some tri coaches, coach both a husband and wife, who train basically the same, eat same breakfast and dinner and man looses weight and wife gains weight while training for same Ironman.

For me Paleo is the only way I lose weight and keep it off. Wine would hurt that for me.

I don't have the answer for her but empathize with her. Smug answer that it is simple and easy doesn't help.

But this is typical. Take an average man and an average woman, they both eat the same and both train the same even side by side and the man loses weight and the woman fails to lose weight.

This is because a man is different to a woman. The man requires more calories to do the same work. The woman is probably smaller.

As for wine. Men can drink more than women they usually have bigger livers because they are bigger.

Men have more muscle mass and less fat on average.

Women must take this into account.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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tell her to wreck her shit n it's time to suffer it'll be good tho lol she can do it she'll feel og about it. it's easier when you take the body image out of the equation and you're just working to make yourself potent.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [efntm1432] [ In reply to ]
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#1: if her glass of wine is right before bed, it's going to cause extra problems

#2: I know a fattie who goes to cross fit and has stayed fat, just cuz they are there doesn't mean they aren't modifying or sitting things out and not doing the "crossfit" you think of. It's more than just showing up and talking about it, Which leads me to...

#3: most people don't work out hard enough to see results. Slow calorie burn, overestimating your activity, all lead to not seeing
results.

My amateur reco would be to have her turn over the keys to you for a month, you get to schedule the workouts and diet. Cut the crossfit and get on the trainer, pool, treadmill and push the pace. Couple it with good diet and the stuff should melt. Good luck to you both
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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she is eating more than she thinks/exercising less than she thinks.

there's no defying thermodynamics.

I would second the recommendation for loseit - it's a great app.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [William Ockham] [ In reply to ]
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William Ockham wrote:
KathyG wrote:
Many people over simply weight loss as calories in vs calories out. What you eat and when are also important.

I know plenty of smart educated women who struggle to loose weight and I don't believe they all lie about what they eat and what they work out. Many are IM triathletes especially women and even in build for IM gain weight. Many have looked at many professionals to get help and have not made the progress they have despite following the plan.

Physician friends share with me that physicians know some about weight loss but hormones and much is still to be learned. One of the surprises discovered afterweight loss surgery is that it changes hormone levels which is part of the reason for success for some. It isn't always about making stomach smaller.

I know some tri coaches, coach both a husband and wife, who train basically the same, eat same breakfast and dinner and man looses weight and wife gains weight while training for same Ironman.

For me Paleo is the only way I lose weight and keep it off. Wine would hurt that for me.

I don't have the answer for her but empathize with her. Smug answer that it is simple and easy doesn't help.


But this is typical. Take an average man and an average woman, they both eat the same and both train the same even side by side and the man loses weight and the woman fails to lose weight.

This is because a man is different to a woman. The man requires more calories to do the same work. The woman is probably smaller.

As for wine. Men can drink more than women they usually have bigger livers because they are bigger.

Men have more muscle mass and less fat on average.

Women must take this into account.

They eat the same food but not the same amount but women gains weight.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [ilikepizza] [ In reply to ]
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Women looking for a relationship tend to be thinner than women in a relationship.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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I've dropped about 30 lbs in the last year simply by running (I like to say without even trying, because I was running for fun, not weightloss). No dietary changes whatsoever.

I've always been active (gym type stuff) -- say I'd go to the gym 3 days a week and walk for an hour the other days and still couldn't lose any weight. Weight Watchers and all other dietary based stuff just made me hungry and cranky.

Started a couch to 5K program last August and surprise! I like running. Moved onto Barry P last December and have been doing that ever since. Got my bike this summer, added in biking and swimming and did 3 tris this year.

Interestingly, the only other time I dropped a chunk of weight is when I worked at a stable in college and was moving the entire day.

So for me, dietary changes just don't work. It has to be activity. Where you stand on that continuum is probably different for different people.

An acquaintance came up to me this summer and asked how I lost all that weight, and I said running. She had lost some weight too and she said she cut out all alcohol and sugar. I told her running sounds like more fun.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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I guarantee she is not accounting for all the calories she is eating, or incorrectly accounting for the calories she is eating.

As you're finding, most physicians are busy enough and stressed enough that exercise is a luxury to them, despite the stories that they 'abound' in triathlon - they're rare, just people tend to remember them when they run into them.
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Re: Girl-friend with weight problem despite workouts. [Iamironman] [ In reply to ]
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The best advice is to pull the ejection handle now.

Has anyone successfully change someone else's behavior for an extended period of time?
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