I have just come across possibly the most brutal race known to man, besides an Ironman or Marathon, and, that is, the "Solo House Move, Spiral Staircase Athon." The event consists of moving a family with two kids and their shit out of one house into another, which has, yes, a climbing, spiral staircase (I keep saying that...) ---using nothing but one or two lazy, completely, worthless and unhelpful friends and the largest U-Haul on the lot, because you are so cheap you don't want to use professional movers.
As I type this, I can barely move my arms, shoulders, legs, toes, and neck.
As the clock was ticking down during the race, for the buyer of my old house to "take possession by midnight," I started this brutal race early at 7 in the morning, moving heavy ass, wrought-iron steel lawn sets, couches, chairs, bar stools, heavy glass panes, 45,695 boxes of toys, food, cans, clothes, more boxes of toys, bikes, dog food cans.
Just to sit here and list all of the hordes of diverse shit would be impossible.
Safe to say is that you don't have time to tag it and analyse it and be cynical about it. You just keep your feet and arms moving and hauling ass. The week before I had ran a marathon. I concluded four hours into this race that I would have rather run 3 marathons that day than do this.
Times got tough.
I reminded myself to take Accelerade and hit Gu all day however there were many aid stations I "walked through," in which I would pay a price for later.
Just to stop here and list what I have lifted, moved, put in a truck and re-lifted, and wormed up a climbing, spiral staircase, is much like writing to infinity, the careful balancing and massive weight to push items, themselves, all differently balanced, worked different muscles, all day long---a horrific, all day long, fatiguing trapeze act.
As the clock ticked down, and, as the friends left, I began to hit "the attic."
It is here that many solo mover, "Spiral Stair Case Athon" loses time and may quit, having already been beat down all day from all of the unbalanced weight lifting, loading and then lifting again up a spiral staircase. My back was beat.
Yes, I was worse off last Sunday at this very same time, on mile 16 of the marathon.
You've heard of "the wall," in the marathon. I think that is nothing compared to "the attic." Many people have DNF'd here on "Solo House Move Athon" when they hit "the attic," usually a dark, dusty, asbestos laced, furnace of 160 degrees fahrenheit. What with the athlete already exhausted from the previous 7 hours of work, the attic falls into the category of what "The White Spider" is to climbing the North Eigher.
And, now at "the attic," there is now more heavy shit to move, but this time, you cannot breath, you are sweating like fat beast. Time to lift broken shit, warped plastics, broken plastic rods, curtains, papers, books, and yet more boxes, but these boxes have bottoms which fall out.
It was about 4 P.M., when I hit "the attic."
I became dehyrdated, so, having no other option left, and time running out I just decided to throw everything out of the small opening of the attic down below, like a madman, chairs, books, cement tiles, broken shower curtains, even if it should hit some people down below. After several hours of throwing the shit out of the attic entrance down below, a large, dusty pile of debris had stacked up six feet high.
It was at this point somewhere in which people said I passed out. I had moved the hot attic pile into the U-Haul, and was humping it up the spiral staircase, when I passed out.
I was given an "IV" and "Came To" several hours later, finishing up the race at 9:45 P.M..
Total Time: 14:45.
As I type this, I can barely move my arms, shoulders, legs, toes, and neck.
As the clock was ticking down during the race, for the buyer of my old house to "take possession by midnight," I started this brutal race early at 7 in the morning, moving heavy ass, wrought-iron steel lawn sets, couches, chairs, bar stools, heavy glass panes, 45,695 boxes of toys, food, cans, clothes, more boxes of toys, bikes, dog food cans.
Just to sit here and list all of the hordes of diverse shit would be impossible.
Safe to say is that you don't have time to tag it and analyse it and be cynical about it. You just keep your feet and arms moving and hauling ass. The week before I had ran a marathon. I concluded four hours into this race that I would have rather run 3 marathons that day than do this.
Times got tough.
I reminded myself to take Accelerade and hit Gu all day however there were many aid stations I "walked through," in which I would pay a price for later.
Just to stop here and list what I have lifted, moved, put in a truck and re-lifted, and wormed up a climbing, spiral staircase, is much like writing to infinity, the careful balancing and massive weight to push items, themselves, all differently balanced, worked different muscles, all day long---a horrific, all day long, fatiguing trapeze act.
As the clock ticked down, and, as the friends left, I began to hit "the attic."
It is here that many solo mover, "Spiral Stair Case Athon" loses time and may quit, having already been beat down all day from all of the unbalanced weight lifting, loading and then lifting again up a spiral staircase. My back was beat.
Yes, I was worse off last Sunday at this very same time, on mile 16 of the marathon.
You've heard of "the wall," in the marathon. I think that is nothing compared to "the attic." Many people have DNF'd here on "Solo House Move Athon" when they hit "the attic," usually a dark, dusty, asbestos laced, furnace of 160 degrees fahrenheit. What with the athlete already exhausted from the previous 7 hours of work, the attic falls into the category of what "The White Spider" is to climbing the North Eigher.
And, now at "the attic," there is now more heavy shit to move, but this time, you cannot breath, you are sweating like fat beast. Time to lift broken shit, warped plastics, broken plastic rods, curtains, papers, books, and yet more boxes, but these boxes have bottoms which fall out.
It was about 4 P.M., when I hit "the attic."
I became dehyrdated, so, having no other option left, and time running out I just decided to throw everything out of the small opening of the attic down below, like a madman, chairs, books, cement tiles, broken shower curtains, even if it should hit some people down below. After several hours of throwing the shit out of the attic entrance down below, a large, dusty pile of debris had stacked up six feet high.
It was at this point somewhere in which people said I passed out. I had moved the hot attic pile into the U-Haul, and was humping it up the spiral staircase, when I passed out.
I was given an "IV" and "Came To" several hours later, finishing up the race at 9:45 P.M..
Total Time: 14:45.