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Re: a Dad that needs help [jetta-the-hut] [ In reply to ]
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There is nothing wrong with a kid wanting to 'better herself' BUT be very cautious about what you say and how you say things. Young girls are very impressionable and sometimes we hear one thing that can cause us a load of pain.

I was and still am very close with my dad (he actually finished Ironman Louisville last year with me) but if I look back to several times as a youth there are 2 comments he doesnt remember saying that truly changed my life (we have discussed these and we're on the page, have come to understanding, etc etc) but were part of why I (in my opinion) developed a body image disorder.

Support your daughters love of running and maybe ride your bike next to her one day. If she has vocalised that she feels too slow to run with you maybe get her mom or a friend to go to the track and jog. Let her enjoy running for the sake of running. These are years that can make and break her relationship with excercise and activity and we want our kids to grow up loving to move!

I think its great you are seeking input on this and looking out for your daughter...but remember men and women communicate differently even from a young age. listen to her when she tells you things and when she cries...If you've ever read Men are from Mars and women are from Venus dont be a 'fixer'. Just listen, explain to her what you just heard her say, and validate those feelings and leave it at that.

Good luck and happy running.
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Re: a Dad that needs help [LDV] [ In reply to ]
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LDV wrote:
There is nothing wrong with a kid wanting to 'better herself' BUT be very cautious about what you say and how you say things. Young girls are very impressionable and sometimes we hear one thing that can cause us a load of pain.

I was and still am very close with my dad (he actually finished Ironman Louisville last year with me) but if I look back to several times as a youth there are 2 comments he doesnt remember saying that truly changed my life (we have discussed these and we're on the page, have come to understanding, etc etc) but were part of why I (in my opinion) developed a body image disorder.

Support your daughters love of running and maybe ride your bike next to her one day. If she has vocalised that she feels too slow to run with you maybe get her mom or a friend to go to the track and jog. Let her enjoy running for the sake of running. These are years that can make and break her relationship with excercise and activity and we want our kids to grow up loving to move!

I think its great you are seeking input on this and looking out for your daughter...but remember men and women communicate differently even from a young age. listen to her when she tells you things and when she cries...If you've ever read Men are from Mars and women are from Venus dont be a 'fixer'. Just listen, explain to her what you just heard her say, and validate those feelings and leave it at that.

Good luck and happy running.

Oh i've noticed I have a 17 year old son who I can get verbal with and he'll dig deeper when i tried this one time during softball season with my daughter she almost cried, i had to appologize again and again and rethink things for sure.
During runs now i almost always talk about controling her breathing, and she almost always talks about how if she sets her mind to something she know she can accomplish it. Shes always very posative thinking.

i always appreciate post letting me know i'm being too hard or suggestions on what to try next, she has a triathlon in August and our pool just came today so i'll let her mom take over coaching for now.

but if this tells you anything, we keep our race numbers as momentos and on hers she wrote 1st place in my age group, on mine she wrote 63 out of 91 racers,YOU ROCK DAD,thanks for running with me.
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Re: a Dad that needs help [jetta-the-hut] [ In reply to ]
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Wow yeah she's nine......more of the ferry/ice cream/bike rides/hanging out on rocking chairs and less running under daddy's stopwatch IMO.

As a former coach of young female athletes from middle-school age to collegiate, I can perhaps offer a little perspective. Young women (as do many young men) get a crazy barrage of pressure from early on. The drive for approval from dad and mom is intense especially at this age. While it will be be partially replaced by the drive for approval from teachers, peers and coach(es), right now it's still mostly you and mom. Maybe this running thing is all her doing, it's just as likely not. Kids are sharper than we give them credit for and they are naturally tuned to pick up on what gets our attention. You may feel like its just supporting her own drives but look at how you reacted and celebrated with her. I wouldn't say it was a bad thing at all but certainly a major reinforcing behavior. She's going to key in on that. Did you respond the same way when she made a cool art project she was proud of or got an "A" in a challenging subject? Maybe you did/do, I don't know. Just suggesting you look at it and consider it. I guess if it were me I'd tread lightly in this area. Motivation in sport is a nebulous thing. Some kids don't have it, others do and I don't think it really means much of anything in the grand scheme of things. My advice: don't try to create it with a parental reward system. Also make sure you are offering lots of love and support regardless of what her interests are and how successful she is in them. Encourage her to work hard, sure and to stay with things she starts of course but keep it age appropriate. Kids who had very high family pressure to excel from early on don't often turn out the way you'd expect IME. That is the ones who's parents tied a lot of affection and approval up in success and winning often rebelled against it by, you guessed it....failing and losing. And when I say that I mean actively choosing to get involved in a whole host of things you definitely don't want your kid doing. The most successful, happiest and most balanced kids came from families that offered lots of love, support and validation for whoever the kid was.

I am not going to go into any of the health related issues that can crop up for young female runners, they are well known and could fill pages. If your kid really does love running and makes a go of it in a couple of years, make sure you and your wife are aware of self image/weight and health concerns that impact female athletes. Some coaches you'll encounter either don't know or don't care that much.

Anyway, that's just some of my observation as a coach of over a decade. I'll let you know when my daughter turns 9 if I've managed to keep her out of "fun runs" :) . You know your kid and yourself enough to ask these good questions and I am sure you'll find the path. Good luck.
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