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babies and triathlons
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Hi ladies, this is an awkward question that I can't seem to get around to asking any of my friends or triathlon club teammates.
I'm 31, fiance is 36...when discussing children, we both agreed that it was '1 or none'. However, none of my hard-core running buddies have kids, my few good friends in the triathlon community also are childless, and in my club, members I've casually asked either don't have kids or have kids that are grown. In a year, I've seen two dads on the track workout with a jogging stroller...that's it. My fiance and I are both getting more and more involved with the sport but this distresses me a bit. Can you be a mommy and a triathlete, too? Here's another, can you be a mommy that holds her full-time job that trains and races, and at what age (the child) could you do that? Preschool aged? Do any of you "do it all", so to speak? Do you rely on daycare/nanny/husband???
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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I've seen it all and I will give it to you my opinion on what I've seen...

A stay at home parent can incorporate some training throughout the day with kids in tow and be a competitive triathlete. Will need time away from kid for some aspects of training so either a supportive spouse or family member or childcare option is necessary, even if it's for a few hours here and there. Very possible to maintain a triathlon lifestyle if not working and have other support. Some of the happiest/most competitive triathletes I know are stay at homes that have it figured out.

I work part time and I have a toddler. I can't imagine training for anything longer than an Olympic distance race right now. I struggle everyday with making sure I have time with my son and an hour or so to train when not working but I'm making it happen and I'm pretty happy with what I am able to do.

Full time work and competitive triathlete or long distance triathlons means you are not spending time with your child. I'm sure this will offend some people.

Some of the toughest people I know in sport are parents. They may not be hanging out, having beers, or participating in all the social aspects of triathlon but they have fulfilling lives that balance triathlon and kids.

You should be able to find some parent/triathletes out there for inspiration.
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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sorry. i don't think you can "do it all". and do it very good. half assed probably. work full time, train, be a mom, and don't forget your marriage. If you choose this path, more likely, someone else will be raising the kid and someone else will be the wife. how many times have we seen this happen...
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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There's a number of really good blogs out there with athlete mums; here's a neat blog which I stumbled across recently, Danelle has interviews with athlete Mums and also talks about her own experiences.

http://danellekabush.wordpress.com

Cheers
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Re: babies and triathlons [cherelli] [ In reply to ]
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This is a question I think about a lot. I am 32. Don't have a good answer but I agree there are a couple of good blogs out there to read. Here is one:

http://rxironman.blogspot.com/

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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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I did my first IM when K was 20months (I was 34). I was also working f/t (breadwinner of the family). Yes daycare, staying home was not an option. It's hard but do-able - you better be sure you want it and that your SO backs you 110% tho or you're in for a world of hurt...

FWIW, when I first started tri, all our friends and club mates were single or just getting hitched. When I was pregnant, there were SEVEN other women in my club alone who where pregnant or had recently (w/in 6 months) had a child. That was all in a span of ~4 years. So just because you don't see the kids today doesn't mean they won't start showing up in a few years down the road.

Besides, what do you care what other people think? Give it a few more years (seriously) and then ask yourself again.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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We have the same concerns in our household with baby number 1 on the way (full time jobs, daycare, family/quality time, training time). My feeling is that It is a part of my identity that I'm not ready (and shouldn't have to) give up.

Am I going to be as good or competitive as I was pre-baby - I don't know, but at least I would still get to be 'out there' and part of the tri community.
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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I wonder how many men would ask this question before deciding on kids.
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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For us the kids wasn't the tipping point, it was me going back to school.

We have 4 kids ranging in age from 1-8yrs old, and we find time to train in the spring/summer months easily however not so much in the fall/winter (engineering is a pain that way).

The big thing that everyone else has said is that your spouse NEEDS to be supportive, or it won't work. I'm lucky as both my wife and I train (although the days of doing so together have been shelved for the immediate future), so we both manage to fit it in. :)
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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These are my observations from an outsider's perspective (I do not have kids): But sometime an outsider's perspective is the most telling.

Two of my best friends and training partners have had kids in the last five years, both of their husbands also serious athletes as well. The difference between the two is that one has a completely selfless supportive husband and the other has a less supportive husband. I think that makes all the difference. All four of them have full time jobs, roughly equal breadwinner status.

The supportive husband will MAKE SURE wife gets out for some sort of exercise and plan his own around hers, whereas, unsupportive husband "cannot miss track practice," leaving wife and baby at home with the generally good intent of letting wife go exercise later, but then the baby gets fussy. And won't nap. And will only respond to her. So she doesn't get her run in.

Successful couple also: alternates seasons- one partner "gets" a fall marathon and the other "gets" a spring triathlon. They race less, in general. They have tons of family and friends (like me!) helping them out all the time. One partner focuses on making sure the other gets his or her workouts in and takes the majority of the housework for that season, or training period. And the partner training will do most workouts alone. And, once "triathletes" they now are more single sport focused. It's just easier that way.

Another observation: both women were able to get back to roughly similar speeds they were before having children, but they've had to adapt completely. They are training when they are sick, tired, and have a million other things to do. Sometimes they leave husband home with fussy baby, and in order to cope with this, you really have to just "let go." And sometimes, just sometimes it's not worth it. For example, we were away for a race weekend and my friend was separated from her sick child, it was all she could do to focus on the race, then she wanted to go home. She missed him too much to enjoy herself. And I think that's the reality of motherhood, of course in my outsider's perspective!
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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Here's another blog that's worth checking out: http://elizabethfedofsky.blogspot.com/
She just qualified for Kona.

I'm a recreational triathlete (sprints/olys) who just had a baby four weeks ago. I know it will be struggle to balance it all (training, work, baby, husband) but if you want something bad enough, you have to work for it and I know time management will be key. My tri club actually has a number of competitive racers up through IM distance with kids so it definitely is possible. I think it's all about having a support system that allows you to have some me-time. You can't let your pre-baby self disappear.
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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 Looking at it another way though, would you be willing to give up a few years of serious training for the lifetime joy of having children? In some ways babies are easier than older children so you need to realize that having children will affect how you live in every aspect of your life for many years to come. I thought that I would be able to do another Ironman now that my kids are teenagers, but with sports (and weekend long tournaments), college visits, coming home from work to hear that one of my kids needs something for a project etc it isn't happening and I am happy training for shorter races.
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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Lots of good advice so far.

I am a mommy and triathlete so it can be done. Most of my tri buddies are in the same situation. I guess when you are one, you know others. In my crowd it is the norm. Throwing in full time work makes it tougher, but it can be done. I work part time at best. You do need help, from your spouse, your family, your nanny, someone. The ease of juggling it all varies. Very hard when they are very small, then easier, then hard again when they get older and busier and cannot yet drive. Then before you know it they are grown and gone.

Your life does get pared down. There have been years when my only friends were other triathletes and the only socializing I did was when training. I do give up races for kid events, and think nothing of it , as hard as that may be to believe.

Do think long and hard about what you want in life. Will you be sorry if you don't have children? I knew I would be.

I like that comment about whether a man would even ask this question.
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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I am a Mum, a triathlete and I have worked since my kids were babies (they are in their early 20's now). Personally, I think the key is balance. You can "do it all", you just can't give "all" 100%. The funny thing is that when you have kids, all of a sudden the other stuff seems less important. It's hard to believe, but trust me, you will love your children in a way you never knew possible and all of the other stuff finds a place to fit around that. Most importantly, allow yourself to be less than perfect. When you are trying to fit in everything something has got to give, so decide on your priorities and work backwards from there.

Good luck.

Lisa
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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I guess I would be a prefect example of what NOT to do... I have a 7 month old and had delusions of grandeur when I said at 12 weeks postpartum I could feasibly do a full IM distance race 11 months postpartum.

To be honest, I think I have bitten off WAY more than I can chew. We have decided to A) Breastfeed for as long as I am producing milk. At this point my supply is getting low and will be supplementing with formula soon. B) Cloth diapering. LOVE this decision and wouldn't change it for the world. C) Work full time in marketing...so really I work 24/7. D) Make our own baby food. And D) my husband JUST started his own business. I am so extremely tired all the time. I have to stay up till at least 10:30 to get that last pump in before bed, then I have to wake myself up in the middle of the night to pump again to try and keep my milk supply up, and finally I have to wake her up at 6 am to feed her so that we can start our day with a 1 hour commute each way. I just don't have the energy to train for a full IM right now.

I think one of the ladies said it best. You can do it "all" you just can't give everything your "all." I wish I would have gotten this advice when I was preggers. When you are pregnant everyone says to do things in moderation. When your baby arrives you are so freaking excited about getting out there and getting your body back; but then reality hits.

My advice is YES, have a baby. It is the MOST rewarding experience of my life. It has given me the opportunity to see my husband in such a beautiful way with our daughter, it brings tears to my eyes. I can't wait to learn more about her and experience how she views the world. I have never loved anyone more in my whole life. I would be devastated to know what I know now if I could never have her.

Things to consider if you want to keep a very active lifestyle: formula, disposable diapers, live VERY close to your family, hire help, and finally don't be afraid to limit your activities in the first year. 1 year out of your life for your family won't kill you.

Heather Sweet
http://thesweetsadventure.blogspot.com/
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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I have been thinking a lot about my post earlier and there are a couple things to add. First, I want to apologize. I used your post to vent. Hijacking your post to vent didn't help you at all. Second, I didn't really answer any of your questions.

Yes. You can be a Mommy and a triathlete. You can also have a full time job, train, race, and have a happy marriage. It takes a lot of positive communication between you and your soon to be husband. Time management, realistic goal setting, and patience. From my most recent experience, I think I can get back to "racing" when baby girl is off breast milk and onto regular table food. I am guessing that will be when she is 12-18 months old?

The last thing my husband and I have done is switching years to focus. Before baby girl, we would do IM at the same time. But now we have decided this year is his focus year and next year is mine. Not to say I am not training or racing, but I am not doing a BIG event. Hope this helps and did not add to your worries. ;-)

Heather Sweet
http://thesweetsadventure.blogspot.com/
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Re: babies and triathlons [hj-rockstar] [ In reply to ]
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I had triplets 14 weeks ago and doing sprint nats in 2 weeks. I am starting to work again part time and have a very supportive husband and an au pair. I dont think I'll be able to do longer than Olys for the near future...but I'm better at short course anyway :)

Team Danbury Audi - Triplet Mommy!!!
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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It's been my observation that there are three types of triathletes in the 70.3 and IM divisions:

A. Those without kids
B. Those with grown kids (or at least teenagers)
C. Those who ignore their kids

I just can't imagine having grade school age kids or younger and being a good parent while doing 70.3s and IMs. Maybe you've got a nanny or au pair but that's a whole other discussion.

BUT if you're the type of triathlete who does "only" sprints and the occasional Olympic, you can make it work IF your kids are at least in preschool. If you're in the newborn to just-out-of-diapers stage, I don't know how you pull that off. This is a sport, after all, known for attracting newcomers in the 35-to-45 range who just got their kids into grade school and realized what lousy shape they're in.

If you're someone accustomed to doing IMs and 70.3s pre-children and don't mind dialing it back to sprints and Olympics, that's probably a good happy medium.

Anyway you look at it though, baby joggers are horrible. Find a way to run without junior.

Our sons are 6 and 8, so we're beyond that stage. And what's great about that is that they're in year-round swim programs. I swim in one of the available lanes (very humbling with the kids zipping around). Or I go out for a run -- their practices are two hours, 5 to 7 p.m. - or hit the gym. I don't bike nearly enough, but I stick to sprints and the occasional Olympic. My wife is thinking of taking up the sport, training at the same time. We have a lot of swim parents who are triathletes -- our swim kids dominate local kids triathlons -- and the parents train together while the kids are swimming.

My two cents. No easy answers to this one.

http://www.endurancesportsflorida.com
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Re: babies and triathlons [Pete Williams] [ In reply to ]
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A doctor told me something I think is very smart. "EVERYONE will tell you what they think the right and wrong way to raise a child is however while it's easy to pin point the wrong, no one really knows what's right". WHY? Because everyone is different and leads different lifestyles. You can't accuse parents who are athletes and continue to be athletes that they are ignoring their child because they are doing something they love. The way I see it, thank goodness that child has parents they can look up to, parents that are achieving their goals whatever those goals might be and not lazy slobs who watch tv all day and ignore their health and the health of the child. That's like saying a mother shouldn't work 3 jobs to support her children because they'll end up on the street. My mom worked 3 jobs sometimes 7 days a week. All 5 of her kids have college educations and make more money then she ever dreamed and have a tight loving family. Did she ignore us? No because the time we had at night was filled with love and communication.

@jocks- You have to talk to your future husband and do what's best for YOU and YOUR lifestyle. My husband and I are 11 weeks pregnant and have every intention of continuing our active lifestyle and taking baby right along with us just like I see my community of tri friends do. (BTW we both work full time) We both have next year and the year after planned. For him, 1 more tri, 2x 50 mile ultra marathons, 1x100 mile ultra marathon. My agenda after baby, 1x 1/2 Iron, 1 full Iron, 1x 50 mile and 1x 100 mile endurance race. And when I cross the finish I will kiss my loving, supportive husband and beautiful baby with a smile. I want my son or daughter to have parents they can look up to. Parents who continue to pursue their goals and dreams whatever that is. It might sound extreme but mostly because I want to get my point across. ( we are clearly not going to go on long rides together every weekend)

It's about balance, communication, teamwork and most important doing what is right for you and your family.

Wishing you all the best!
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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My husband and I were married a long time before deciding to have kids. During that time we were very active with triathlons, and most of our friends were like yours: without kids. I found it was easy to keep thinking about next season's triathlon goals and put off having kids. Well, we finally decided to do it and have never regretted it. But it has definitely put my triathlon racing on hold. It's actually sort of funny that I'm on this forum tonight as I'm pregnant with kiddo #2 and so am obviously not racing or even training much.

This is what happened with me. My daughter was born in the winter and that next summer I was still breastfeeding and had had some complications with the birth so my body was not ready to train. For me, I really had trouble working out around the breastfeeding and ended up doing that for nearly 15 months. Once that was done, I was able to train much more consistently. My husband is supportive and that has never been an issue. However, I had been working part-time, but when my husband lost his job I started to work full time. So then, the last thing I wanted to do in my free time was try to follow a rigid training program. I just worked out when I could and made it through both Olympic and Sprints.

The reality of scheduling has to be considered. My husband works the early shift so if I want to train in the a.m. it has to be in the house, so I could do the bike trainer. But, my daughter gets up around 6am, which would mean I'd probably have to wake between 4:30 and 5am. That's just not happening. Especially because I come home from work, spend some time with my daughter, have dinner and then put her to bed. By this time it's about 8pm and I haven't had one minute to do anything for myself or around the house or anything else. So the reality is that I'm not going to go bed to get in a workout in the early am.

So I've squeezed in workouts by running to work, and only occasionally swimming and then I'll bike on the weekends. I also have flexibility in my schedule so I still may do some workout before or after work as I start to focus on a race.

And now I'm preggo with #2, so again won't race this summer and probably not next because of breastfeeding. I do hope to get back into it eventually. I really enjoyed the races I did last year, and could start to feel the drive coming back.


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Suffering on the the bike is always more fun than suffering on the run.
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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Yes to all. We have one child that is now 9. I do have a supportive family. I did one IM before he was born and 2 after. Half iron's every year up until now and I BQ'd for Boston and went there twice. You have to work training time around your child. You get up early or you train late. I switched my long bike days to Sundays, hubby rode on Saturday's so that we had some family time. We rode or ran together when my family stepped in or sometimes I gt a babysitter for a group ride on Saturday mornings. It works if you work together and make it work. The sacrifices we made are all worth it. My son is beautiful and I fully enjoy seeing him involved in sport. I have more training time now then ever as he has gotten older and involved in sport. I train when he has practice.
Many of our friends do not have children, all of our friends love our son. Have no regrets! If you are good at time management, it will work. I teach full time, consult, coach, train, going back for my PhD and have a wonderful family life. There is room for it all. Best to you!

__________________________________________________
Twitter: @jayasports
Web: http://www.jayasports.com

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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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I did my 3rd IM when y daughter was 10 months old. It was not a PR, but I did it (and I work more than full time, my husband works out of state 90 percent of the time and we have no family within 2 hours.)
The people on here who say that distance training+full-time work=ignoring kids just aren't creative enough.

I have a babysitter who comes from 5:30-7:00 am so I can train in the morning before work. Sometimes I'm home before she wakes up, but if not, she's never up for more than 20 minutes before I get home. I drop her off at daycare and then commute 45 minutes to work. I sometimes lift weights on my lunch break, if I get a lunch break. I pick her up after work and we play outside. Sometimes I put her in the stroller and we run, but most days we just do swings or puzzles or whatever she wants. We eat dinner, do the bath/books/bedtime and she's asleep by 8. I go downstairs and get on the trainer or treadmill for an hour, then either log back on to my work computer or spend an hour "getting ready" for the next day. This includes cleaning up dinner, prepping leftovers for both our lunches the next day, and making the following nights' dinner so I can quickly reheat it when we're hungry.

Monday evenings I do an open water swim while she has a playdate with a neighbor girl. (I return the favor for her mom a different evening.)

On weekends, I either do my long rides on the trainer if I don't have a babysitter, or outside if I do. It's during her 2-3 hour naptime regardless, so I miss, at most, an hour or two with her. On Sundays, my husband is sometimes home and I run with a group of neighborhood friends at 7 am. He loves his Sunday mornings with our daughter - they go ouy for breakfast, to the hardware store, to the dog park, whatever. Sunday afternoons we take her to the outdoor pool - he plays with her in the kiddie area while I do a swim workout, then we switch. It's fun to spend my 10-15 second rest intervals bobbing in the water with her. In the winter, they allow kids at our gym from 1-4, so we do the same thing, but in the indoor pool. He prefers to run late in the day, so if he's home on a Saturday, he runs at night after we have dinner and she's in bed. He lives out of town during the week and fits a long ride in sometime mid-week.

Like I said, I did an IM when she was 10 months old, husband is doing an IM in a week, I did a half IM last week, etc. (She will be 2 in Nov.) She spends some time in the jogging stroller/bike trailer (sometimes I pull her on my bike alongside my husband's long runs) but not a ton. She loves going to races and seeing all the bikes - husband and I have alternated racing/cheering at most races this year. She loves watching the bikes leave T1 because then she knows she gets to go down to the water and play on the beach during the bike with whichever parent isn't racing. We did one race together this year, a small local sprint/oly. We had a babysitter that morning but were still home by lunchtime.

Not everyone can make it work - I'm lucky because of several things: 1) she is a REALLY good sleeper. Sleeping through the night since she was 7 weeks old. She will sleep in a car, in a stroller, anywhere. 2) I have a great babysitter who lives 2 doors down, has a flexible college-student schedule and doesn't mind getting up at 5 am. 3) I have a good coach who understands my situation and incorporates it into my workouts.

I'm not qualifying for Kona, but I'm faster than I was before I had her (I'm training smarter, not longer) and she is growing up with two very active parents who are setting a good example in terms of work ethic regarding career and fitness. She is certainly NOT neglected. Certainly we would like for my husband to have more time with her, but his current work situation is what it is.

Because I spend money on a babysitter on the early weekday mornings, I don't spend money on babysitters so I can go out for drinks after work, or go out much on weekend evenings, but that's ok. I want to spend my evenings and most of my weekends with her anyway.

All that being said, training for the IM was really hard. There were several days I didn't think I would go through with it. Somedays I just didn't want to go ride my bike for 4-5 hours. But I had those same types of days when I was training for my pre-baby IMs.
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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Your observations are naturally skewed toward the type of athletes who are in clubs or social groups.

So, no, there are probably not a lot of parents-of-young-kids who can make the group workout schedule match their kids' sleep routine. And no, jogging strollers are not the first choice for speedwork at the track. But are there mommies racing triathlon? Hell ya. Our training is there, but for most of us it's just less conspicuous -- it's on the bike trainer in the basement, running alone in the dark, and in the pool at whatever absurd hour "lap swim" meets up with our schedules.

http://www.extramilenutrition.com
Last edited by: greenjp: Sep 6, 11 19:19
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Re: babies and triathlons [jocks] [ In reply to ]
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It is really difficult to be a mom and a triathlete, at least a competitive one. You can participate in the sport, but if you are gunning to be an elite triathlete, your training will affect your family life. I personally don't think it is worth it. It is much better being a mom than an elite triathlete, in my opinion. Having a family is a lot more rewarding than finishing first in your AG. There are benefits to staying fit, so participating in the sport is beneficial. My advice would be that if you are thinking about having kids, have them. Don't wait at all, you won't regret the decision. You can always go biking with your kids when they get a bit older, and while they are young there are jogging strollers and options like that.
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