Involve more non-training swim "play", anything that doesn't have the pressure of goals and performance. Like just hanging out at the beach, going snorkeling (or diving, if you have access to that), playing with kids/dogs in the water, etc. Many athletes who don't enjoy swimming can muster the strength to muddle through swim workouts. But to get to a place where it is fun, I think requires approaching from a different avenue than training. Help her find joy in the water. But don't push. People will never be open to enjoyment if they feel they are being forced into it. And if you don't enjoy it, it's hard to imagine building comfort with it (especially if your only other context is a feeling of dread).

I'm no expert, but I doubt you can do much more than you've already done...which is substantial on its own.

I would think it would start with a desire on her part to WANT it to be different. And, from there seek help from a professional (psychologist / sports psychologist) to work through her issues. Something that's been that deep seated, for that long...particularly as a result of a childhood traumatic experience...isn't likely to "go away" without expert outside assistance.

My own experiences into that arena would say that I, as the husband, am the least qualified to help. Possibly, simply due to the emotional bond...and potentially charged nature of some of the issues...versus an objective 3rd party.

I agree with the non swimming play. Take her paddleboarding (prone) in lakes, or surfing if you live near someplace with gentle waves.

Summer OW swims in clear lakes with pauses to dive down and explore, and floating while stareing at the sky are awesome.

I'm all in on the fun part, especially pretty lakes and clear ocean where there's stuff to look at and little waves to bodyboard or bodysurf w fins.
Plus if you have and little ones in the picture (kids, grandkids, extended family, etc) there will always be some kind of water activity and it's best to be comfortable in and near the water with them around.
KS

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Karen ST Concierge

I dunno. Imagine your SO tryin to get you to enjoy playing chess. Or snooker. Or <insert something else there if you actually enjoy those>.
If you manage to win a game at local level, it might be the proudest moment of your life. But it's still boring as hell.

Try to find our what makes her the best person she is and encourage that.

Not the same as your wife, but somewhat similar. My first job was a lifeguard at 16. Long story short, my 2nd summer of doing it I pulled a dead guy out of the lake. Quit my job a week later and have hated everything involving the water since. I barely get into the pool/ocean with my kids to swim if I do not have too.

If I am going to skip a workout because I am too tired or just not "feeling it", it will be a pool workout.

As others have said, I don't think you will be able to do anything to fix it. It just is what it is.

Like others have said, create experiences of play and fun in the water outside of "training".

Swimming is by far my favorite sport and it stems from the fact that I just love being in the water. Period. In my mind, I view the water more as a playground then a dangerous or foreign environment. And that is all because I grew up playing in pools/ocean.

Although, she's swimming a decent amount so it's not like she doesn't know how to swim... Maybe, play some marco-polo, some pool volleyball, pool basketball, or "find the objects in the deep end"... whatever! (when I was a lifeguard, and the pool was closed, we would play pool baseball - using the swim paddles for bats, tennis balls - the diamond would be in the 2-3-ft kiddie section and if you could hit it into the deep end at the complete other end of the pool there was a good chance of running the bases. Fun times!) Just have fun in the water and she will get used to how it feels, how to maneuver, and eventually she will associate it with fun. Hopefully, that will help.

Best of luck!

Yeah, like other people have said, you need more fore play.

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Indoor Triathlete - I thought I was right, until I realized I was wrong.

Duly noted!

Thanks everyone for the feedback, moving to Oregon certainly makes it easier to enjoy the water in other ways and I didn't really think about that in August when we first got here, instead we specifically went to lakes to swim but perhaps it is a good idea to just go, no buoys, no swim cap and just be near and in the water. Then just hope it works but let her work through it in her own way.

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808 > NYC > PDX > YVR
2024 Races: Taupo

There are other options: she could see a therapist or sports psychologist.

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http://www.jt10000.com/

It sounds to me as though she has moved well past the trauma of her childhood experience and just doesn't like swimming very much. Question then is why is that a problem? Is it something she really wants to change for herself, or something she wants to do to make you happy? What's her motivation? I know plenty of people, including lots of triathletes, who just don't like swimming that much. Maybe it's the hassle of getting to water vs just getting out on the bike or the run. Maybe it's the boredom of going up and down a pool without even having music or podcasts to listen to. Maybe it's trepidation about open water, or swimming in groups.

Triathlon's a hobby, we do it for fun, if there's an aspect of the sport that she really doesn't like, then maybe it's not the right sport for her, and that's fine. She could have more enjoyment just being a runner, cyclist, duathlete, or something completely different. Heck, I've spent years trying to enjoy swimming more, I have moments when I think I'm hooked and then I always regress and suddenly realise I've gone a month of cycling and running without getting wet! So now I mostly just cycle instead, since I enjoy that more, and I just swim when I feel like swimming for enjoyment rather than trying to follow a training plan.

I've tried the route of convincing her to focus on duathlon for a year or two as she builds endurance (longer road due to a few injuries) and also to see if she can change her goal and stick with dus but she is one of those overachievers who doesn't want to 'lose fitness' or revert back to step 1 when she gets back to swimming. She is adamant about getting to cross off the IM from her list, in her mind, in 2020. She does force herself to go once or twice a week, which is better than some I guess but she also gets really discouraged when she never sees speed improving (because 1-2x/week ain't going to cut it).

I know I can't force any of this and if she can't get to enjoying the water in other ways then I guess all I can do is let it run its course, see her do her IM and then never swim 100 yards again, which was always the plan anyway, I'm just hoping I can help her make the road to that IM a little more enjoyable in the water. At any rate, I certainly have made it clear that I don't care if she never swims again, she's a runner by heart who just found she likes cycling as well, I couldn't care less if she never does a triathlon again, I'd rather her enjoy training for whatever it is she wants. If only I could get her to replace the IM with the Zofingen on her bucket list!

ETA: Her goal of doing an IM was there long before she met me, since she spectated the lone NYC IM in 2012. She only started trying partly because of marrying me but mostly because she ran through an injury from Boston to the JFK 50 miler in 2015 which put her out of running for months.

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808 > NYC > PDX > YVR
2024 Races: Taupo

This might sounds counterintuitive, but have her swim a lot more frequently, with shorter sessions at first. Swimming sucks when you’re in poor swim shape. But guess what, running also sucks when you’re in poor running shape. And biking.

I used to absolutely hate swimming, despite the fact that I’m pretty decent at it. Then I got on Tower 26 and started swimming a lot more and actually got into good swim shape. And once that happened I actually enjoyed going to the pool.

So I’d say try and get her to go to the pool 4-5x per week for a month and see what that does.