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problems with food
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Iím not a regular poster, but I do know that some of the people here have had issues with eating and Iím just wondering if anyone has any suggestions/advice.

I am having trouble with binging. Iíve binged most of my life (since I was 10 or 11 years old; Iím now 30), and eaten in secret. Iíve always been active and while Iíve been plump at times, Iíve never been fat even though with what I eat I really should be.

When I was younger I had some trouble with eating Ė took laxatives, did the puking thing a couple of times (but didnít find it very efficient; I donít think I stuck with it long enough to be good at it b/c I was already using laxatives). Iíd go days only eating one meal, do the eating but not swallowing and spit into a bag thing. I mostly got over it, except that I kept on binging and eating in secret. As an adult, Iíve continued to binge, I binge at home, at work (keep food in my drawer and take bits out and eat at a time when nobody is around to see), I eat in secret and what I eat in public is probably fairly normal. Iíve taken food out of the garbage and eaten it. Iíve been to see various therapists for other things (not currently seeing any therapist though am on seroquel (anti-psychotic)), and when I tried to bring this up as an issue it was always dismissed that I couldnít be eating/binging that much b/c Iím not fat. I used to cut to punish myself or as a release but I think Iíve worked through most of that and donít anymore. I think sometimes food for me takes on what cutting used to. Some days I can be good and eat 1500/2000 calories, some days I eat well over 8000. I hate myself for not having more control.

Right now I am too big; I was injured for most of last year and put on weight. My bf and I were doing our own version of the Biggest Loser (except whoever won on a weekly basis got to get a good favour from the other) to get down to race weight, but weíve stopped as of last night. Yesterday I binged Ė I canít remember everything I ate, I started to list what I remember but itís too embarrassing.

I made myself puke last night, which I havenít done in a long time. It was easier than I remember. Iím stressed out right now about several things. I called my bf after I did it and he came over, and he was so great and supportive.

Does anyone have any suggestions about what to do? I do want to lose weight, but I find when I track food I become very very obsessive, and I want to be healthy and stop binging. Therapy is expensive and so not really an option at the moment; most regular/cheaper therapists Iíve contacted in the past wonít deal with people who are bipolar, even though I donít think thatís anything to do with this though if I am having an upswing the binging definitely gets worse (I was a little up a few weeks ago as I was playing with meds in an effort to try to be able to wake up in the morning to train (seroquel has a strong sedative effect) but I was able to recognize that I was a littleÖ.hyperÖ.and upped my meds a bit and think I am fine now). My mom would possibly be willing to pay for some therapy but sheís retiring this year, and I donít want to ask or frankly to go into it. I have a friend who has gone to Overeaters Anonymous and who has suggested I try that; Iím willing to though I find the whole god thing a bit distasteful and arenít really sure what it will do.
Last edited by: Teags: Feb 11, 09 11:27
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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You need to see a therapist. Seriously. (and I mean that in the nicest way possible, even though I know it's coming across harsh!).

Good luck and get healthy!!!


______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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Teags,
I just sent you a PM.

I would also like to add that as a mom there isn't anything...ANYTHING...that I wouldn't do to help my children. Talk to your mom, my thought is that she will do whatever she can to help you.

Leslie

____________________________
Life is Short...Run Long
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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I agree with D that therapy is probably your best bet but I also thought I would share a little.

I went through a serious eating disorder when I was 21-24. I went through periods of starving and binging/purging. It got so bad for a while that every time I would eat, even if it was just a few crackers, I would immediately go and throw it back up. I lived for MONTHS on nothing but whole fruit popsicles. When I finally did go to therapy, one of the best coping mechanisms that my therapist gave me was to write down a list of things that I could do to distract myself whenever I feel like binging/purging. Some of the things I do when I want to binge or purge now are drinking some water, writing a letter to a friend, playing with my dog, or going for an easy walk or run.

Not that what worked for me will work for you, but it's just an idea.

Good luck and please PM me if you need a pal to talk to about this.

__________________________________________________

my severely neglected blog
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Re: problems with food [jess!] [ In reply to ]
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Thanks everyone. I'm feeling kind of down today, and even though my bf is being so supportive, I just feel a little lost.

Jess, your post made me think of my dogs :) Running definitely helps me b/c I can't binge beforehand. I will try to think of things to do. My bf said to call him too if I get the urge to binge or whatever (he'll get sick of all my phone calls! ;) )
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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If you can't find a therapist who deals with bi-polar keep looking. I have no doubt that all of this is linked. You can't treat one and not the other. You mention being on an anti-psychotic but that won't help with the depressions, only curb the severe mania symptoms. You have to talk to a doctor about getting on mood stablizers and potentially anti-depressants. It takes a while to get on the right cocktail but your life will change when you do. Therapy is critical in this mixture as well considering the coping behaviors you've developed.

STOP PLAYING CHEMIST WITH YOUR MEDS! Get services from your local behavior heath agency. Many drs. will work on a sliding scale if you demonstrate financial need.

I cannot emphasize enough, get on the right medication to stablize your bi-polar disorder. It is a brain chemical problem and therapy doesn't always help everyone.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
Last edited by: JenHS: Feb 11, 09 14:35
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Re: problems with food [JenHS] [ In reply to ]
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I had a therapist who I went to after getting diagnosed. I was mentioning to someone that I paid $480/month for therapy (weekly) while my mother, as the relative of someone with a mood disorder, got free therapy through a provincial organization to help her with I guess whatever issues come up being the relative/loved one of someone who is bipolar.

I actually stopped going to therapy once I started taking seroquel. I'd gone off lithium about a month before and had an appointment for a second opinion come through at the same time coincidentally, and it took a while for me to get stable again on seroquel (I ended up on the highest tested dosage). Seroquel is an anti-psychotic, but it also functions as a mood stabilizer, and is actually approved for use as that. I have felt very stable on it - it was a revelation after being on lithium to realize that I hadn't been stable before. I just sort of stopped having issues to talk about. It didn't make me without emotions, I just felt like, I guess, I just didn't have anything I needed to get out.

I eventually lowered my dosage (I'm prescribed 800mg/once a day) to 600mg so I could function better, b/c I had a lot of trouble waking up and I would slur my words and stumble around in the morning and it just wasn't good for the career. Edit: I've been stable at 600mg for 11 months, I just never told my doctors, if I have a bad spell I can go back up to 800mg, though I know I should probably tell the doctors I figure at the worst my prescriptions last me a bit longer. Last month I started trying 500mg/day in order to be able to wake up to train, but I definitely started getting hyper, thinking/talking fast, very short focus, so I went up to 550mg, which still makes waking up difficult, but all the symptoms went away. The psychiatrist, who I do not see regularly (my gp prescribes based on his recommendation; I only see the psychiatrist if I have problems) said I could try taking another drug in addition to the seroquel - I forget the name, but it helps you wake up, but I don't like the idea of taking drugs for drugs. It makes me think of my grandma when she was alive :)

Maybe they are all related. I mean, I've been doing the binging and stuff a lot longer, and I know can be a genetic predisposition with bipolar, but I know there's also stuff that can affect how your brain develops and stuff (my mom went to some seminars on bipolar and borderline personality disorder, which I was also initially diagnosed with (what I wanted the second opinion on....I was like 'there's nothing wrong with my personality!'), but the 2nd and 3rd psychiatrists said they didn't think I had borderline pd but that there was a possibility I am schitzoaffective, although I am apparently too high-functioning for that diagnosis. Anyways.), and my mom told me about it and how stuff that happens to you when you're younger can affect how your brain develops in terms of disorders and other issues.

I don't know. I've always thought of it as separate. It's a good point I guess. I've always just thought I eat a little bit differently but I've been doing it so long it seems normal, even though I know it isn't. Anyways, sorry, this post is going on a bit, sorry if TMI.
Last edited by: Teags: Feb 11, 09 15:29
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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oh honey, what a tough spot to be in... you need to tell your GP about what levels you are taking your meds at... and about your binging problem too. (S)he will either offer help or not. If not, find another doc. I know that's hard to do as well. I just don't want to hear about you ending up in the hospital because your meds went sideways...

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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I know this is complex, believe me. Bi-polar disorder usually starts in the teen years but doesn't get diagnosed until mid-20s or early 30s, when the mood swings become worse and parents and doctors can no longer blame it on being a "typical teenager". There are meds out there that won't make you tired. There are a lot of options and you really need to explore them. I would argue that you aren't stable if you are binging.

Also know that most people get worse as they get older, not better. I don't know how old you are but you need to research this for yourself. How you got it isn't as important as how you are getting treated. Only you know what you have experienced and will recognize yourself in the descriptions. Only you can monitor your health.

I'm worried about you not getting the correct treatment. If you are changing your meds and not telling the Dr. you are playing with your health. Maybe what you are taking is absolutely correct for you but you can't know until you talk to a Dr. and find out of there is something better.

And, eating disorders, as I understand them, are a coping mechanism for something. If you are coping with mood swings and depression, binging could be a way of dealing with it. You can't separate them.

A scary statistic is the high suicide rate among people diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Studies have shown 15% and some studies say up to %30 diagnosed will commit suicide. Please take this seriously.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: problems with food [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
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Thanks. I do, really, really, want to stay stable. It's the most important thing to me. Being stable has allowed me to be with my bf, and other really good things in my life. Plus I have my dogs to take care of too :) I guess I'm so used to feeling like nobody will believe me about the binging. I'm with a new gp right now so maybe he will.
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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We believe you :-)

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: problems with food [JenHS] [ In reply to ]
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Thanks.

I don't want to commit suicide, believe me! I have self-harmed, but I've never been suicidal. I think I'm pretty normal for a crazy person :) I try to be as normal as possible.

I'm 30 now, I got diagnosed around 3 years ago I think. I initially was diagnosed as a mild kind of bipolar b/c being on an anti-depressant (I was having some trouble dealing with something that had happened) triggered me, but since then b/c I have had episodes like when I went off of the lithium (I hated the lithium, I know, I know) I think I'm either diagnosed as Bipolar I or II. I don't think I've ever been full-blown manic, more hypomanic, though I'm honestly not sure where the line lies. I have had some problems with being a bit paranoid since I was a kid, but I don't know how they go about deciding on the diagnosis since it all seems overlapping and slightly - not arbitrary, but subjective.

I think that is something I'm trying to accept. I've never seen myself as having an eating disorder, just eating differently, but no matter how much I try I can't control it, and that maybe just not wanting to behave like that isn't enough, there's something else going on that I have to address, I just have to figure out what it is. Some stuff I don't know how to address though, and don't know if there's anything I'll ever be able to do to address it.

edit: thanks for believing me :)

oh, and the thought of trying another med scares me! I'm scared I won't be stable, I'm scared of the side effects (on lithium I was hypothyroid, and once after a short trail race in hot weather that I thought I would be fine taking my lithium the night before (longer races I skipped my meds the night before to avoid accidental lithium toxicity brought on by dehydration) I did have mild toxicity issues (including short-lived white blindness). I guess I'm just used to thinking of the negatives, not that a new kind of medication could actually be better.

I also worry, b/c one of the side effects of seroquel is diabetes, is that with the binging I'll screw up my insulin levels and become diabetic, though I don't know if that is a realistic concern or not.
Last edited by: Teags: Feb 11, 09 16:31
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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I am struggling with own eating disorder too much right now to be able to try and offer suggestions or help to someone else.

But I saw your post and wanted to tell you this: reach out for help in "real life" whether it is a doctor, family member, therapist, friend. What you are going through is very REAL and TRUE and if someone tries to tell you otherwise, find a new therapist, friend, etc. Lastly ((((((((hugs)))))))))

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: problems with food [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Thank you for your post. I'm sorry you're struggling right now ((((((hugs)))))) to you too.
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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seroquel is just awful stuff. No I am not a Dr but I have taken it, and it is horrible.
Have you considered seeing a nutritionist? that wont deal with the whole "Everything" but if you stop eating even a wee bit of sugar and processed stuff, it will help with the urge to binge.
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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Teags (and Tigerchick),

I saw your posts and had to reply. Teags, I have been bulimic for 20 years - yes, 20, and it sucks the life out of you. Like someone said, without help, it probably won't get better as you get older. I am 37, and am on effexor to help with the anxiety/depression that has been contributing to the binging/purging.

I think that therapy is a good option, but if that is not financial available for you right now, have you tried meditation or yoga - I found both of these good. Also, I listen to the free podcasts "Inside out Weight Loss" with Renee Stevens. You can find them on Itunes or her website Inside out weight loss. There is lots of good stuff in there, and its free - - and you can turn it on and listen when you feel something coming on. I listen while I run and always feel awesome at the end of it.

[Edit - her website is down right now, apparently, but she is still on itunes]

Its no replacement for therapy, proper medication and professional medical help, but its something that is free and easily accessible. There is also Overeaters Anonymous, I am not into that myself, but I have heard of lots of people being successful with it. And its not just for overweight people - my friend was anorexic and had good success with them. Again, its free.

Please, know that you are not alone, and I believe you, because I have been there. I totally confessed to my parents this summer after hiding it for years - it was an attempt to help my Dad, who was depressed but too proud to get help. (I don't want to highjack the thread, but he ended up committing suicide 2 months ago. After telling everyone that he was not suicidal). All this to say - please, please, get help and don't feel like you are alone because your not. If you want to pm me, please feel free.

Lots of hugs,
Angela
Last edited by: Angela K: Feb 12, 09 2:52
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Re: problems with food [Angela K] [ In reply to ]
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kbee, it is awful stuff. it's just that they're all so awful, at least in some ways this is the devil i know.

my best friend is actually a registered dietitian, and she has offered to help me, i've just never wanted her to know how screwed up my eating actually is. but maybe i need to push myself and be honest with her, b/c that is a good resource that i normally don't think of.

angela, i'm so sorry to hear about your father. that must be very hard. my dad died just before i turned 12 but it wasn't a shock like that, that must have been difficult. actually, me going through a lot of this stuff (not the eating) let me push my mom to get help with some stuff, that's funny you say that.

i am starting to realize that i don't think i can change this on my own, not at this point.

thank you for your suggestions. i looked, and there is an overeater's anonymous meeting around a 3k (oooohh) run from my house, and there is also one close to my bf's. i guess it's worthwhile trying and seeing what it is like.

thank you all for your responses - i really appreciate it.
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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Teags,
An eating disorder is really not about the food, so a dietitian will not really help your situation. It is about control, so a therapist would be your best bet. Disordered eating is a medical problem, so insurance may cover you to attend an outpatient program. There are mental health programs that are community based and work on a sliding scale. I went to one when I was in college. As for the bipolar, I am too and when I finally saw a psychopharmacologist (psychiatrist that deals with medication) and got on the right meds it made all the difference. I have been stable for two years on Lamictal (mood stabilizer) and Emsam (anti-depressant patch). Seroquel made me have freaky dreams. Please get some help. Eating disorders cause electrolyte imbalances which on their own are life threatening, but when coupled with training and hydration issues are even more dangerous. I know this is hard and my prayers and thoughts are with you.
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Re: problems with food [pookie87] [ In reply to ]
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thanks pookie. it is true that i know a fair bit about how to eat properly, i just aren't good at doing it.

i am going to go to an OA meeting on monday; the friend who suggested it goes to OA (she is the only person other than my bf and you guys who i've talked to about this stuff, and the only other person i know who has eaten food out of the garbage; what a distinction) and she's going to come with me.

i know that this is mostly about control, and i was thinking last night, it's a way to sort of punish myself too. going to therapy kind of scares me b/c i feel like it could open up a whole can of worms. but i will start with OA and see what i think and go from there.

of the 3 psychs I've seen, 2 were psychopharmacologists (one who has an international rep, he is my 'current' psych though i do not see him regularly). i started out on lamictal but at my first titer up i got a rash, and even though i highly doubt it was the fatal rash, they took me off of it immediately. i was then given the choice between seroquel and lithium, and the side effects and things that seroquel can do scared me, so i decided to go with the lithium, and after i went off of it and was seen i was put onto seroquel (that doctor didn't have the previous recommendations, he just thought it was best for me).

the lithium made me hypothyroid really quickly, and it really affected me b/c it took the doctor i had at the time (filling in for my regular doc's mat leave) a couple of months to get her act together through multiple blood tests to actually prescribe me anything. i trained for my first marathon by doing a couple of 28k runs and then a 30k race 9 weeks before the marathon; then, my life became sleeping, work, eating, and sleep, and nothing else. i think i ran 3 times, 5-10k, in the 6 weeks following the 30k race. 3 weeks before the marathon i freaked out, went out and ran 36k so that i'd know i could do the marathon (i just remember a few k from the end, some guy trying to pick me up coming up beside me going 'great day for a jog! i love to jog!' and me thinking 'i may not be going fast right now, but if you say jog one more time i am going to punch you'). given the lack of training the race was surprisingly unbrutal but it was very difficult to train and keep everything together while on the lithium pre-thyroid meds, mind you, it has been worse on the seroquel.

the thought of switching meds makes me nervous not only in terms of how stable i will or won't be, but also with what will happen with training. though jenhs post got me thinking last night, and my mom has mentioned a couple of times lately that she thinks i've had a bad temper (but one of those times an SUV drove into me on my run! you're allowed to be pissed then, i think), so maybe i'm not as stable as i could be.

looking through the letters from the psychs, they tend to want to avoid any anti-depressants/SSRIs because of the triggering risk. i'm not sure what sort of combination i would need to be stable if i included an anti-depressant in my meds.
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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Nothing wrong with being angry, it is the degree and follow-through that can be the problem. My husband knew I wasn't doing well when I got in a 5 minute screaming match at a guy who called me a bitch in a parking lot. Every bad word in the book came flying out of our mouths and I was really really hoping he would make a move so I could beat the shit out of him. I had just started a 3 month leave of absence from work. We decided it was very smart of me for taking that time off. I was diagnosed when I was 32 after being treated for depression for 7 years. Anti-depressants alone can trigger manic episodes and as I got older they got worse. I almost committed myself but the hospital suggested an emergency eval before I made that decision. The Dr looked at me and asked me about my previous diagnosis. He was shocked no one had mentioned bi-polar because it was obvious to him that's what the problem was. Once I heard that it was like a weight had been lifed and I finally understood what had been happening since I was in middle school. I went through many cocktails until I felt good. I'm 40 in 3 weeks and I just went through a lowering of my meds and feel much more with it. I wanted to taper off one of the 3 I was on but I didn't dare do that without a Dr. monitoring my situation. The consequences of doing it on my own is very severe. Once you are on the meds, going off will make it worse. And, as I said before, as you get older it gets worse. I went through 2 other anti-depressants until I found my current cocktail and I feel great. I finally have my memory back and don't feel like such an idiot all the time. My overall point is that you can feel great on meds. You don't have to feel out of it or tired all the time. It can take a while to get there but stick with it. The payoff is worth it.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: problems with food [JenHS] [ In reply to ]
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That's what happened to me too. I got put on Celexa, and after a couple of days I started to trigger up, and after about a week I was really triggered up. I still can't figure out what I spend close to $4000 on, though part of it was going out :) What the doctors explained to me was that even if an anti-depressant triggered a manic/hypomanic episode, only people who are bipolar will have that reaction, it's already there and just gets brought out by the medication. I really struggled with that once I went of Celexa, it didn't go away. I couldn't stick the genie back in the bottle, and I couldn't understand that at all.

I can see what you're saying about the meds and doctor's supervision. I guess I'm used to seeing Seroquel, while powerful, as sort just a regular thing now. I'm so physically dependent on it at this point that even at 600mg it can take me an hour + to fall asleep. When I first started out at 100mg I was falling asleep in under 5 minutes. It's crazy to me that it gets prescribed at around 25mg for insomnia. I've taken Nyquil DM on it (I did ask the pharmacist, who was horrified and said that would be dangerous, and then when I said how long it takes to fall asleep, was like 'yeah, go ahead, you'll be fine).

Your memory is better? Wow. I actually went on a trial study (all double blind) of intranasal insulin, b/c they've found that to help improve memory in people with Alzeihmers, and wanted to see if it would help w/the memory and focus that gets screwed up w/bipolar. That was something else I still struggle with, why even when I'm stable I still can't focus the same as I could prior to first triggering. I dropped out of the study b/c the appointments I had to go in for where always during the day, and I couldn't be doing that constantly w/work.

Hmmm, not sure about the anger. After he hit me (gunning it right on a red even though he was fully stopped when I entered the intersection on a green) I stood in front of his car slamming/hitting his hood and screaming/swearing at him about what an idiot he was and that it was my right of way. He looked awfully freaked out, but I still say, he hit me with an SUV! I would've LOVED for him to get out of the car, so maybe that is over the top. I can be quick to anger sometimes though.... :)

You're actually making me want to go back and ask about other meds. I don't want to take the med to help me wake up (I think he mentioned Alertec?), or to take meds for meds, but maybe there is something else. Like I said, I guess I've just gotten used to trying to optimize my ability to function by changing the dosage. Before any of this happened, I always thought 'crazy' people went off their meds b/c they were crazy, then I realized how horrible the medications can be.

I'd also never thought of the eating and bipolar being connected. I can see how it is emotional/control based for me though.
Last edited by: Teags: Feb 12, 09 11:49
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Re: problems with food [Teags] [ In reply to ]
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I'm glad my experiences are helping. I don't come out of the closet much on this because it is easy for people to assign my behavior to the disorder and not take it as a reasonable response. Hate that. It took me a long time to accept that this is who I am and that chemicals will keep me sane. Really tough to deal with. I am also an overspender :-) I can't imagine the damage I would do if I wasn't stable. Messing with the chemistry without supervision can be really really dangerous. If that is the only thing you take away from this conversation that it is worth me exposing myself. I am terrified of the consequences to myself if I did this. I have too much to lose. I love my life and I don't want to risk losing it because that is what will happen if I stop taking it and try to pretend I'm cured. Over time I think you will really understand the connection of all your behaviors. Brain chemistry has control over your behavior. If it is off, it has widespread impact. No one I spend time with would ever know because I am normal. I'm not depressed, I'm not irrational, I don't act drugged. I've learned to adjust my life to keep it that way. I need routine. I need low stress and I need good sleep. Simple but critical. My overall point is that you can get to a place where it doesn't run your life and that allows you to deal with the resulting behaviors.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: problems with food [JenHS] [ In reply to ]
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I do appreciate it, and I do understand not taking about it lots. And the 'well you are obviously incapable of valid emotions/feelings/thoughts if you're bipolar' attitude is one my favourites.

I really do want to stay stable, or be stable, as I suppose I could be more stable. Yikes. I lost my bf once (I broke up with him) when I wasn't really stable and hadn't dealt with a lot of issues and I love him more than anything in this world and don't want anything to happen to our relationship b/c I'm not stable or something. He's the greatest guy in the world :)

And I have responsibilities that going sidewise would be bad for. I have my animals, my brother has major depression and has had some trouble with employment and stuff, though he's working now but I would say is underemployed, but it's probably less stress on him, but I rent him my basement apartment (I rent the whole house) and help cover some of his bills sometime (even if just short term) and while that's stressful, I would worry about him. And my mom is getting older and is going to retire so she won't have the same kind of income.

Wow, you're really convincing me!

And now I'm really wondering about how everything, eating and bipolar, interrelates. I've got a lot of thinking to do, but I really hope this will be good. And that I can make a lasting change.
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Re: problems with food [pookie87] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
An eating disorder is really not about the food, so a dietitian will not really help your situation.

This is not entirely true. The first part is - an eating disorder is NOT about the food; it is a coping mechanism for underlying issues (whatever those may be). That said, a dietician is an integral part of a treatment team. *People who suffer from eating disorders often do not know "how" to eat.* As in how to plan a healthy day's meals and snacks. Not to mention all the phobias and fears one develops over specific foods. In treatment of anorexia or bulimia, the structure of having a meal plan - whether it's based on calories, "exchanges," or whatnot can be incredibly helpful.

I have an exercise science degree. I know a LOT about nutrition. I can help others with it; when it comes to applying it to myself, all flies out the window. Logically, for instance, I know that mashed potatoes do not make a person fat. But I'm scared to death of them, and other starches. I start seeing a dietician next week, and it will be incredibly good for me I think, though I imagine she won't let me get away with drinking a cup of cocoa and calling it "dinner" like I've been doing lately. (I hate dinner. Dinner should not exist, awful to feel full at night when you want to relax, and go to sleep.)

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It is about control, so a therapist would be your best bet.[/repy]

Mmm not always. I think anorexia is more a need for control; bulimia a form of release. If my life feels out of control I stop eating. If I get angry, upset, that is when I want to purge. That or a freak-out over having eaten "too many" calories (this morning, I had a cup of cocoa that was made with cream... some special thing at school... cream! all the fat and calories in that, which I do not want to think about... and it was incredibly difficult not to purge...)

A therapist IS a best bet. But I think the two disorders stem from different emotions - my experience, and that of others.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: problems with food [Angela K] [ In reply to ]
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Teags (and Tigerchick),

I saw your posts and had to reply. Teags, I have been bulimic for 20 years - yes, 20, and it sucks the life out of you.

My eating disorder started in the winter my freshman year of high school. I am now a senior in college. Eight years.

I've heard different comments on whether or not it is something you ever truly recover from, or something you "manage;" my conclusion is that full recovery, or not, is situation-dependent. I don't think you can say "full recovery is possible for everyone" but when someone tells me they have fully recovered - I believe that - and good for them. And I'd like to think that one day I'll be completely free of it too but I also know I probably WON'T. And on the days that those voices are particularly awful, I want to scream to someone, "I do not want to live the rest of my life like this." How I wish on some days, that someone would wave a magic wand for me and make it disappear. You can get so incredibly trapped by it, and it is, on some days, unbearable.

And then there are the days I cling to it, the safety blanket of THIN.

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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